Advice? 13 yo dd unhappy with her weight, says she wants to die

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Really need some advice. My lovely 13 yo dd is increasingly distressed about her weight. She's taller than me at 170 cm and weighs 48kg. I think this is at the lower bmi end and it's difficult to see any surplus fat.

Howeve she says she's fat, all her friends think she's fat, and she wants to die. I've noticed she's not eating as many snacks (not necessarily a bad thing) and still eats meals normally. Fairly sure she's not bring sick after meals but she has lost some weight recently.

What can I say that will be effective? Just saying she isn't fat doesn't seem helpful and I'm worried about eating disorders etc. Should I seek help? Getting her to the go about a rash recently was hard enough so I can't imagine she'd be keen to talk to a doctor.

Any advice? She seems so unhappy

You need to get her seen by a professional.

Get her seen by the gp asap and request a referral to camhs for an assessment. I'd be concerned about the possibility of an eating disorder, her weight is on the low side for her height, my d who is 15 and being treated for an eating disorder has a target weight of 48kg to be on the lowest side of healthy at 156cm in height.
My d was making herself sick, and could be so sneaky about it.

She might not have an eating disorder, there are some indicators from what you've said that there could be.

Thank you for replying. I'm not sure I'll get her to the gp at all but will try to get an appointment tomorrow. More worried now. She seems to be shrinking but over a period of time, not really quickly. No experience of any of this

Well my mum had no idea I was making myself sick, I did it for years and she still doesn't know to this day. It's pretty easy to hide if you want to. I'm not sure what height or weight that is as I can only judge on feet and stones so I don't have a clue sorry. I would try and get her to talk to someone. At that age though I would have point blank refused.

So she is under seven and a half stone and five feet six, obsessing about her weight, restricting food, anxious, distressed and saying she wants to die? Please get help.

Anorexia has potentially fatal effects in the short term and if you get through the short term could cause long term health problems such as osteoporosis & infertility, not to mention the mental health issues that linger if it isn’t addressed quickly. I’ve seen two teenage girls of friends go through this in recent years - both ended up in specialist units at risk of organ failure with 24 hour monitoring.

I’ll say it again - please get her help - you have every red flag you need - if needs be see the GP alone prior and take advice as to how to proceed.

Could she be getting bullied in school? Are classmates telling her that she is fat? Or is it her own perception?

CAMHS will help if she is feeling suicidal. Our local CAMHS also has a new eating disorder section, although I’m not sure it’s nationwide it is worth finding out.

You have to do some sort of referral.

Go and see your GP

Or speak to school and get a referral to the school nurse and/or CAMHS (but a massive waiting list for this where i live).

You should take threats to end life/issues with body very seriously at that age.

Thank you. I will get a go appointment and speak to the school. Camhs is almost impossible to access here so that's worrying. But we can look at private help if necessary.

Thanks for the replies. I think some of the comments are from so-called friends at school.

Thanks again

I had bulimia for years and nobody ever knew. You do need to get her some help . Good luck.

In theory, you should get a referral to camhs very quickly, they have to offer an assessment for eating disorders within 28 days I believe. My d was seen by the gp in October last year, referral to camhs which was January and assessment by the ED team in February. My d didn't appear anorexic, however she was diagnosed with restrictive anorexia with purging.

Camhs will see her, they have to assess. Camhs where I am is terrible, huge waiting lists etc however the ED team are separate, however covers a larger area, and are much better. Because of the nautrie of EDs, they see them far quicker, despite the usual waiting lists for the other services camhs offer. They will ask for blood tests to be done before the assessment and for an ECG to be done.