So my girlfriend and I were together 3 years. Most of it was very happy, usual kind of arguments that flared up sometimes , but probably like with most couples. Anyway, we got to the point where the arguments became more common and we got to breaking point. It was not working for either of us at the end. A few weeks after breaking up I then felt that I could have been better in certain ways and the pain of losing her did make me realise how much I loved her. (we had never had a break before and we lived together so I never really quite appreciated how much she added to my life). I saw room for improvement on my side... for that I am very regretful. But there were problems both sides, and she will admit that she is not easy! Anway.....I apologised after we broke up and said that I am sorry and I would like a chance because it has hit me like a steam train and I love her absolutely and think we could work our issues out. She said she is not ready and does not think it will work. Then for the next few months I was in agony but we still text each other most days, met each other, and everytime I thought we were getting closer she would say that she needed more time and couldnt see us being a couple 'right now', etc. But she would invite me for drinks etc or we would go out. It then would get to the point that I thought..... if are getting on this well, and the pressure of living together has taken some of the intensity out, then why not give it another go? But then she would say, she cant see us being together right no, she doesn't think it will for atm but in the future... who knows. I gave absolute space a couple of times but only for 2-3 weeks and then we would both start texting again and want to meet. Well, anyway, after about 3 months she said she didnt love me anymore, I had been out on a couple of dates to try and occupy myself when we broke up but it was too soon. After she said she didnt love me I tried to move on and start dating. I met someone who actually asked if I wanted to go on holiday with her (I had lots of holiday left to take at work but no one to go with), she seemed nice, easy going and friendly, so I said I will think about it (I am not normally spontaneous but I felt that I needed to change a few things about myself and it would at least provide a useful distraction and perhaps a fun time). We dated a few times and then my ex started sending mixed signals again and I felt we were getting closer, we went out a few times but then she started to draw away again. I could not work out what was going on! Then she said again that she didnt love me and to move on. So I decided to book that holiday. I then saw her with another guy and at first she denied dating but then said she had been seeing him for a month or so and he was funny and nice. I then said "I wish you had told me that some time ago but I wish you well, I think you should have given me a second chance before starting something new, and not tell me you need time and space and then start seeing someone else" (paraphrased). I asked if she wanted to pick up her stuff that was still at mine if there is no hope for us, then she said she does not know what to think do or say and she is confused and needs space and time. I was not very happy giving space and time whilst she continues seeing someone else! I then said a decision needs to be made, "you are going on holiday for 3 weeks so think about it and then let me know". I told her that I was seeing someone too but that I love her and want us to be together. So please think about it and let me know. she said she would think about it but she cant see us being together ATM. She then asked if I was going on holiday with the new girl I was seeing (she knew I was going to Italy and once she found out the girl I am seeing is italian - she put 2 and 2 together). I said yes, and if you decide you will give me a chance and love me then let me know. She then got very annoyed at me saying that I have been messing with her head by saying I want another chance and how much I love her and all the time I have a plan B (this is 5-6 months post break up). She was very annoyed I arranged to go to Venice and Rome because I was resistant during our relationship to go to these places. I explained that 1) I have changed a bit with my reluctance to travel and I was never that bad anyway 2) i would have liked to go with her if she had given me a second chance 3) it doesn't change the way I feel about her, I still love her and want a second chance but I cant just put my life on hold whilst she says she is confused and sleeps with someone else.
I dont think it is entirely wrong or contradictory to tell my ex i love her a lot but at the same time try and make progress and live my life. I wasnt stopping her seeing this guy. So yeah, my view is that we have both acted fairly irrationally perhaps. I started seeing someone else when I thought there was no hope, but then she kept sending the odd bit of hope for a future chance, that I knew may or may not ever happen. She is annoyed because she thinks I have messed with her head by saying how much I love her but all the time having a Plan B option Its been 5-6 months, surely that's enough time for her to make a decision and yes, I had started dating because if she turns round after 4-8 months and tells me without any doubt or later inconsistency, that its over, then I will have just sat there with my life on hold. Whats your views??