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Original poster

Friend no longer responding to any messages, what next?

17 replies

TheKitchenWitch · 19/10/2018 16:53

She is an old work colleague, and we stayed in touch after we both left the company. Met up once or twice a year, occasionally emailed in between (never phoned, always emails). So not really, really close friends, but we'd been through some very hard times together, and she was sort of like an old school friend in a way, we didn't need to see each other often in order to just pick up where we left off.

Last year I didn't hear from her on my birthday which was really unusual. I emailed her on hers, got no response, and then at Christmas again nothing. I then noticed that she was on WhatsApp, so I sent a quick hi asking if she'd changed her email address as I'd tried to get in touch. Her response was that she was having some health problems and would get in touch when she was feeling better.

It's now a year later, and well, I don't know what to do. I've heard nothing at all from her. I don't want to bother her but I'm now very worried that something awful might have happened and I just wouldn't have heard about it. I miss her.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Djnoun · 19/10/2018 16:54

Nothing.

DragonGoby · 19/10/2018 16:57

How about sending a Christmas card (in a few weeks, obviously) with a friendly message inside? Not too full on, easy for her to ignore if that's what she wants for whatever reason, but reminds her that you're thinking of her.

Original poster
TheKitchenWitch · 19/10/2018 18:22

So you'd just forget about her completely, Djnoun?

Unfortunately, Christmas cards are not at all a done thing here (not in uk) so that would be odd.

OP posts:
Shockers · 19/10/2018 18:28

What about a short letter, hoping that she’s feeling better and offering an ear, should she want one?

HollyBollyBooBoo · 19/10/2018 18:30

Just leave it. She doesn't want to be friends anymore. They come and go, don't worry too much.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 19/10/2018 18:32

Nothing. She’s basically trying to ghost you.

And if I’m wrong and something is truly wrong you have to give her space to tell you should she wish to.

So leave it, and in the most positive way, forget about her x

OliviaStabler · 19/10/2018 18:38

So you'd just forget about her completely

Yes. She clearly cannot or does not want you in her life right now. Respect her wishes and stop contacting her. Each time you do, you push her further away.

AliceRR · 19/10/2018 18:41

I also say leave it as even if something is very wrong she made a choice to have some space from you

I know it’s difficult

JosellaPlayton · 19/10/2018 18:42

If you haven’t contacted her in the year since she replied mentioning her health problems then I don’t think it would be overly pushy to message her and ask how she is and say that you hope she’s feeling better. I wouldn’t hold your breath for a reply though and if you don’t hear anything, you’ll sadly have to move on and accept that the friendship is over.

Original poster
TheKitchenWitch · 19/10/2018 19:05

I haven't been in touch since she told me she wasn't well - I responded with someting like hope you are better soon and would love to hear from you then. I haven't been bothering her at all.
We always met at Christmas, every year without fail, to catch up on what'd been going on in our lives. I suppose I'm thinking of her more now because that time is coming up and for the second year we won't see each other and I have no idea how she's doing...or tbh even if she's still alive :(

OP posts:
Angelcd · 19/10/2018 20:22

Aww that is a shame she has done that and not said what the problem is. A friend did this to me for a year hardly text me never wanted to see me and after a year she blamed it on her health ,we talk now but i dont feel the same way about her now. A few of my other friends have this problem too at one point in their life.
I would leave her to it, the hurt will go away and u wont always miss her that will go too. X

Djnoun · 19/10/2018 20:25

Unfortunately, it does sound like she's ghosted you. The most sensible thing is to do nothing, although I know it's very hurtful.

Mayhemmumma · 19/10/2018 20:25

Know the feeling....I've decided I'm not going to chase my 'friend' of nearly 25 years any more . She makes sod all effort with me or my kids unless it suits her.

Original poster
TheKitchenWitch · 26/10/2018 11:34

UPDATE:

so I sent her a short email just to say hi and she replied!
She said the last year has been massively stressy, but things are finally calming down a bit, and we should meet up as we've probably got loads to catch up on.

Meeting up for dinner at our usual Greek restaurant in 3 weeks' time.

I'm so pleased! :)

OP posts:
AliceRR · 26/10/2018 11:38

Oh that’s nice OP

RubyLux · 26/10/2018 12:58

😃 lovely!

Angelcd · 26/10/2018 13:40

Aww hope it goes well, let us know how it goes x

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