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Original poster

Do you every get over the feeling of not 'being done' re babies

12 replies

PixieCutRegret · 22/10/2018 11:23

DH and I have two lovely DS, DS2 is now 15 months and I've recently been feeling so sad that this we're coming out of the baby stage for the last time. I have packed up the baby clothes to go to other babies who are on the way and I just felt so heartbroken. I have always imagined myself with three children but I think realistically we should stick with two, the reasons being our finances are stretched anyway and would need a bigger house and car, also there are potential health implications of another pregnancy. DH says he is done and there is no way I would consider leaving him over it so that is that.
Do you ever get over the incomplete feeling or is it just a phase I'm going through, how do you get over it?

OP posts:
WeeSassenach · 22/10/2018 13:13

Yes! DH and I agreed we were done after 2 DC for pretty much the same reasons you mentioned above, and so DH had a vasectomy. I've regretted it ever since. I still yearn for more children even though I know it was for the best we only had 2. I try to concentrate on knowing we are over the sleepless nights, nappies, terrible two's etc and how lucky we are to have two wonderful DC especially when we have friends with fertility problems.

HairyToity · 22/10/2018 13:16

I'm fine with 2. I know 3 would overstretch us.

PiggeryPorcombe · 22/10/2018 13:36

I always wanted three. Had dc1 and dc2 18mths apart. I think the physical and mental slog of two babies put dh off having any more and he said he didn’t want to have a third. I was devastated. And the feeling didn’t go away at all for years.

However now dc are 10 and 11 and I am glad we stopped at two. Their emotional needs as they get older are far, far harder to cope with than the relentless nappies/naps/softplay of younger children. I genuinely don’t know how I would be coping right now if I had a younger child as well.

I’m also very much aware of friends with 3+ who struggle to juggle everyone’s needs as they get older. I look back at the baby and toddler years and think that despite the tiredness, they were by far the easiest years emotionally.

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OddestSock · 22/10/2018 13:40

I’ve got 2 - they’re 8 & 6 now & we always planned just to have two. When my youngest was very young I did think perhaps we would have another, but as time went on, we felt two was right for us.

Occasionally I think how lovely it would be to have another. It’s not going to happen, the gap would be too big for us, that ship has sailed etc. But sometimes I like to think that maybe we’d have a third.

I did have a scare when my youngest was almost 2. & I realised then that 2 was just right.

AvoidingDM · 22/10/2018 13:51

I get a tinge of sadness when i pack up stuff belonging to my baby - no more babies to use xyz.

However I enjoy the decluttering , tiny people have so much clutter, and I'm happy if I can make a pound or two from gumtree

Ochayethenoocoo · 22/10/2018 13:59

God no... I've 2 and I'm happy and know I'm done. In don't get the tiny baby thing tbh...they're boring and slightly annoying. Toddlers....hhm. I could possibly get broody for another of them.

Hedgehog80 · 22/10/2018 14:22

Yes......so much so that .....
Was sterilised after no4 (last min decision and pushed and bullied into it) regretted it and then went through 5 years of various treatments then a reversal to have dc5 !

LastOneDancing · 22/10/2018 14:34

I have two. Our family is complete. I think a third child would take more from my existing two than it would bring in our circumstances.

But I still get very wistful looking at tiny baby things and when I hear friends are expecting a third.

I enjoyed pregnancy and having a newborn is such a special time, but I think my memories are much sweeter than the reality!!

StillMedusa · 22/10/2018 15:00

Yes it passes.... took me four children to get to that stage though Grin

Really it wasn't until they hit their teens that I knew I definitely didn't want any more...the teen years are so needy..much more than babies because it's all emotions and hormones.

Plus adult children are fabulous!

NeedAUsernameGenerator · 22/10/2018 15:08

Yes, I would have liked a 3rd but DH didn't and I knew that we definitely weren't having any more about a year ago. Mine are 7 and 9 now and I barely think about it any more. I would say that we're very happy overall.

SharpLily · 22/10/2018 15:21

I'm pregnant with my second and for a number of reasons we know that stopping at two is the right thing for us, so I'm having a sterilisation as part of my C-section.

I'm not enjoying this pregnancy at all and hate the idea of ever having to do it again, and as much as I adore my daughter and am looking forward to the next one, I'm not a natural mother and I do struggle with it. However there's a part of me that will be sad to close the door on the idea of not having another baby. I don't have any doubts at all about the sterilisation, it's my choice and it is 100% the best thing for us. But still...

I think it's partly that there's a cultural shift in the idea that after decades spent working around contraception and fertility it's not an issue anymore, it's quite a lot to get your head around.

InDubiousBattle · 22/10/2018 15:24

My youngest is 3.3 and I'm resigned to no more but very, sad about it and not 'over it'. I really want to be though.

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