sholuld i allow my ex to our 12 week scan

[caroline1010]

Im 9 weeks pregant and ha e been apart from my ex this whole time we have 2 kids already that hehardly sees he lets them down all the time is nasty to me and makes me feel rubbish iv told him how i feel and he comes back with comments like cool go bore someone eles then hours later tries talking to me like nothings happened i give him chance after chance to step up and be a dad but never does its my fault as i let him get away with ot we broke up due to him cheating on me sevrel times he gave me an sti whilst pregent and i was such a mug i still stayed with him ot all gpt to much i fell pregent again and decided i did t want to be with him but have tried so hard to get him to be a dad im due my 12 week scan soon and dont want him there but i know ill feel bad after iv told him he wont be going if he carrys on but he dont care hes so used to me letting things go nothing i say bothers him as he always wins in the end what shall i do

Sorry to sound harsh but why on earth are you having another baby with him?!

Oh and obviously don't let him come to the scan if you don't want him there.

It’s not your responsibility to ‘get him to be a dad’. If it’s not in him then stuff the tosser and contact CPS.

I know im stupid having another child to him but i was in the head frame of this will be my last baby and ill do it right by myself as none of my pregs have been happy but now i am im still letting him contol things i hate him i really do i just dont know how o deal with him if i get on with my day he will start being nice then when i start to show imin a good mood he will start put me down ect i know iv only got myself to blame iv made all my choices but he can this hold over me that i cant exsplain i dont love him and i mean that i prob just need to get a grip and cut him off for good

As for any medical appointment, you should only bring along someone you trust as a supporter.

It doesn’t sound as if he comes close,

There is no way I would allow him anywhere near my scan. I wouldn't be telling him when it was, or that it was happening at all. I doubt he will even notice, unless you tell him.

I read the title and thought: There's no should about it - your choice.

Having read your post: No way!

Have your scan, enjoy your pregnancy and stop hoping he'll step up.

Just dont mention it to him. He has no right to know as this is your medical appointment for your pregnancy in your body. He has no rights to anything to do with the child until after it is born, so just dont tell him.

And stop being in contact with him. Text him that the only communication you will acknowledge from him is to do with him seeing the children and that you will no longer be chasing him to see them. That you will make them available for reasonable contact with at least a weeks notice, and that all contact must take place away from your home.

Then contact CSM to make him pay as I am guessing he isnt at the moment.

No. Don't tel him about it.
Block him.
Contact the CSA to get him to pay for all his dc.
Then do the Freedom Programme so you set the bar a bit higher for future relationships.

I don't know if it's a good idea to view a baby as just your property and that you should have the right to exclude him just because you two don't have a good relationship. I get why you are pissed off but i will say that excluding him from scans etc gives him absolute carte blanche (in the minds of many stupid people) to duck his responsibilities completely in the future and blame you for shutting him out.
I think that unfortunately to many kids an unreliable dad who is still there sometimes is better than one who is completely out of the picture. I say it from experience. Be the bigger and stronger person (and never fall back in with him- he sounds awful). Good luck.

The OPs scan are a medical procedure, they are not an entertainment. He has no need to be there (many fathers miss them through necessity and it doesnt stop them being good parents).

It doesnt sound like the OP is planning on banning him from the childs life, but simply doesnt want him attending a medical appointment he has no right to be at. What if she gets bad news? He doesnt sound like he is likely to be any support whatsoever, far better that she takes someone she trusts and can rely on to be there for her.

A scan is a medical appointment for the woman, not a joint appointment. If she wants her supportive partner there then that's fine. If she doesn't want an unsupportive nasty and unpleasant ex there then that's also fine. Any parent who uses that as an excuse to shirk responsibilities is going to do that anyway at some point. It is not fair to put the blame onto the OP if that were to occur. Any normal parent would do anything for their child, even if their ex didn't want them at the scans. At what point do these men have to take responsibility for their own actions and behaviour?!

caroline1010, I wouldn't mention the scan unless he asks. I agree with everything that PyongyangKipperbang has said about how to deal with him.