Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

Original poster

Why am I so calm about this?

18 replies

LuvMyBoyz · 26/10/2018 22:40

I had a colonoscopy today as a follow up from recent bowl cancer screening. Turns out that a large polyp they found is likely to become malignant if it isn’t already. They are fast tracking me for a bowel resection. It’s all very weird because I feel as fit and well as ever. I am prepared to go through with it all and to face each stage as I get to it. My DH is brilliant and hugely supportive.

I have kept close family up to date via our WhatsApp group and they have respected my wish that they do not contact me directly but speak to DH for any details. This is because I feel so accepting of it all. I don’t do drama and have worked hard to minimise worry. I am damned grateful the screening caught it.

Will I keep this accepting attitude up? Has anyone managed to get through a situation others find so distressing in this way. Or do you think I am in some sort of denial?

OP posts:

starrynitelight · 26/10/2018 23:12

I'm really hope you do keep this positive attitude up OP. Have you thought about writing a blog or something like that?
I'd find that helpful to read if I was going through similar.

Really sending you all the best, you got this

Rebecca36 · 26/10/2018 23:15

I'm glad you have such a positive attitude. Polyps often do turn malignant but sounds like yours will be taken out in time. My mother in law had a partial bowel resection, similar to yours, and lived on, clear of the cancer.

Good luck.

Original poster

LuvMyBoyz · 29/10/2018 11:18

Thank you for your replies

@starrynitelight: I think I may have been in denial. I have read through the book about rectal cancer that I was given and it is a heck of a lot to face and especially as I have never felt fitter! But I will continue to use all my woo methods to stay positive.

@Rebecca36: thank you. reassuring. Did your MIL have any complications following the surgery please? It’s just dawning on me how major it is!

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General health

starkid · 29/10/2018 11:46

Well done on the positive attitude OP :) yes very fortunate for it to have been caught now rather than later down the line

Do you know if it will be open or keyhole surgery? And if the resection will result in a temporary stoma at all?

I've had open surgery to completely remove my large bowel/rectum due to Colitis, which has resulted in a stoma, so if you want any advice let me know and I can try and give some from what I've experienced at least :)

starkid · 29/10/2018 11:47

Being fit and healthy before the surgery will work massively in your favour with regards to recovery, by the way, so that's good :)

Ollivander84 · 29/10/2018 13:31

Yes. Weirdly I had a massive herniated disc, booked for planned op and was quite chilled about it. Had a repeat MRI as I lost use of one leg and they said they needed to operate within 48hrs or I would be paralysed
I was perfectly calm all the way through, and the recovery

Original poster

LuvMyBoyz · 29/10/2018 19:36

@Ollivander84: I have to say I’m not always quite so chilled at the moment but have the attitude that there’s not much I can do except inform myself and wait for the next step. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone!

@starkid: hopefully it will be keyhole and will be a resection so may need a temporary stoma but the cancer hasn’t even been graded yet so I don’t really know what I’m facing. Thank you for your offer. I will be back in touch if I need advice. It’s great to know you are there.

OP posts:

dobbythedoggy · 29/10/2018 20:22

My dad had a stoma op almost 6 years ago. He was perfectly calm throughout everything. He had colitis so had yearly bowel screenings and opted for this as soon as they found pre cancerous cells. Even when his recovery was much longer than expected and he needed to be in and out of hdu several times. We all flapped quietly behind the scenes, particularly when his op went on much longer than expected and it felt like he was lost in the hospital. He very much had the attutide of just staying calm and moving on to the next step no matter what he was faced with. He got to grips really quickly with the stoma and his attitude has really helped with the odd embracing incident.

He did have a bit of a breakdown 18 months later and the fact that he'd had cancer suddenly hit home. But this was teamed with three redundancies in the same period and the stress of having to deal with wrapping up the business that sadly had to close down.

My sister's best freind has had the op recently too. Early 20s, fit and healthy other than chrones. Had to fight hard to get the op, was out of hospital within the 5 day time frame and very quickly recovered.

