DS(10) eating crap and putting on weight. What can we do?!

[cheeseismydownfall]

DS(10) has been fairly slim growing up, but in the last six months or so has put on a fair bit of weight, and is now slightly overweight. We eat reasonably healthy meals and I think both DH and I model a healthy attitude to food - we both enjoy good quality food and the odd treat, but within reason, and we are both healthy weights. The trouble is DS has a massive appetite right now and also a very sweet tooth, and seems to have no off switch whatsoever. For example, he was at a party the other day and announced afterwards he had eaten seven pieces of cake! This morning I emptied out his school trouser pockets and found an empty Twix wrapper AND an empty Skittles packet (both full size) which presumably he had eaten that day (we aren't in the UK and their school has a pretty relaxed shit attitude towards sweets etc so it doesn't surprise me that he has access to this stuff. At home we can police it up to a point, but increasingly he is in a position to make these choices for himself.

I'm at a loss about what to do. One the one hand I want to confront him and read him the riot act about the sweet wrappers, but I know that probably isn't helpful and he will just get better at hiding it from us. But I don't feel like we can just ignore it.

Also, he isn't in to sports and although we encourage him to be active and have family hikes, bike rides etc we live in a car dependant place and he isn't getting the exercise he should. But he isn't motivated to do more.

I'm not sure how aware he is about his weight. We talk about making healthy choices, but in a general way.

I'd be ever so grateful for any suggestions.

Where is he getting the money from to buy the sweets?

He doesn't need money, he gets given them! There is always some reason for candy being dished out. He does a few physical after school activities (nothing very intense) and all the kids are routinely given candy as a reward after every class It's a very different attitude here than in the UK I think.

marns because I don't think eating two full adult size chocolate bars in one day (and this is NOT a one off by any means) is in any way a good thing, and he knows that. He is putting on weight and obviously I'm concerned that this is going to get worse.

My ds10 is the same. He has absolutely no interest in being active. I can get him out for a walk with a huff. He sneaks sweets and loves fizzy pop, which I have cut down massively.

He is however on anti-seizure medication which after some research it seems can cause weight gain.

He has no interest in his weight, I think he does know he's bigger but isn't bothered. Our meals are fairly healthy, we do like a treat. I can only cut sweets out of the house now.

It's so strange as dd13 is into fitness and exercise, has an almost totally opposite relationship with food

I think at 10 and with school the way it is, the truth is probably the only real option.

Explain that he needs to bring the sweets home and he can have them then on a sensible basis. Tell him if he carries on the way he is he will be doing severe damage to his health and his teeth and then he don't be able to have the sweets at all

Failing that I'd call the school and tell him the Dr or dentist has told him no more sweets and they are to not hand them out to him.

Could you lobby the school to stop handing out the free sweets? Perhaps speak to the other parents of the children attending the activity and see if you can get them onside too? Strength in numbers and all that. I can understand the school giving them the odd fun-size trear, but two full size chocolate bars just seems bonkers!

I think, seperate it out from being personal about him - good eating and regular exercise is a habit everyone needs to learn, slim, overweight or in between.

• suggest the 80% unprocessed healthier food/20% other stuff rule
• work out a bigger breakfast lunch and tea for him, don’t scrimp on carbs or protein or dairy he needs to fill up on the good stuff as he grows up.
• snacks 2 or 3 times a day with gaps in between, make the healthier ones easier to reach for by prepping them for him or putting them out to be seen
• educate him about sugar and be blunt, its nice to have these things, but if you have them all the time you will get overweight (I would tend to say something like ‘you’re a nice size right now and you want to stay that way as you grow up and get taller’ as ‘feeling fat’ doesn’t unfortunately do anyone much good imo (get into a cycle of low self esteem and unhelpful self criticism). I don’t think there’s any harm in saying seven pieces of cake was a bit greedy, don’t take that much in future please.