Don't want to go to husband's friend's wedding

[firehaven]

I am in a bit of a situation and would like some advice. I don't really get on with my husband's uni friends. Never have. We've met after he has graduated. I do sometimes socialise with them when I have to but I don't like it, only do it for him. The worst thing is that he is a different person around them, and that too makes me uncomfortable. So this wedding is coming up, and he is the best man at it. I really don't want to attend, i barely know anyone there, and I will be alone there. I've been to a big party with them before and I felt very isolated, I come from a different country and I have nothing in common with these people. Even trying to make a conversation is stressful as people comment on my accent etc. I feel very guilty to feel that way about them but I simply just don't like them. And don't like him around them. I was trying to convince myself that there are different kinds of people at weddings and after having a drink I will be able to socialise with some of them, but it's just all too overwhelming. I suffer from depression and complex PTSD, I get psychotherapy and planning to bring this up with my therapist at the next session.

So you’re the partner of the best man? Hmmm it’s going to have to be a good solid excuse. Ok, a solid lie. To everyone, including your DP.

I’d go with ‘having a small medical procedure’ and the booking having to absolutely be that day, last chance for months. Perhaps the removal of a small suspicious mole? One dressing-type plaster and you’re done.

No question you should get out of going to this wedding. And maybe spend that day having a quiet think as to whether this guy is the right one for you. Doesn’t sound like his split personality is helping you with your challenges?

Maybe it would be worth adding that I don't like the groom that much neither, I don't like how he has treated my husband over the last years. He was never there when he needed him, and DH always does everything as soon as the guy calls. He didn't even ask him to be his best man at our wedding because he was afraid he will be rejected. I remember how upset he was when he stood him up and didn't come
for his 30th, he almost had tears in his eyes. So I really don't know why he is clinging to these "friends", it's probably his insecurity but I just can't pretend I like them..

Tell all this to your husband

Explain that if he wants to continue this charade then so be it - but you'd rather not attend and watch his good nature be trampled on etc

Either that - or be brave, get drunk and consider it a night away (have fun after the wedding in your private hotel room!!)

I don't like making up a story like this, especially as he already told his friends that I was thinking of not going.
I don't think he has a split personality, i this he is just very insecure himself and he wants to keep his friends.

How would your husband feel if you didn't go?
Would it hurt and upset him?

I would go smile and go, leave early, grab a bottle and enjoy the hotel room.

I would not go. I would not lie, just give them a general apology along the lines of 'sorry but I am unable to attend'. No need to go into your feelings or mental health challenges. The bride and groom will have other things on their minds and probably won't think twice about it.

And yes, absolutely tell all this to your husband.

I think he is quite upset but on the other hand I do feel like my presence wouldn't make any difference to anyone.
I am worried about the logistics as it is far away, I don't know the area, and simply having no one there with me is quite sad really, as he is going to be with the groom.