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Received scary letter from the CSA - should I reply

10 replies

theduchessstill · 25/10/2018 17:18

Ex is a total waster and believes because I earn more than him he shouldn't have to pay anything for the dc, ever. He sees them regularly but spends fuck all on them and gives me nothing.

After 3 years I contacted the CSA in February but, as I knew would happen, he's still paid nothing, despite them saying he only needs to pay £17 per week for two kids. They can't get it from him directly as he does temporary work.

Today I received a letter saying they are considering taking legal action and asking me for details such as his address (they already have it and I've seen letters from them there when collecting the dc), his phone number, details of his car, details of his employer, whether he has tattoos or distinguishing features??!

I'm a bit taken aback, tbh. I never expected much if any money from him and really only went to them to make a point as I was sick of his entitled and irresponsible attitude towards me and the dc - texting me to bring pants to his if they ran out while staying, for example. Relations between us have deteriorated since I did it as he now won't speak to me, even in a basic way in front of the dc. He sends me abusive messages saying it's my fault he may be evicted and never replies to my texts about arrangements, which can make life really hard.

I'm afraid if they do go down this route it will make things even harder and he may either refuse to have the dc at all, which would make life hard for me and be devastating for them, or even try and take them from me or fuck with me in some other way.

I thought the CSA were pretty toothless. I don't know whether to respond to the letter - I have some of the details they want, but not all anyway. WWYD?

OP posts:
whatsthestory123 · 25/10/2018 18:22

m ine is a long story so will be brief

DS dad has never wanted anything to do with him , contacted the CMS and at first he paid (wage stoppage) then he went SE and basically for the last 2-3yrs probably paid 3/4 times

asked for the claim and his wages to be considered again etc etc anyway to get out of it, well finally the CMS wrote to him and said they were going to court for a liability order

guess what?? got a payment today for £170,first time a payment this year, and cms done it all and had his address etc

GO FOR IT.them children should be supported by both parents not
just one, yes he will moan and bitch, dont let him get away when the CMS are making progress

whatsthestory123 · 25/10/2018 18:24

but he still ows £6k in arrears

georgedawes · 25/10/2018 18:54

It's your kids' money, I wouldn't think twice about doing it. You've done nothing wrong, don't feel guilty for a second. This is all on him.

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NoSquirrels · 25/10/2018 19:00

Just do it. He’s not going to take the DC from you if he can’t even pay £17 a week towards their upkeep. If he stops seeing them he’s an asshole. You’re entitled to money from him. They have 2 parents. He needs to step up.

It’s not your fault if he’s shit with money.

hmmwhatatodo · 25/10/2018 19:11

Why do they need to know what he looks like?

theduchessstill · 25/10/2018 19:30

So right on cue he has texted to remind me what an arsehole he is. I texted him because the dc stay with him on Thursdays and I've had a text from the school asking for £1 contribution for something tomorrow so I let him know. He's replied: 'You are insisting on taking my money so you need to pay anything for the kids.'

I feel like crying. how can their own father have that attitude? He sees them regularly, claims to love them and yet begrudges them £1.

Fucking hell.

OP posts:
Chocolala · 25/10/2018 19:33

He’s a twat and the author of any misfortune he suffers. Give the CsA the data they need.

And if he fucks off - given his poisonous attitude he’s probably doing more harm than good being present.

whatsthestory123 · 25/10/2018 20:17

well that little gem should give you more reason than ever to ok the CMS

Rhiannon13 · 25/10/2018 20:22

I feel like crying. how can their own father have that attitude? He sees them regularly, claims to love them and yet begrudges them £1.

And there is your answer. I'm not even sure why you'd want your kids to have anything to do with him tbh.

Lookatyourwatchnow · 25/10/2018 20:26

Don't even think about stopping the claim. He's a selfish little bastard who has never contributed to his children's lives financially. Every penny that he doesn't pay to CMS is money he is stealing from your children.

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