73kittycat73 · 29/10/2018 20:27

Hi LuvMyBoyz. Firstly good luck with the operation, though I'm sure it will all go very smoothly.
I understand where you are coming from. Lat year I was diagnosed with endermetreal cancer and had a hysterectomy this year. (Didn't have to remove anything else and no chemo/radiotherapy was needed.) It was a bit concerning between diagnosis and far it had spread I must admit. I had one major wobble (A night of crying and worrying that mum mum would be left all on her own at Christmas! ) but once I was diagnosed and had treatment arranged I was absolutely fine. The cancer nurse kept 'phoning me afterwards to go through what happened but I just wasn't interested. I was poorly, got it sorted, moved on.

Hope you still stay chilled about it and if you do have a wobble, you can always pop on here for some virtual handholding.

73kittycat73 · 29/10/2018 20:28

Sorry for all the terrible grammar and typos!

Original poster

LuvMyBoyz · 29/10/2018 21:21

Thank you so much for your reassuring replies @dobbythedoggy and @73kittycat73. It’s lovely to have mumsnet to turn to for help as well as the usual procrastination!

OP posts:

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 29/10/2018 21:33

I have bowel cancer. It was difficult getting diagnosed as I’m quite young (early 30s) so it was very advanced unfortunately and they can’t cure it for me. That’s not the normal outcome though. My primary wasn’t a polyp so I think we’ll have very different presentations. I’ve had 13 months of a constant stream of chemo/radio/immunotherapy/surgery and both before and after (and during) I actually feel physically fine and have missed very little work. It’s nowhere near as bad as I would have thought.

Through all of this though I’ve met soooooo many people and most people get on really, really well. The resection isn’t a problem if you’re in good overall health which you sound like you are for sure (and follow the bossy dietary instructions), and you will be really well looked after through it all. The specialist nurses are amazing, the oncologists are calm and reassuring (they seem to like working in bowel cancer as they get to make loads of people better!). Even the surgeons I’ve had have been lovely and how often can you say that?

You’re calm because it’s the best way to cope. Don’t give yourself any more to deal with by getting super anxious if you can help it.

Original poster

LuvMyBoyz · 30/10/2018 19:21

Thank you @namechangeforthiscancershit. That has put a lot into perspective for me. The bowel cancer folk have all been brilliant. You’re right...I have to cope with this because there’s no choice. Might as well be calm about it after working hard for the past 15 years to stay calm under duress. I really appreciate your reply. And hopefully some flowers will appear at the end of my post for you

OP posts:

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 30/10/2018 19:24

Aww yes thank you, and some back!

You’re doing brilliantly. Calm is the way if you can manage it and you obviously can. You’ve totally got this (as the kids say!)

StandardPoodle · 30/10/2018 20:30

DH had his colon removed and a resection for colon cancer.
He had chemo afterwards - the cancer had broken through the wall of the colon.
10 years later, he's still here and doing well.
Like you, OP, he was calm and positive.
Sending you very best wishes.

venusandmars · 30/10/2018 21:10

I sometimes think that one of the most difficult aspects of cancer is dealing with the reactions of others. You are doing great to be calm yourself, but also to divert other people through your dp.

My dd had ovarian cancer in her 20s. She told a close friend that the cells were malignant.... Friend replied, 'oh well, at least it isn't cancer, ovarian cancer's a killer'

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 30/10/2018 21:36

venus honestly why don’t people think before they open their mouths? I hope your DD is doing really well now

Original poster

LuvMyBoyz · 30/10/2018 22:56

Thank you, @StandardPoodle. That is very reassuring as I do not know what stage my cancer is at yet. I have just been discussing with DH that this is probably my worst case scenario so your DH’s positive outcome is encouraging.

I agree @venus and @namechage. Other people’s reactions are giving me the pip. I have messaged some close friends to let them know and to tell them not to message me but rather wait for an update from me. Most have managed by sending a short ‘best wishes’ or similar but others....argh!...Doom and gloom merchants! However, I realise it is done out of love. I’m hoping everyone will be calmer by the time a treatment plan has been finalised. DH is brilliant but he lost his Mum and sister to cancer so he needs support. I have encouraged him to meet up with his work friends for coffee so they can talk it all through.

Hope your DD is doing well, @venus.

OP posts:

Flip