So I have fucked up monumentally I have told children's services etc. I don't want my Older DC living with me anymore after a particularly nasty incident today where she attacked me physically, verbally etc.
I have been dealing with a lot recently and just snapped. I told her that I wasn't going to be her Mummy anymore and she was going to go live somewhere else (terrible I know, I know and I also know so much better than this)
However the call is made. I also shouted at staff where I live. Is this redeemable or am I going to lose both my kids and the baby I'm pregnant with?
I just snapped. I've been through so much domestic abuse, including the rape that lead to this pregnancy, and think j just snapped. She was acting like ex partner and saying similar things he would to me and I just couldn't deal with it any longer.
I don't want to feel like that again. She seems to have replaced him as abuser and I have no idea how to deal with it. Tantrums, breaking things, ripping my clothes etc. Refusing to give me any physical or emotional space and demanding food at the snap of her fingers then saying I've cooked it wrong etc etc. I have tried to be patient loving etc. But I just snapped tonight. I ended up calling every service going and saying I do not want her anymore.
I know that's the most horrible thing in the world and I feel so ashamed. I also love DCs deeply and would be ruined if I lost them. I just feel so alone and am struggling with current pregnancy etc
I have reached out to services before and basically just been told to handle everything myself/ wait and let it unfold.
I can't do this. I never thought I would ring SS on myself but I just did.
What happens from here? Will I lose my kids? Is this a no way back scenario?
Thanks