Is this social anxiety?

[kindnessisnotaweakness]

I can go about my daily life quite happily (although do tend to feel self conscious when out in public and feel like a lot of people look down on me when I’m out, especially women). I can have work meetings and speak on the phone without any problems.

I am too anxious to do the school run (OH does it) and can’t go to birthday parties or parent get togethers (there are a lot at my DC’s school).

People generally do seem to dislike me and have done since I was a teenager. If I do convince myself I can attend something I end up having a panic attack on the day and can’t go. I obviously feel sad and guilty about it as I want to be a normal mum for my DC’s sake, however she doesn’t miss out per se as her dad will always take her. We do have plenty of days out as a family too, it’s just when I have to go somewhere where there will be other parents (women especially) that I can’t cope with.

I would like to get this sorted, but not really sure if this is social anxiety or something else.

I only have one friend (a male) and have been treated badly and let down by friends in the past my whole life, so I guess that’s why I don’t attempt to make new ones.

People seem to really be disgusted by me and I’m not sure why.

This is me to a T, minus the panic attacks. Instant loathing all round, before I've even opened my mouth to say something. I was diagnosed with ASD at age 36.

No advice but can sympathise...it's made for a miserable life.

Hi Cail, thank you for your reply and I’m sorry to hear you are going through this too. So do you think people don’t like you because of the asd? Is it your body language then? I’m sorry for all the questions, I’ve had a miserable life for so long too and I really want to figure out what’s been happening.

Yes, I'm autistic as well. I've noticed that as I get older, people, particularly males, can barely disguise their contempt for me. I'm quiet and polite, but you can see it in people's faces that they think I'm stupid or something. They speak to dh perfectly normally, then just look at me. Even dh has noticed it, so it's not paranoia. I'm average looking and not hideously deformed or exhibiting strange behaviour, other than being a bit quiet perhaps.

All this has affected my confidence and I don't like going out now unless it's well away from people.

Dunno what to suggest to you. Medication can help I suppose if you have social anxiety.

Op. I have this too. I actively avoid the school run, putting my daughter in breakfast and afterschool clubs and my husband works from home one day a week to do the school run. He does the parties too. I've always been like this, hating parties and get together, even family ones.

I feel that sooner or later friends get tired of me and turn on me, criticise or exclude me. So I feel hurt and I withdraw from them. I've lost quite a few friends this way. I'm happiest on my own but feel bad that my daughter may be missing out. In that I'm not modelling normal socialisation for her.

My brother has slight Aspergers and I wonder if I have autistic traits too as I feel so different to other people. I may look into this.

I've registered for online therapy too, for CBT and to try to get to the bottom of why I'm so anxious about everything. Maybe try the online therapy?

It could be social anxiety or it could be ASD but you know what, equally, it's okay not to do those things if you don't want to.

I'm similar and used to always think everyone else was being off with me and I really struggle to be liked.

I am mid forties now and during studying a bit of ASD information as my son has many traits and I realised accidentally that I actually fit the profile for Asperger's syndrome.

I do think people pick up on awkward body language and naturally veer away.

Life would be boring if we were all the same 

That’s interesting. I have wondered if I have aspergers before.

I do feel very guilty for not doing these things and then feel like everyone must assume my DD doesn’t even have a mum, although I do go to parents evening.

I agree probably my body language is awkward / off. I know I’m not hiding my nerves if and when I do find myself in situations.

It does make life harder, I’d love to get it sorted somehow.

But then it’s also occasions where I am feeling OK, let’s say out shopping with my DM. Just a few days ago I asked the lady next to me if she was already being served (coffee shop) and she looked at me like I had two heads.

Maybe we overthink things. I know I'm terribly self conscious and after an awkward encounter when I'm not feeling relaxed I will brood on what I said, how I came across. Maybe the encounter with the lady in the coffee shop was fine but your anxiety got the better of you?

People believe what you project so if you can ‘fake it till you make it’.

I know it’s easier said and done but what do you care about what some random in a coffee shop thinks? I also think CBT would help you change your perception.... once you live less ‘in your head’ in these situations and start to externalise rather than internalise I’m sure these feelings would lessen.

I hope you sort it out for yourself as that negative internal dialogue can be exhausting.

If you are more relaxed after a glass or two of wine, then I would say it is social anxiety. If it is worse than that as mine was diagnosed as agoraphobia. Medication for a time helped me to get past it.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/agoraphobia/

I have many of the same issues. I was so relieved when my DCs finished primary school so I wouldn’t have to do the whole waiting around in the playground thing. I hate parties and events, especially things like going to my DHs work Christmas do where I have to try to make small talk. I lie awake for hours replaying everything I’ve said afterwards.

It’s weird because I have always worked in customer facing jobs, and have no issue with chatting to customers. I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s because I feel secure in talking about a specific thing I am knowledgeable about (I work in a library), but if I had to chat to that same customer in a pub, I’d be useless.

One of my DCs is very similar and I do find it hard to encourage him to be sociable because I find it so hard myself.

I'm the same in that I can't wait until my daughter finishes primary school then I can be done with the school run! I think this condition runs in my family as my sister suffers from agoraphobia and SAD and will disappear off the radar in the winter months...
Hopefully the CBT online counselling will give me some strategies to deal with it.

Hi, sorry for delay in replying. Yes people generally warm up to me after a few years of knowing me. It's as though they are terrified of me for some reason. All very odd. Can only assume it's the ASD - postural / facial expression thingy all wrong, I assume.

I have simply given up trying with people. Hey ho.

Go and see your GP.