Major travel FAIL

[talllikejerryhall]

I am not in Greece right now, nursing a glass of rose while my daughter frolics on the beach. I am sat in slightly chilly hotel room, ten minutes from Gatwick airport, gradually recovering from the horror of this morning.

We were on time. All was well. We’d gone to pret, had some porridge, it was 430am, but who cares, we were off to GREECE, baby!

I have a little pootle around the shops, come back and DH says he’s gonna pop to WH Smith with DD. I’m like yeah, cool.

Then, I wait. Then wait some more. I’m beginning to feel alarmed as it’s 530 and our flight’s at 5.55.

Can’t see em. I call his various phones (man’s got more phones than a drug dealer) and can’t get through (though not a good one).

Then, I see them like distant specks in the flow of airport humanity.

I’m like WTF dude, we are gonna be late!

Look at the board with alarm to see our destinations isn’t there 🤔

Grab some guy with a lanyard and beg him to tell me which gate to go to - he’s nice, starts fiddling with his phone (probably a little frightened). His internet won’t connect.

A cold sweat is beginning to form - we run to the information kiosk where an overweight blonde lady is asking a making an inquiry about the vegan options on her flight.

She can see by the crazed look on my face that now is a good time to step aside.

The easyJet lady gives it to me straight: you’ve missed the flight - the gate closed five minutes ago.

But she gives me the gate number! 🙌

And I live in a beautiful place called Triumphant Denial - so I shout DH and jog heavily, lugging DD in ever more uncomfortable positions. Out of my way folks, we have a plane to catch 🙋🏻‍♀️

We finally get there and i see the EasyJet lady and I beg - implore her - to let us on the flight, tears filling my eyes.

She has no idea what the hell im talking about - she just got here and she’s opening the gate for the next flight.

The penny is dropping through the air... and thud. We have missed the goddamn flight. I look at DH all ready to lose my shit, but you know what - losing my shit isn’t going to magically transport us to Thessaloniki. My rage is an awesome thing, but it doesn’t propel me though the sky - I KNOW THIS.

So we trudge back up to the information kiosk and EasyJet lady is sat there looking at us with a mixture of mild derision and pity - the pity was the WORST. We sit there waiting to be taking back through security, looking like the most miserable, unhappy, opposite-of-holiday-makers gang you could imagine. Like, hmmm I don’t think I wanna get on a plane with those weirdos, they literally look suicidal.

We are joined the other idiots who somehow managed to miss their flights WHILE IN THE AIRPORT. No one’s making eye contact.

We rebook our flights for tomorrow and agree that waking up at 2am in woodford is too ground hog day for words and besides we are TIRED.

So here I am, listening to DD gently snore and recording the tale of our epic idiocy, trying to get DH to pore through the travel insurance to see if here is any way we can somehow recoup the £400 we’ve spent on this almighty screw up. He says that there’s no insurance for being an idiot.

But hope springs eternal.

You know what is REALLY annoying about this whole fiasco? He didn’t even BUY the thing he was queuing for, cause he got tired of waiting.

Well, I thought your post was funny - I'm a bit overweight too, meh - and I once missed a flight by turning up 24 hours late, so I hope that makes you feel a little better Having arrived over a day late I then had the best holiday of my life - I hope you do too.

Good luck on your novel or whatever the fuck this was written for.

This was almost us in June. Got to Heathrow in plenty of time. Had breakfast after going through security. Kept checking the departure boards for gate info.. no gate for our flight. Went for a browse in WH Smith, stood in the queue when DP came running in and dragged me out saying our gate was closing. I swear the bloody gate had never opened! We ran like loons to get to the gate. We made it, just.... last people on the plane, glares from other passengers. I think I was still trying to get my breath back when we landed in Corfu.

Good luck on your novel or whatever the fuck this was written for.

Self published judging by the quality of it

This whole thing is baffling. Why didn't you know your gate number? Why didn't your DH know when the flight was boarding? These things are written on the ticket.

I genuinely don't understand how someone could miss a flight while sitting on their arse in the fucking airport.

I missed a flight by forgetting that the time zone changed in Amsterdam where I was connecting rather than there to Italy where I was arriving. Pre smartphone days, I arrived in Schipol, looked at my good old analogue watch, thought ‘that’s a long collection I’ll get lunch’ was sitting in a nice restaurant keeping a vague eye on the board when I realised my flight number was flashing - thought that was a bit odd then realised what I’d done. Scrambled but by the time I’d paid the bill, run to the gate and got through the gate security (helpful schipol thing) the bus to the flight had left. I could still see the plane on the ground but because the bus had left they wouldn’t let me get to it. Fortunately it was a main airline, not low cost and I had some level of status with them so it only cost me about £50 to change to the flight that night. Meant I pitched up in a city on my own late at night and had to find a hotel before I could get the next train onwards in the morning, which was more expensive. Not my finest hour!

I'm so glad I found you... Check out my recent thread called stupid ways you've wasted money...!

2 fails this year.

