Tell me what I need to know about hosting an at-home party

[Jolliett]

I’m not much of a host! And I don’t socialise too much except for a meal out or a coffee or a quick drink.
But it’s my (50th) birthday coming up and I want to celebrate.
When I was 40 we had 2 youngish children and lived in a teeny flat. Now we have a bit more space and the kids are older. I have made some very close friends over these years and a lot of other good friends. It feels the right time to host a party.

What I quite fancy is a sort of open house, drop in drop out whenever you want on the given day. But does this mean I’ll be on standby all day and will it lack atmosphere for some of the time? Would it be better to just do a proper evening party? What sort of food do people need? Drink and music I’m happy about!

Any advice greatly received.

For an 'open house' I'd do something like curry, chilli or pulled pork in slow cookers that will just keep ticking over. Anything else and you will be in the kitchen the entire time. Cheeseboard for dessert.

You need to have fun too!

I could imagine hanging around at the beginning anxious that no one was going to come because you don't know what time people are going to pop in. I would think that sort of party might work better in the summer when you can just be sipping drinks in the garden with a BBQ on the go and a more formal evening party would work better at this time of year.

Type of food depends on the time, but I'd go for buffet finger food.
Happy birthday!

You need loads of bung in oven food and tons of easy stuff like mezze bits, bread, cheese etc. Stuff you don't need to cook. More booze than you think plus a recycling box accessible. Get lovely friends to help tidy as it all goes and to take turns in the kitchen. Fabulous dress. Don't let anyone smoke inside, ashtrays outside for minimal clearing. Lots of loo roll and cleaning stuff on show in case anyone requires it. Don't do all the food straight away, spread it out. Provide taxi numbers.
Have fun!!

I would do a set time to be honest, an all day thing could either get messy or people come and go at different times so it's never got enough critical mass to be a party.

For my 40th I did an mid evening party, and gave people the timing 7pm-midnight, with an option to turn up earlier for those who could bring kids for a bit, but couldn't stay out/have childcare later. Intentionally gave a cut-off point as I have quite a few mates who are child free and still partying quite hard, so didn't want anyone rocking up after 11!

Bought Indian party food platters at Iceland (cheap and surprisingly nice!), and also lots of pizza and garlic bread type stuff, which did mean we were in an out of the oven between about 8-9, but worked well, as well as obviously crisps and nibbles.

One of my best birthdays was drop-in brunch. We borrowed some friends waffle makers etc and I roped in a good friend to help cook pancakes. People came from about 9-12 and it was easy but didn’t take that long. We had an open plan kitchen dining room though so depends on the house layout.

I think you need to set times for people to arrive, otherwise they won't stay, they will, just 'pop in'

First rule of catering

Lots and lots of drinks.

Second Rule

Plenty of dips/breadsticks/bowls of crisps. Stuff people can eat inconspicuously

But most importantly a stressed and busy host isn't a good host. Make life easy for yourself. Order load of sandwiches/platters from M&S, open lots of share bags of crisps and dips, a large glass of your favourite tipple and have fun.

Do a 4-5 hour slot
Lots of ice/glasses/paper plates
Shit loads of booze and soft drinks
Huge buckets to keep drinks on ice
Lots of beer bottle openers
Plenty of snacks
A place for coats etc
Extra seats, borrow if necessary
I have a cutlery/condiments/plate station
Playlist

Yes to lack of critical mass.
Also, you'll be eating all the time, as guests won't want to eat on their own. Sounds fine now, but will be oddly annoying at the time.

From personal experience, organise your party based on what you want to do and give people clear plans. Don't try to be accommodating, you can't please everyone and in trying to do so you'll be the one who feels like they missed out. I've fallen prey to this many times, where I have had an idea of how I wanted my hen do / 30th / 40th etc to go, and I got walked over every time because I tried to please everyone else. I have huge regrets and will never have those moments back.

A good party is one where there is a great atmosphere and a happy host. For that reason, pick a specific time that you like - either daytime (mindful that everyone has commitments on weekends) or evening, with an eg 3h slot. Then if people want to stay on and party they can do, but they're not all arriving at different times. For food, lots of nibbles in the oven (served along with drinks by willing teenagers in return for some ££??), M&S do a great range of party food, along with a good playlist.

It's your birthday and you're only 50 once, don't forget your cake!

Thank you for all those thoughts. Really helpful. I may still bottle out and just get dh to book a really nice restaurant just for us. But I don’t want to regret not doing a party. I just worry about how many to invite, where to draw the line. I know sooooo many people

We did an ‘at home’ for our house warming. I said ‘just come anytime from 4pm onwards’. Consequently, first guests at 4 - only a few. Big critical mass from about 8 and last guests (who arrived about 10pm) didn’t leave till 4am!!! I was absolutely knackered. Never again. Set a time (be a bit flexible) but set a time.

Food was good though. I did a couple of pork shoulders, lots of bread, apple sauce, stuffing. Pork is good hot, warm or cold in butties. Salads and cheese.
But for the love of your sleep - set a time.

We have a big party every year - around 60-70 people

I love it

I don’t cook anything hot otherwise I’m hot, bothered and chained to the oven

I do everything I like doing and make food I like. Selfish? Yes! But means I’m a very happy host, which as pp says is crucial

I prep food ahead so it’s just assembly whilst people here

I chat whilst assembling - all open plan

I get some stuff in eg sushi and make the rest

I rope in friends to hand food round

Booze and soft drinks all out and easily accessible so everyone can help themselves

I give a start time - usually around 5

In terms of who to invite - invite your favourite people plus the people that always invite you to stuff