Can 5 year olds have depression?

[JohnCRaven]

DH says no. I say yes. Obviously not in the way adults do but a children's version of it. Self doubt, low mood, low efficacy, using self loathing words, low confidence. DD5 is emotionally volatile and is saying worrying things. He says it's attention seeking and dismisses it. I want him to take a different tack.

Is this happening with your DD/DS?

Oh gosh sorry i didn’t ready your post completely.

I think you need a specialist to answer as I’m not qualified but it must be very concerning for you.

In a sense it doesn't matter if it's called depression or not, that sort of thought pattern is destructive and I think you need to reassure the child in an age appropriate way. You are right to take it seriously. Maybe look at some books about feelings together, ry to find out what is causing the thoughts. 5 year olds don't seek attention in that way IMO and it is a good thing he or she feels able to talk to you, don't be dismissive or the child might start bottling it up which is worse.

Thank you yes I am concerned about it but DH is a PE teacher and says kids say 'I'm rubbish' all the time and it's just for attention.

But DD is saying she's horrible and can't do anything about it. She's very talented in one area but has taken to saying she's rubbish at it. And doesn't seem able to change that mindset. She's definitely a perfectionist.

Oh dear, your DH PE teacher needs some urgent CPD on mental health, doesn’t he? He can’t carry on with attitudes like that- very damaging to his students.

But worse, of course, for your little girl. I don’t have an answer, but particularly like a book by Laurence Cohen ‘Playful Parenting for anxious children’ (or similar - maybe not the exact title).

That is sad, and lovely you are taking it more seriously at it does seem very young and I wish I had more advice . I do think love bombing is extremely useful for helping low confidence , with lots of positive meangingful affirmations.
If DS feels he’s done something badly I find if helps him to say well i Like it and think this bit is good (or whatever positive thing you can find) and well done doing it

I’m not sure if it’s depression (don’t know the diagnostic criteria) but labelling any behaviour attention seeking in anyone of any age is unhelpful. I only work with adults, but behaviour labelled by the lay person as attention seeking is often maladaptive behaviour- it seeks to fulfill a need (often ineffectively). That need is very rarely for attention, more often validation, reassurance, comfort or support etc. The tricky part is helping someone work out what they need/ what’s missing. Any need great enough to provoke these behaviours/ statements/ emotions deserves to be addressed.

Is calling it depression going to help? Slap a label on and then what?

Clearly something has happened. It's stuck in her mind. Regardless of what it is, she needs your support and encouragement. Her needs are not being met. Agree "lovebombing" the way forward, though I dislike the word. It shouldn't be a temporary measure. It should be a sea change in the interactions you and DH are having with and around her.

You can do this

Ps do your child a favour and stop calling her a perfectionist. It's natural to want to do well and please caregivers. It's not good to get overinvested in trying to please, which comes from a place of insecurity. Address the fear of rejection.

Do you call yourself a perfectionist? Is DH? CBT is good for dealing with limiting and self critical beliefs, if you're aware of having any you'd like to overcome.

@Rednaxela depression is a better word than attention seeking if they're the only 2 words trying to compete for one person's point of view being taken more seriously than the other person's. Neither accurately explains her state of mind. Maladaptive behaviour I think is most accurate thank you @Howmanysleepstilchristmas

Yes DH and I are both perfectionists and it's done neither of us any good hence trying to help DD see the joy is in the effort not the result. DH gave up on his CBT. I trained in coaching to give me the insight I needed.

I think working out what is missing is key.