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This man is a mystery to me

8 replies

Bestseller · 24/10/2018 15:16

Some time ago I worked for a man who was very successful in his field, very driven and ambitious but (I thought) thoroughly decent. It was an industry where we did "deals" and some of the opportunities we were offered were borderline unethical but we'd discuss them and although we sometimes disagreed he never put any pressure on me to agree to do a deal I was uncomfortable with.

Although he was my boss, unless I agreed, we'd let the opportunity go. He used to call be his "conscience" and I used to think he liked to have someone to run these things past.

I was in my 20s at the time and he was 10 years older and married. We worked long hours, often alone in the building late into the evening and were in a car alone almost every day. We got on well working together but there was never any crossover into our personal lives and he never once behaved in a way that could have been labelled even sightly inappropriate.

We worked closely together for 6 years then our careers diverged ,although still within the same organisation. Our paths crossed occasionally and it was always good to catch up. Very occasionally we'd each ring each other to ask for advice/expertise on a business proposal, which was always useful but we didn't have much contact beyond that.

Since then he's been sacked for a very complex fraud at work, sentenced to a couple of years in prison, during the court case numerous witnesses described how he forced them to do things against their will and how they suffered from horrible sexual harassment at his hands.

He dropped a lot of people in it who lost their jobs because,whilst they hadn't been involved in the fraud, they hadn't properly followed procedures that would have prevented it ( following his orders).

At the time of the trial it was reported that he'd lost everything, his £3m pension pot was reduced to nothing to repay what he'd stolen, his house had to be sold for legal fees etc etc His wife divorced him and he was estranged from his daughters. I knew an absolutely committed husband and family man.

He's out of prison now, in his late 50s and working for the account holder he defrauded. Our employer was actually the one defrauded but one particular account was used to orchestrate it iyswim. He has a new name and is currently arranging a wedding, rumoured to be costing £100k+ to a woman in her early 20s. I know this because an ex-colleague has accepted a job working for him.

I know I'll never have any answers but it bothers me that I could spend so much time with him and get him so wrong. Or if I was right at the time, what on earth happened to change him so much.? Also, what a lucky escape I had. If he had put pressure on me when I was so young and he was my boss, I'm not sure I would have been strong enough to do the right thing.

OP posts:
Bestseller · 24/10/2018 15:59

Yes, i was just off loading, but it is a real mystery to me. I wonder who else I don't know very well at all

OP posts:
30birthdayholiday · 24/10/2018 16:05

Not sure but maybe because he could see you had strong morals that there was no way you would ever 'go there' with him sexually so he never tried it on with you.
And those deals he tried to get you to agree to, if you had agreed to the first one then he may have persuaded you to do more shady stuff. But because you stopped it dead the first time he knew not to chance any funny business with you.

And that's why you saw a different side to him from what others saw, perhaps others were happier to partake in shady stuff.

As I say, not sure, but that's how your post reads to me. bet yous re relieved you didn't get sucked in.

HappyEverIftar · 24/10/2018 16:09

I understand exactly what you mean OP, I've been there with work colleagues and to a lesser extent, friends. You think you know someone, but in reality you don't. These people are very very good at keeping their unsavory side hidden but the truth always outs eventually. I think also it's a feeling of being duped, tricked and you question whether your judgement is as good as you think it is. Remember it's not you, these people are skilled at conning others. I feel sorry for the poor new wife to be.

Bestseller · 24/10/2018 16:16

Yes, I also wonder about the colleague who's accepted the job. She actually replaced me when I moved on, so would be in a very similar position to me. AFAIK she had no involvement and I'd be surprised if she did, but she knows all the history and the people who lost their jobs over it. I always thought of her as a moral person, but it seems everyone had their price. There are a number of other colleagues who've remained in close contact with him.

OP posts:
twosunbathingdogs · 24/10/2018 16:19

I recently discovered a close childhood/teenage friend was jailed for a large scale fraud. We lost touch after university, but I am finding it hard it hard to reconcile the person I knew with the crime they committed.

EnidButton · 24/10/2018 16:23

Not sure but maybe because he could see you had strong morals that there was no way you would ever 'go there' with him sexually so he never tried it on with you.

I see what you're trying to say 30 but this sounds a bit like victim blaming of those he did sexually harass. I'm sure they had strong morals too. Nothing someone does or doesn't do is to blame for the behaviour of a man (or woman) who sexually assaults or harasses people.

catmum94 · 24/10/2018 16:41

Maybe he just genuinely liked and respected you 🤷🏼‍♀️ he's obviously not a good guy but even horrible people presumably have people they genuinely care for. I wouldn't read into it as you being naive or not seeing him for who he was. Liars are good at what they do

ForalltheSaints · 24/10/2018 17:20

One company I worked for had someone who was a gambler and ended up in prison for fraud. At the same company one person found it very hard to believe that a former neighbour of theirs was a murderer.

Some people can be very different from what we think.

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