Arrived at the airport. We had 1 hold piece of luggage (all my shit) & 1 carry on (DPs clothes etc). Put my bag through the self check in thing. Went through security & then to get our customary glass of holiday fizz.
Me : ‘ where’s your bag’

After lots of accusations we had to plead with the airline desk to escort me back through security but were told it would have probably been treated as a suspicious bag & may have been destroyed. Thankfully it hadn’t & we made it to the gate with minutes to spare .

I had booked outward flights from the wrong airport involving a 2 hr journey instead of 15 minutes.
On arrival DP asked what time our return flight was : I broke into a cold sweat when I checked and realised I had booked it for a months time .

DP travels weekly for his job & I take about 10 flights a year so it does/can happen to seasoned travelers

Well your DH isn't the only one coming out of this looking like a twat, is he?

Haypanky - I read that one! 😂

Yes, here is my late submission 😭

EasyJet don't do tannoy calls. I have been caught out by this fundamental failure before now . Even worse, I was actually at the gate, reading work emails. There were three queues waiting for parallel gates, and my flight was the left hand one. I was sitting the far side of the right hand one in a communal seating area for these 3 gates, so did not see my queue moving. No calls were made. When it got to just before my departure time and still no calls, I went to look and the queue had gone. I asked at the gate and they just pointed out the window at my plane reversing away and said 'EasyJet don't make announcements' and sent me back through security.

In fairness the woman on the gate then phoned the customer service desk and by the time I got there, they had pulled up alternative flight options for me, and I was on the first plane the next morning.

According to DH, who has spent several years working at Heathrow, most airports now have a quiet policy, where they avoid all tannoy calls. So if you're not there, tough, they just offload your luggage and fuck off without you.

They don't make announcements for all flights in most airports- the tannoy would never stop. Usually they'll tell you at check in when the gate will be announced and it's your job to keep your eye on the board.

Usually it's only the desperate "last call for passenger Brown travelling to Ibiza, please proceed immediately to gate 8 where the flight is ready to depart." Always think it would be more effective to announce "Jane brown get your arse to gate 8 or we're going without you"

I was with you till the overweight comment.
Now I’m kind of glad you missed it.
Just no need.

I’ve never done this but I have booked the wrong date (return leg, realised on the outbound flight) and not allowed enough time to get to the airport.

I did similar but with the outbound flight. I'd been checking dates for a flight in February and one in March, thought I had selected the February one but I had actually gone for the March one. I realised the day before the flight, called the airline who said I would have to go to the desk at the airport. My friend drove me to Heathrow to arrive at the desk when it opened and I managed to swap the flights but it did cost me $500 and it took a long time to live it down!

Looks like you've offended the professionally offended, OP.

The gate time is on your boarding card (and other similar comments)

If you're flying easyJet and print out your boarding cards yourself, then no, the gate info. isn't on the cards.

IME, at Gatwick there are no routine tannoy announcements about gate numbers etc. You will only hear announcements of the 'last call for passengers Smith and Jones travelling to X on flight no. Z' variety, which relate to people who've checked in luggage but not appeared at the gate. If you're travelling with hand luggage only, they won't make such calls. It's up to you to keep an eye on the departure boards.

Poor, OP That is awful.

We fly a lot without trouble. This summer we flew easy jet and were the last to board - and surprised. I am not sure why, but they seem to board and close boarding earlier than other airlines.

Our worst was the night in the airport hotel before the 6am flight, and the 2 year old developed a vomiting bug. We had to head back home. The excess on the travel insurance meant it wasn't really worth the trouble of claiming the flight difference.

Your husband is a twat and you sound quite unpleasant - maybe you make a good match

The ‘overweight blonde lady’ comment blew the whole story didn’t it?

There was no need to describe her in this derogatory way as it has no bearing on the story...it’s not relevant. It’s only purpose is to express your personal distaste for overweight people...who have every right to be in front of you in a queue and/or order a vegan meal. You were essentially saying, “And to add insult to injury I was held up further by a fat person.”
I know you have recognised this and apologised but still! If you’re ever hoping to make people laugh with your comedic style of writing, make sure your insults and observations relate to the story rather than letting them leak out as an irrelevant prejudice.

@tumtitum OMG you just reminded me that I also went to the wrong airport once as well!! I was in a cab too and didn't notice until I was being dropped off and looking at the ticket to see where the cabbie should drop me. That's when I had to ask him to drive me to the other airport!

This was LaGuardia vs. JFK and I was so used to flying out of one of them that I just went to it out of habit! Thankfully we made it in about 30 minutes but it was for a work trip to Europe and I was still able to board the flight with about 15 min to spare. 😂

Wow, I had totally blocked this out of my memory. Another time I was flying I had a layover and fell asleep. One of the people/characters in my dream started calling my name and telling me to get ready. That's when I woke up, saw the gate was empty and I had about 2 minutes to gather up my things and board the plane!

This like totally sounds like some English homework from a Yr 11. Literally, dude.

Your story is about as funny as a hill of maggots, too.

Good luck on your novel or whatever the fuck this was written for.

Gosh I hope not. The writing was self indulgent and hard to read.

If it’s for a novel, don’t give up the day job.