To leave or not to leave?

[sameshitnewday999]

Name changed as I don't want this linked to my old threads and me to be outed

Me and DP have a 7mo baby. I'm on maternity and most probably not going to return to work. He works full time and doesn't get home til 7 by which time baby is usually asleep for the night. He always finishes early on Fridays and is home by about 1/2.

We only moved in together when we found out we were expecting. Previous to that we each lived with our parents. Young couple and tough go get on the property ladder.

I do ALL housework, cooking, washing, childcare, food shopping, admin stuff and night feeds (which are every 3 hours +!), pay all the bills bar the rent and council tax which he pays.

Here's the problem. He's never home. He only ever stays in when he gets home from work maybe twice a week. He either goes to see his brother or his mum or goes to see a mate or does whatever and doesn't normally get home until I'm asleep for the night. He gets to lay in both Saturday and Sunday. I've told him time and time again he's taking the piss being out all the time and never being home. He just says that I'm trying to control him and he has a right to go out. Which of cours he does but not every night!!!!!?

I've got mobility issues and am in a lot of pain most of the time and he just says that I use my illness as and when I want to get what I want which really hurt.

I've tried talking to him, pleading, crying, staying at my mums one night and even shouting and screaming when things have got really heated begging him to spend some time with his family. Nothing changes. He will stay in for a day or 2 then it's back to normal.

I love my baby with every inch of me but being a mum is so lonely and knackering. All I'm asking for is some help with the baby. And some company from someone who's supposed to love me and want to spend time with us.

I don't really know what I want from this thread but I'm just so depressed and done with everything. The tablets aren't helping and I've started smoking again. I've never felt so lonely before

Wow that's long. Sorry. And thank you if you read it all x

He rolled in about half an hour ago. Made himself some food left loads of mess on the side and is now asleep on the sofa after promising me he'd come straight home from work so we could take the baby swimming. I've never felt so low in my whole life

Why does he think he has a right to go out every night but you don't?

First of all he sounds like a total man child. Evenings and weekends when he's not at work, parenting and house work/admin are equally shared. Just because you're on mat leave doesn't mean you do everything (I had a Velcro nightmare baby and could barely get any chores done in the day so my husband helped out even more, as he's a fully functioning adult).

Tell him you'll look after the baby two nights a week, he can do another two nights (then you can go out or even just have a bath/relax) and the other three you could spend together.

If he's not interested in spending time with you I'd consider ending things. You do not want a man child to look after as well as a baby. You poor thing, he sounds like a sexist pig.

@JupiterDrops thanks for replying

that's the thing I'm not even remotely fussed about the housework just the childcare and being home with me.

I have thought about leaving him hundreds of times but it's so hard when you love someone so much and they don't really love you the same back. Also I know I'm doing all the childcare already but the thought Of being completely on my own scares me to death

He sounds awful.

Can you move back to your parents?

Next time have a bit of a ‘try before you buy’ and rent a place with the man before having a baby with him. Don’t get lumbered with a second baby and a second useless lump of a ‘man’.

I would return to work and kick him out.

He may well spend more time with baby and work will be different type of break.

He seems to not actually care about you at all. I am not surprised you feel low . Raising a baby with an unsupportive partner is harder than doing it alone.

@SushiMonster they won't have me back. They kicked me out when they found out I was pregnant out of wedlock. They still speak to me and adore the baby but they wouldn't have me back.

I could probably stay here and get help with the rent and council tax

It's just so lonely and isolating already itsbjust going to be worse if he leaves. I just don't know what to do anymore

Could you just do house admin for yourself and the baby? Like only cook for yourself, only wash yours and the baby's clothes etc then maybe he'll understand how much you do when he has to do a 3rd of what you do on a daily basis?

Also, if you contact the council and explain your circumstances they may be able to help you find somewhere to live. Being apart might even fix your relationship because living together is hard

Your parents kicked you out for getting pregnant? Oh gosh you poor thing, what an awful way to treat you. I don't know anything about council housing but hopefully someone will be able to advise you. Really hope things turn around for you, and you find some better people to support you in life.