First birthday party etiquette

[MsRosewater]

I'm an older (+ slightly anxious) first time parent. I'm from another country and don't have any friends with young kids I can ask for advice so appealing to the good people of MN!

DD (11months old) has been invited to a couple of first birthday parties for NCT and baby-group chums. Both are in hired halls. I have no idea:

1- what would be an appropriate amount to spend on a gift

2- how to dress DD; are frilly dresses the done thing? Or other 'fancy' baby clothes? She's an active little thing so we've avoided dress she gets tangled up with skirts. I'd appreciate some suggestions

3- is DH meant to come too? Invitations were addressed to DD..

4- because I don't have family near by and as we're new to where we live I don't know lots of people and wasn't planning to do a Birthday party for DD. I feel guilty about not reciprocating invitations; AIBU or should I arrange a picnic/ soft play gathering etc ...

Sorry about the numpty questions and TIA for advice 

1. depending on how well you know the baby/parent I’d go for between £5 and £10 for not family - a wooden jigsaw or a book is usually good so you don’t buy something they already have
2. I’d go for a bit special in some way but it doesn’t have to be a dress! My dd had some sparkly leggings that got a lot of wear - or just a nicer than usual top
3. id normally go on my own but if dh wants to or knows hosts im sure they would be happy for them to come too
4. I haven’t done a part yet for dd (2.5) as family don’t live near and it would be a pain. Never been an issue (I just don’t expect any bday presents from friends) I’m planning one for her 3rd birthday though so things may change in the future for you too

I'm going back a good few years but I used to stick £10 in the card if I couldn't find a present for that amount (or less!)

Dress her in whatever she's comfortable in, as long as it's clean(ish) and won't get ruined by crawling/mooching about with the other little'uns. If she has a "best" outfit it might be nuce to put her in that but ONLY if it's practical.

The invite will be for your daughter and whichever parent is caring for her at the time. If you usually only see these people without your husband then I'd say definitely just you and your daughter go.

At that age I personally think parties are a waste of time. I only had close family and friends round when it was my son's first, second, third birthdays. The bigger parties came at school age.

Relax

Sorry, I meant to add that as you don't have family/friends close by, please don't think you "should" do a party just because some others have.

Thanks so much for your responses; they're really helpful and reassuring xx

MsRosewater just take your daughter, have a lovely time together with the other children and don't overthink it

I spend £5-10 depending on what I see. I agree with nicer than usual clothes. Dresses if you like or nice leggings and a top. In our group DH's do typically come so maybe just ask another Mum if partners are coming.

Don’t worry about what she’s wearing. It’ll be covered in party food by the end anyway! £10 prezzie- agree book or jigsaw type thing. I used to buy things in the sale aisle whenever I saw them and built a little box of birthday prezzies that I would take. Bubble machine was a particular fave! My husband used to come too- as did a lot of the dads (if they wanted to!) It’s lovely to see your little one playing with their friends - she used to love it! And nice for him to meet the other dads too! Mind you, that all stopped when number 2 and 3 came along! It’s very much divide and conquer now!

I mean a little box of birthday orezzies that I would choose one to take to each party! I didn’t take the whole box! 😂😂

First birthday parties are entirely unnecessary, so definitely don't feel you need to do one. (I think the rule applies throughout childhood that you never have to extend an invite, but if you don't, your child just gets fewer presents than the children who have massive parties - which is fine).

Definitely agree with £5-10 present.

I always like to dress my child up smart for birthday parties, but that's just my own personal preference. You can get some fairly cheap-but-smart clothes from eg H&M.

Only one parent needs to go (unless you're both friends with the parents).

Enjoy! And you might make a few friends while your there 

"While you're there" 😳