Depression and Anxiety

[MomaBee]

Hi I'm struggling a bit and wondered if anybody has any advice please. My lo is 14 months and I'm a first time Mum to her. I've recently become really overwhelmed and stressed about day to day life, lo is a bad sleeper so I have spent the whole of her life so far in a desperate bid to get her to sleep, she is also having very bad tantrums and spending a lot of time crying at the moment but what worries me is that I seem to be finding it very difficult to cope. I am extremely irritable, I am in a difficult relationship which is probably adding to stress but I also find it so much hard work to cope with basic things like getting me and lo ready in a morning, I manage to do it of course but I feel like I'm so tight chested all the time with anxiety and stress. I feel really down and like I must be failing because lo doesnt sleep and has these tantrums.

I am quite tearful at times and can easily burst into tears when lo is crying or wont sleep, i also have feelings of anger, I dont act on those but i have had to take myself out of the room before and do a quiet scream to release those feelings.

Also it sounds silly but I worry what my neighbours must think because they will undoubtedly of heard her crying and I don't want them to complain or say I'm a bad parent.

I'm not taking proper care of myself, I no longer wear make up, rarely pluck my eye brows, I binge on sugary unhealthy foods, I don't exercise and I don't seem to have the attention span to do anything such as read a book or even relax properly.

I could go on forever but my point is I'm not sure whether I am depressed or even whether it could be symptoms of PND or whether this is just anxiety. Does anybody have any ideas? My maternity leave has ended and I'm due back at work next week and I have concerns about whether I will manage to get myself together in time. Thanks for reading xx

Hi OP, I had this and it was diagnosed as depression as my LO was over 12 months at the time but the outcome was the same; I was prescribed antidepressants (sertraline) and this made a massive difference to my mood and how I handled stress. I did also realise that lifestyle changes were essential. For me that meant utilising childcare and sucking up the cost to have a few hours for me before or after work. I also started making sure that on my list of priorities I was eating regularly, exercising at least a couple of times per week and wearing make-up/dressing well to get me out of my pit and help me feel better about myself ("look good; feel good" mantra)

Thanks for your message. That answers one of my questions as I was wondering at what point it can no longer be PND. I used to be such a healthy person and put a lot of focus on my diet etc. I've just totally let everything go! Thank you for sharing your experience it's really helpful

OP with the exception of the difficult time in a relationship I could have written everything you have said here.

When my DD was around 5he same age I was similarly struggling, crying regularly, snapping at my poor DH (or anyone except DD!), feeling constantly under pressure, tired all the time with a very messed up sleeping pattern, zero confidence or energy to maintain relationships,

I struggled on thinking I was just run down & eventually wondered if it may be PND but naively thought it could be as DD was too old & we had a great bond. I had completely the wrong idea of the many forms PND can actually take.

A couple of years on I now believe I did have PND & anxiety. Medication from the GP has helped as has CBT & other counselling, lifestyle changes & some other things.

My advice is go to your GP, speak to a friend & begin finding time for self-care. Don't try to do everything overnight but try to find time to relax, exercise etc as you will feel better. Mindfulness is a great way to switch off your brain.

I'm sure you're a wonderful mum, it will get better. You may even find going back to work helps rather than hinders

Sorry that should read "couldn't be PND"