Can you ever make grandparents care about their grandchildren?

[daytimemom]

My DH’s parents have zero interest in our dc. I find it upsetting. They do live a couple of hours away but even if they lived round the corner it would still be the same. They don’t care about their birthday; dc don’t even get a phone call. They don’t care about seeing the dc on their birthday or Christmas or ever really.

DD is abroad on a school trip and my family have been taken an interest, asking after her, sending her texts etc. My in-laws probably don’t even know or care that she’s abroad.

Is there anyway I can make them take an interest in their grandchildren? I struggle to understand why they just don’t care when you read about thousands of grandparents who are desperate to have a relationship with their grandchildren but are denied.

I feel my dc are missing out by having two grandparents who couldn’t care less.

It’s so hard to witness, isn’t it? Our children hopefully aren’t picking up on it.

In my experience, it won’t ever change. Ours set the precedent when we announced the pregnancy after 15 years of TTC with ‘Well that’s very selfish, you’ve successfully managed to ruin our imminent retirement’.

And from there on it has only gone downwards.

We have to accept they are what they are. They’ve had choices to make and they have made them. People are different with different priorities. It doesn’t stop us trying though, does it?

When my ils lived less than ten mins away we never saw them.
Things became hostile until we are nc.
Then mil emailed all her friends saying we had cut her out of our lives!!
Trust me op your dc are plenty more than fine with your dps in their lives.

I've said this before (and seen other people say it) but when you have sex in your late 20s/early 30s you are not considering grandchildren in your 60s onwards. Having kids doesn't mean you then have a responsibility for their kids too. You can choose how many kids to have yourself (multiple births excepted) but you can't choose how many kids they have. So it's entirely up to them if they want to show an interest or not. Maybe they just want their own lives. It's not selfish, it's not for their kids to impose extra responsibilities on them. You might only have two kids yourself - they might have 4 kids each. 8 grandchildren you neither wanted nor asked for.

That said, not even sending a birthday card is pretty miserable. I had a miserable grandmother but she managed to send me a birthday and Christmas card each year (with money in).

I don't think you can change them. At least there are one set of loving grandparents. It's strange, and I don't understand how some grandparents can be like that but it's their loss.