DS 1 has just told me he thinks he's both genders inside

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

He's 8 years old. Is this something I need be unduly concerned about at this age? How do I help him explore this if indeed it needs exploring?

How did it come up, OP? Why does he think that? Depending on what he’s said would depend on how to respond. What did you say?

Clever people will be along soon I expect, but I would be asking what he means by 'gender', does he mean he likes boys' things and girls' things? And then using every example I can think of to show why the terms "girls' things" and "boys' things" are rubbish and silly. Of course he can like both.

He just came down from his bed and came out with it, then told me not to tell anyone about it. I just made some 'that's ok' comment and he went off back to bed.

I am too.

I can use a saw and change a tyre and negotiate contracts. Like a boss (man)

I also have great tits, which I choose not to push up to my throat and decorate with glitter.

Guess I'm, you know, normal.

You could also ask him where he's heard the word gender. It didn't use to have such currency among primary age kids.

Not sure that's appropriate for an 8 yr old vivarium

I'd explain that he can be a boy and have a range of different, contrasting feelings, interests and tastes. Feeling both masculine and feminine (as defined by our society and culture) is totally normal. I'd explain that we don't need to label ourselves with a gender and that it's not really important. Who we are is important: that has nothing to do with gender.

I would advise at that age just listen be open to his feelings, reassure him that it's ok to feel different. I wouldn't at this stage make any further steps and don't push anything onto him put keep the communication open don't push to hard when he opens up to you just listening and reassuring him is enough imo.

Are you in Canada op?

No I'm in the UK.

I think that’s totally normal, except when I was younger we wouldn’t have used the word gender. I’m just about as feminine as you can possibly get, have Oestrogen dominance and still have days where I feel a bit more “masculine”. I think we all have traits that are attributed to both genders. So some people see nurturing as being a feminine trait and aggression as a masculine trait but we can all be both at some times regardless of gender.

Could this be what he means? He has both feminine and masculine qualities.

Also...genetically/hormonally we have shared chromosomes and hormones to a certain extent. Could talking scientifically help reassure him?

Sorry, it's just a bit late for an 8 year old.

It’s half term so maybe he gets to stay up later?

Yes, bit late.

Did he watch that mermaids programme Butterfly? Gender is an unusual word for an 8 year old. Have school been talking to them (bet that’s it)
Tell him gender means nothing and he can like/ feel/behave/ dress how he likes.

It's half term and he's a night owl at the best of times. But isn't that spectacularly missing the point?

If it helps OP I'm Male, and like some things that are seen as feminine - it doesn't make me any less of a man. Tell him it's totally normal and he has nothing to worry about.

In that case, I think “That’s OK” is an entirely reasonable response and he clearly thought so too as he’s gone back off to bed.

It is a bit weird that he’d say “gender” - my similarly aged DC wouldn’t although I can imagine having a conversation along the lines of gender expectations, I just don’t think they’d use those terms.

So perhaps I might enquire gently tomorrow sometime why that came up- and react apppropriately if he says school/Scouts/whatever.

But I think no harm no foul in basically accepting he said it but not actively doing anything else about it. If he’s OK it’s OK.

Talk to him about how he's a boy but he's allowed to like "girl things" and it's totally OK and that it doesn't make him not a boy to like non stereotypical things.

Also was this picked up at school? I find the push for gender a bit depressing, couple of years ago it was toys for everyone people were trying to promote and breaking down the concept of gendee and now it feels were going massively backwards with if you like pink as a boy you must be a different gender

I wouldn't be surprised if he's expressed an interest for something feminine at school etc and someone has made a flippant "but that's for girls" comment and now he's confused

‘We all do sweetheart- it’s perfectly normal.’

And I believe it is. At his age I wanted to be a boy because I liked their clothes better (they looked comfier than girls’ clothes). My friends were mostly boys- they tended to crave adventure more than the girls I knew at the time.

I have had boys in my class confide similar thoughts to your son too.

If it crops up regularly, you can talk in greater depth, but for now just reassure him that his thoughts aren’t unusual.

Who cares if it's late?!

Anyway, it's normal. Guess he's just confused by the rampant stereotypes that are everywhere. Reassure him that boys and girls can like the same things.

Just reassure him that you love him and he can always tell you things.

Basically he is eight and not eighteen so it is probably a confusion about liking both boys and girls things. I was though I don't think people use the term so much these days a total tomboy as a young girl, I refused to wear skirts or dresses at all one point. Argued so I could wear trousers at school, this is the early eighties. People thought me a little odd but people picked things apart less and nobody thought quite so deeply about everything. Times were not an enlightened as now but sometimes I think we have gone so far in the opposite direction life seems overly complicated.

He is your child and has felt safe enough to tell you his innermost feelings. Remember that and hold on to it as a very positive thing indeed.

Normal? At age 8? How does he even have that language?
I would be shutting that down firmly and lovingly. Tell him that nobody is a boy or a girl inside, just in our bodies, and that it's fine and normal for boys to like anything at all, and doesn't make them a girl inside.

That was my first thought too Captain

OP, it could be any number of things that he means but I can't for a second think that it's anything sinister. There was a thread here only yesterday (by a Canadian) that touched on the Native American concept of "two spirit". Perhaps he's read about something like that somewhere.