Unpleasant behaviour on social media by pre-teens - WWYD

[Notcontent]

DD is 12. She doesn’t have Instagram, etc but she does have WhatsApp, which I naively thought was harmless. Except it’s not necessarily... Most of the group chats are harmless, with people who are her actual friends. But she is also on a couple of group chats with people from her primary school, which seemed nice at first but not so much now. In particular, there is one girl, X, who DD was very good friends with when they were younger. X “dropped” DD as a friend but later they remained on good terms. X, unfortunately, constantly puts stuff on WhatsApp, and a lot of it is not very nice - lots of those silly things like “most annoying person in year 6 was Mary”, “most popular person in year 6 was Jenny”, etc. Today X was doing something on the theme of friendship and DD was devastated to see that X posted a picture of the two of them with the caption “Friendship broken”. It just seems so mean and unnecessary...

There is nothing I can do, I know, but this is why I think parents should check their children’s phones...

There is nothing I can do

Talk with your dd
Your dd could block X
You could contact X's parents
You could contact school.

Thanks Mean. I did talk to Dd. And if they were at the same secondary school I think I would raise it with the school. I know some people would say it’s no big deal but actually I think it is...

She's clearly too young for social media. I'd take her devices off her and block any internet access.

Well seeing as the age limit for WhatsApp is 13 (and 16 in a lot of other countries), you could take her off it.
But everything Mean said.

HollowTalk - are you talking about my DD??

Yes, I could remove WhatsApp from her phone but she uses it to communicate with grandparents overseas and to talk to school friends about homework... my DD hasn’t actually done anything wrong...

I would tell ur dd to come out of that group and just follow the people are proper friends.

Sadly this girl is a bully and yr dd needs to remove her from her life.

Tell her to leave the group chats which include the mean behaviour.

Get her to leave the group chats where these issues are arising. I agree she is young for social media, but understand it’s hard socially to be the only one who doesn’t have Whatsapp.

My DS is a similar age and Whatsapp is the only social media account he has - with the condition that I get to look at it any time I want with no warning, and that he shouldn’t post anything he wouldn’t say in real life to someone’s face. There have been a few times when I have thought his tone, or things his friends have posted have been a bit mean - which is, I think, the biggest issue with tween kids and social media.

While the examples you’ve posted are understandably hurtful for your daughter, they are relatively tame compared to some issues I’ve seen/had to deal with with pupils (I’m an English teacher). If your daughter isn’t old enough to cope with fairly tame mean girl behaviour she definitely shouldn’t be in the Whatsapp groups.

To PP who said age limit is 13, age limit is actually 16 - used to be 13 but they sent new T&C out earlier this year and everyone would have had to agree that they were 16 to continue to use. I was the mean parent who told DD she couldn't have it until 13 as I didn't want her lying but even Iet her keep it though still under 16. DS still having to wait till he is 13.

But glad so held out to 13 as meant DD more mature by the time she got it - though I still check her phone occasionally and she seems to tell me when there's any bitchiness and knows to keep out if it. Really you just have to help them to deal with it and not treat others like that.

She can leave the conversation.
She shouldnt have whats app anyway.

All good points. Thank you.

I am going to have a serious conversation with her tomorrow and get her to leave all the chats that don’t involve real friends.

Trouble with whatsapp is when you leave a group it states in the group "xxx has left the group" which could incite more meanness. I would tell dd to ignore the group and not post on it anymore.

I agree with pp that although your dd found it hurtful it wasn't bad compared to a lot that gets said on these groups and it was true from what you say, they're not best mates anymore.

She can ignore the group for a period and then leave Yes it will say dd has left but so what. If she's not at school with them anymore that should be the end of it.

Add in a chat about how people mature at different rates and that mature people don’t post such silly things, the other girl is clearly immature.

If she's not able to rise above it or just remove herself from the mean groups without worrying that people will know, I then she shouldn't be on there at all. There are other ways to communicate GPs

Agree with other posters that you need to be more proactive about your DD's social media use.

How confident is DD? Would she post a comment on that group asking if it's a group for primary friends to keep in touch or a group for the character assassination? You may find others speak out of your DD does and if they don't then she can post that she is leaving group as she is past all this talking about others.

WhasApp is for 16+ for a reason.

parentinfo.org/article/whatsapp-a-guide-for-parents-and-carers

To PP that says it's 16 for a reason - yes, to comply with GDPR. Personally I think 13 is about right as long as you have taught your child about the dangers of social media etc and still check your child's phone occasionally