Inheritance and the disabled child

[softandgentle]

How normal is it to make provision in your will for a child with serious but not life-shortening illness? An adult child?

Do they get more, less or the same as any other DCs?

Your assistance required on this one - situation is a couple in their 80s, wealthy, most of it inherited. The DDC is age 50, suffers from very unpleasant mobility and work-limiting illness. Used to be a high-flyer, now on ESA and housing benefit.

DPs have said they're not sure what they're doing with their finances, but they've been very firm about prioritising themselves. They will both need long term care, at about 100k pa in central London, and are making no plans to consider the welfare of the oldest DDC.

I'm polling the wisdom on MN on this one - I'm, er, surprised.

The DDC has always been financially rather more independent than most people. When big medical bills were an issue some years ago (he had to go private in an emergency as the NHS let the ball drop) the DP said they didn't want to help. Luckily other family chipped in and saved the day.

There's been no help with housing, living costs, a car, 0. Nada. So it's not like they've been supporting him in life.

What do you think DP should do in their will? They've suggested to the DDC that he 'finds a charity' for help in his old age.

Tricky to know without knowing more details.
The elderly couple are not being unfair to want to make sure they have enough for their own care. 100k pa now might end up being a whole lot more in a few years.

Might they be thinking that when they die their disabled child will get some of the inheritance then or have they literally cut them out of their will.
Also, perhaps the older couple dislike being asked for money and being asked what they will do with it when they die. They might feel that is very grabby and entitled (I don’t think it’s an unreasonable question but that might not be how they see it)
Might there be a reason the elderly couple ‘disapprove’ of their child. Might they think the child should have saved money when they were a high flyer? Or something similar? Might they dislike the child’s partner? There could be lots of reasons.

What was the emergency op that the NHS didn't/couldn't/wouldn't do? Im a bit shocked at that!

Ah op, they're never gonna 'step up' the way you want them to. Best forget about it all and let them get on with it.

Obviously if it was my son and I was wealthy, I'd be bending over backwards to make his life as 'easy' (in the way that money makes certain things easier) possible. But not everyone would.

I would like to think the estate split in favour of the disabled person but that probably won't happen. So siblings could consider accepting the situation as it is and gifting a portion of theirs after the event.

I presume they are at least going to give him the same share as his siblings?

They seem to have a weird attitude to all this.

How well does the DDC get on with family members other than the DP?

I ask because giving him a lump sum could reduce his eligibility to benefits. However, there are some types of trust you can set up, which if there are relatives who get on with him well enough, and could be trustees (ie the non-disabled Siblings), then his share could be put in such a trust to give him extra adhoc support as needed, without impacting his eligibility to benefits.

I think the trust has to be set up to provide support to DDC or others with that disability.

Is DDC's disability expected to continue to deteriorate, or is it fairly stable? Does he have a named Power of Attorney?

I'm not sure of the details I'm afraid, but it would be worth exploring.

OP, I think PP are right. I don't think the DP will ever step up.

They've refused to help with medical treatment for a sick child. If someone tells who you they are, listen.

I should stay out if it. Their money, their lives, their decisions.

I'd need to know more detail. Previous high flyer. Now unable to work, and an emergency op not done on the NHS- or they juts wanted it done faster? They are prioritising their care, so they don't burden the rest of the children. This is fair. If there is an inheretence left- then the children can decide if they wish to contribute to the ongoing care of the sibling. If they choose not to, then surely that is their choice /fault. I wouldn't be relying on Inhereted money, but making my own arrangements for future care.