Do I tell a member of staff?

[killingmesoftly70]

DD is mixed race and in a almost all white school in a fairly rural community.
She's had comments before about her skin colour and she is very aware of it. DD2 is 7 and I have 2 others (also mixed) who are 9,5.
Today DD came home and was ok but later on confided in me she was upset about what someone had said.
The African choir had been at school today and DD really enjoyed it saying she'd made a friend.
At lunch time a girl in another class said to her ' you should go back with them because you are brown'.
DD had told her older sister and a friend at lunchtime and I asked older DD about it who confirmed she's told her that.
DD is obviously very upset and I've had to have another long conversation about how she is fine the way she is. I've been trying so hard with her to accept her skin colour over the past year or so. This is just another set back.

So, do I let this go and keep convincing DD she is fine or should I report it to the school?

Last time, the teacher saw what happened during an incident on skin colour about a year or so ago and dealt with it by speaking to the class. She informed me about it afterwards.

Sorry this happened to your DD, OP, and that she has been having a hard time You know what, I used to think don't make a fuss, tell my (mixed race) DD to brush it off, instill inner self confidence etc. But this year I just decided actually I am going to be "that parent", I am going to make a fuss, I am not just going to let things go. Because it's 2018. Kids should know better. Schools should educate better. There's no excuse, rural or not. I am just fucking fed up with it. So yes, I would speak to the Head. They need to do more on multicultural education.

Thanks common, You are right. I've been the parent to brush it off as much as possible. My elder DD got called a 'black weirdo' recently too. it goes on and on. They are so young and I really feel the pain it's causing them. I've caught dd trying to scratch her legs white. :(

On account that ypur poor DD has self harmed to try to "fix" herself, be that parent.

She needs to see pride in her heritage and standing.up for the disempowered - be that person for her

Poor dd and a for dd

My kids are mixed race in a predominantly white area too and I would speak up.
Education is key here I think and by brushing it off we are saying it’s acceptable and it’s not.

Thank you. I will call the school tomorrow or write a letter.

Please do tell them- children who say things like that need to be taught that it's unacceptable to think that way!
I hope your DD isn't too upset

Oh op that's enraged and saddened me so so much. Your poor DD. Please be that parent. Not sure where you are, but in Scotland l'd be asking about GIRFEC (getting it right for every child) and how the school are going to manage this. I'm not in education or anything but am thinking of how a friend had issues.

Please do mention it to the school. I think I live in the same area (or another rural area currently being visited by The Singing Children of Africa) as you and the lack of diversity is the one real negative of raising kids here. My DDs have often been surprised at the attitudes of some of their peers regarding people of different ethnicity- there is a real lack of education and understanding.

Remind your DD that she is beautiful and it is stupidity and ignorance that makes other people make those kinds of comment.

Thank you shake and impossible. I've thought hard about moving away (we have been here a few years) nearer the city again. I feel guilty sometimes I'm putting through this.
I have written a letter to her teacher and will send it in tomorrow. It is sad. DD was born in England (as was her dad) and has only ever known this country. At this sort of age I can't help thinking it's only the parent's attitudes that these kids are verbalising.

Very sad.
Unfortunately a rural community is no place for a mixed race child ,where she's always going to be different/ other.
I've seen it happen before, not necessarily outright racism (although what your daughter encountered was) but always standing out, being other. I suspect she'd be happier and more relaxed somewhere where there are other children who look like her, somewhere with a range of ethnicities.
I'm very sorry she had to go through this , it must be heartbreaking for you.

Definitely let the school know. This needs dealing with! I'm a secondary school teacher and would definitely want to be informed if this had happened.

Delphin, I think you hit the nail on the head. I only moved here because of my mum but I think our days are numbered.
Thank you seven.

Absolutely report it to the school! All UK schools are obliged to record all instances of racial abuse/bullying (and homophobic too). They must record it, deal with it and let you know what they're doing about it.

Be that mum.
As a mother of mixed race dc in a white middle class school, who’s going to teach these dc if not the school? Sometimes it’s genuine ignorance that breeds these comments.

It’s often from their own homes they learn that shit. So it takes a whole society to set things straight.

Of course she must tell someone. 😊

This is something it is not only worth but necessary to be that parent about. The school should be coming down on this like a ton of bricks.

I think what flipped a switch in me this year was realising my anger about our racist society has grown bigger than my worrying about "making a fuss".

I say this as a White person. And I'm aware that as the White parent it feels like I am more able/confident to speak up than my non-White DH, who is worried about coming across aggressive or as having a chip on his shoulder if he complains to the school.

I think you should say something and I don't think you would be being "that parent" to do so.

Maybe the school should try the Jane Elliot Blue eyes, brown eyes experiment to teach the kids about racism. It is not acceptable that your children are going through this, and for kids who are not exposed to multiple races in their young lives it really hiits home what it is like to look a bit different, and why it's wrong to be racist.

Hi all, thank you for your support and comments. I wrote in a letter to school. They told my childminder (who picked them up that day) that they were taking it very seriously and she had handed the letter to a senior member of staff. A member of staff took both my daughter and the other girl for a chat on the same day. :)

Glad the school is taking it seriously. Well done for speaking up - this is definitely a case where you are 100% justified in being That Parent.

Good news OP. Let's hope something changes in the attitudes of the kids. Well done and thank you for doing something

Don’t ever worry about being that mum. I honestly don’t give a fig about what other parents and the teachers think of me. My job is to look after and protect my DC.

Please talk to the school

Sorry, just realised that you’ve already spoken to them. How’s your DD now?