If your OH works away...

[champagneplanet]

DH has started working away through the week, it's not possible to come home as 4hrs drive each way and sometimes works nights. It's not permanent just as and when the work comes up so we go with it, by contrast he could be based locally for a couple of weeks working days so it's very unpredictable.

We have two DCs and I work four days per week, literally feel like I get home from work, tidy up/sort lunches, put DCs to bed and then go to bed myself, it's actually quite lonely when i've been used to him being around, it's a total change of routine for us. I'm also a bit of a whimp and don't like being alone at night so I think I need to grow a pair!

If your OH works away how long are they away for, how do your DCs cope with it and how do you manage things?

My husband works away a lot. There’s no set pattern to it, but he’s usually away for two weeks every 4-6 weeks. We have three year old twins who are really starting to notice and get more upset when he’s absent. He is a great father and husband so it really makes a difference when he’s away, and he finds it difficult, too.

I think the best thing to do is just to be organised and try to plan good things when you’re with the children on your own. I use the Organises Mum Method so the house never gets out of control, and I try to plan nice activities for the weekend to get us out, as I find that the hardest time when he’s away.

My DH has been doing this on and off (more on than off) in the thirty years we have been together.

He is very well paid, so we make the money work for us, I have a cleaner, a gardener, a dog walker and an ironing lady. Leaving us free at weekends to either slob about watching rugby or go out and so something together, these days it is generally lunch at the rugby club every second week, and then we watch the firsts play. Some times we stay into the evening and it being a rugby club it can get sloppy and good fun.

I have always worked, at one stage it was only an hour a day, but it got me out of the house and I spoke to other adults.

We have the one DS 17 who is now used to it, he and DH get on very well together and play golf occasionally.

If we don't go to the club, DH will do the taxiing on the basis that I do it all during the week.

You will get used to it.

Why oh Why do I always kill these things.

Same as Love my DH has worked away for varying periods ever since we met - over 30 years. He's not particularly well paid though so no cleaner etc .
Have to be honest in that it's all we've ever known and when he did do a 'local' job for a few years I found it really odd having him home every night and having to cook dinner.
I am the sort of person that loves being on my own/doing my own thing so I am very happy to be alone - we also have a teenage DS and he probably misses his Dad more than I do.
I don't feel any particular pressure to have 'family time' at the weekends, esp. now DS is a teenager, in fact I usually work on Saturdays. .

The DCs seem to be coping okay, we're really busy during the week with DD1s after school activities and me getting in from work late. Facetime is a bit of a novelty for them still so we haven't had tears yet.

I like the idea of a cleaner and an ironing lady, that is definitely a luxury I would allow myself if we start to earn a bit more!

I have found myself dragging on conversations at work too, i'm probably boring the life out of them all!

A cleaner is my best ‘luxury’. It’s just one less thing to think about. I’ve reread after my initial post and feel bad for being so negative.

In the past I’ve been far more positive but we’ve had a run of lots of small crap things that I’ve had to deal with and I’m worn down with it. Meanwhile it feels like ‘fun time dad’ rocks up at the weekend and does all the good stuff before clearing off again leaving the shit to me.

The reality is that he is struggling with working away after so long - we relocated from the midlands to Cornwall in 2010 (3 hours from nearest family) for the perfect job with little travel, only for him to be made redundant 2 years later. He was fortunate to find work straight away but it has always been up country so has meant him working away.

We have considered relocating again but the dc have strong ties here now and I love living where I do. I have my own career and a strong support network of friends. I would have to start again from scratch and there’s no guarantee the same wouldn’t happen again.

@PhannyMcNee I didn't read your post as negative at all, just honest.

I think we're all in the same boat to a degree, just with varying shift patterns! i'm having days where I swing from lonely and knackered to positive and relaxed about it all. It's just getting used to it I suppose.

We've done it for 23years. He is about to retire.. I am buying a shed.. For Me!!

You just get on with it. Don't sweat the small stuff!

DH has worked away for periods ever since we met. He was in the military, so was away on and off for months on end. And for a while we chose to live apart, so I could keep my career. Now he has left, but still works away because of a long commute. I work full time, no family support (or cleaner...one day...) but slightly older kids. All I can say is that I am used to it, and actually find it easier him not being around in the week now

My aunt and uncle lived apart their entire married life because he weekly commuted. They had the best, strongest marriage of anyone I have ever known. They made it work for them. Sadly, he died two years after retirement and them finally getting to be together all week.