First night alone...need a hand hold

[hopefullybettersoon]

Abusive ex has finally moved out. It's my first night in the house knowing that he won't come back. I've done loads of nights without him here, but this feels different. Like I am really really alone this time. I feel like a single parent properly for the first time. It's scary.

I feel completely overwhelmed. I'm relieved but I want to cry. I miss him. Not the utter dickhead that he turned out to be but the person I thought he was and the life I thought we might have.

Not sure why I'm posting really. Just feeling very alone. Think my friends are all busy and don't want to bother them with my wallowing. Please tell me it gets easier?

Ah hopefully, if you want to cry then cry & get it out of your system. A good cry does us a world of good sometimes!

It's scary af, but keep putting one foot in front of the other & you'll get there, I promise

Thank you so much. I might just do this. I've put SCD on for some mindless noise and I'm having a glass of wine and some crisps.

Tonight will be hard but it will get easier. It’s early days. Be kind to yourself - if you need to cry, then cry. Keep a light on overnight if it comforts you. Tomorrow morning you’ll wake up and feel pleased that the first night is over, and the next will be a bit easier. One day you’ll realise that you haven’t found it difficult for some time! You can eat what you want, watch what you want on TV, sing to yourself, lie in the bath for hours... do it!!!

As an afterthought...you're not alone! MN-ers make the very best cheerleaders when you're in need of a hand hold or kick up the bum to stop wallowing.

Enjoy your wine and crisps. I'd be having one too if I could have been arsed to go to the shop for myself earlier on!

I was married prior to DH (no DCs) and when he moved out properly & we were really NC it was really strange to be alone in the house and I felt quite vulnerable. After a while I did get used to it (at this point I wasn't really mourning the relationship - I'd gone beyond that but I was young with no family support really) To the extent that when I had a girlfriend move in as a lodger I found it quite hard to get used to someone else invading my space & doing stuff in the house (living in it!). That part gets easier I promise.

Single parenting I have no experience of, but I'm sure you will get into your own rhythm of life & I'm also sure you will eventually luxuriate in the freedom from this mans tyranny! Enjoy your wine, try not to worry too much. Give yourself a break - cry if you need to, it's OK - be kind to yourself. You are a strong and brave woman in my book!

Thank you so much everyone, I've been on mumsnet long enough to know there are so many people going through the same and it is a comfort to know that you're not alone. Mindless tv noise is doing the job of not making the house feel so empty too. And I have to keep reminding myself how much better off I am without the dickhead.

The first month is always the hardest after a breakup, but then life settles down again. So it will be strange/scary/surreal for a bit, but you'll start to feel normal again - just give it some time. In the meantime, lots of distractions, video games or television or whatever gets your mind off things. Good luck and congratulations - you can do this!

Sending you hugs and congratulations. You can do this. Are your DC in bed? When they get older they will be up until you go to bed so it won’t feel as lonely.

@hopefullybettersoon how did your night go? Did you sleep well? :)

Thanks again everyone. I've had a fitful nights sleep both nights now. First one I was only dozing and kept dreaming about him. It was horrible. Yesterday I went to bed when the kids did so didn't feel too alone in the house. Still didn't sleep well. It's all very unsettled at the moment though so hoping it will improve.

Hang in there! It will get easier. If you've got any spare pennies get yourself some nice things for your bedroom to help you sleep & make sure it feels like your haven in there - a smelly candle maybe with relaxing oils / a nice soft cushion - it's your space now remember & you can do what you like - a bit of self love sometimes goes a long way x