3 under 3 and hating it

[DaenerysismyQueen]

I've recently had twins who are now 4 months old. One is as chilled as anything the other, though adorable, has a tendency to scream.

On top of this I have 2 year old DS who is a nightmare. His behaviour is terrible and despite trying to improve things with time outs etc etc he remains a complete handful.

I get plenty of help from grandparents but I still feel so miserable a lot of the time. Please don't tell me I'm alone?! It does gets better?

Failing that does anybody fancy a with me in my pretend pub (I can't go to real ones as I have too many small children!)

It gets better.
I had three in two years and three months.. (oops)
The exhaustion and relentlessness of it is overwhelming, and frankly, pretty shit at times.... but it gets better!

The good bits... my no 2 and no 3 pretty much potty trained themselves as they copied no 1.
We did every bloody toddler group going in the mornings so that at least one of them would sleep in the afternoon.It helped.

Once they could all move independently it got easier...
The terrible twos pass... eventually, honest!

Mine followed each other to nursery then school. No 1 was a tricky, clever, annoying child who drove her teachers nuts, but the good thing was that teachers loved the next two just for not being her (she has ADHD and the attention span of a gnat)

When they got to their teens and big school, they were each other's allies. Yes they bickered at home but they were family, and stuck up for each other. The older they got the closer they became.

They are now 26,25,24 (and I had a 4th who is 21) fabulous adults (3 have left, two have returned..no 4 is autistic and will never leave). They are close, they are amazing fun to have around and the nutty eldest is now a doctor...(still adhd!)

This stage WILL pass, and you will survive it . (I am grey now with a wine habit...but I DID survive!!)

I have 3 DC, with 15 months between the youngest two who are now 2 and 3.

Eldest DS was no bother at all really. There's a 6 year age gap between him DD.
3 yr old DD was very hard work when she was younger. Never slept as a baby and as a toddler had regular off the chart meltdowns. She has become a lot calmer since she turned 3.
DS 2 is very placid in comparison and has had 1 tantrum in his whole life so far, and even that wasn't very impressive compared to his sister's efforts.

I remmeber times when we seemed to be awake all night between non-sleepong DD and new born DS2. Even once the sleeping improved there would be long phases where we would just be focusing on getting to the end of the day. I found doing something they enjoyed each day helped. We did a lot of cheap soft play sessions, or toddler groups. DD could run around and let off steam and I could focus on baby DS, or when they were both older it would tire them both out simultaneously and if I was really lucky they'd nap at the same time after. Bliss.

It gets so much easier. Trust me. I promise. I will join you for a virtual which is the only kind im allowed because I'm expecting number 4 in May!

I had 3 in 18 months (twins first) and then 4 under 4.
I liked having them all at the same stage. Now they are older they can all go to clubs together which is nice for them and means less mum's-taxi duties for me. Days out and holidays are better as they are all into the same things.

i had a 2 year old when i had my twins. It does get better, i promise.

I had good grandparental support which really helped - are your parents up to having the kids for an afternoon so you can get some downtime?
Hopefully the DC's dad can have them at the weekend so you can sleep/go out for a bit.

the first year is really really hard but it does get better.

and wine helps!

Another here who had a two year old and baby twins. It was pretty rough for months, but it does get better. I went through at least the first six months in an absolute daze. Ask for help, operate at a bare minimum for things like housework. My oldest watched far too much tv for a few months!

Hang in there, I'm sure you're doing a great job.

to add, my DC1 was also challenging after the DTs came along. one thing that helped a bit was making him feel i was on his side - if one of the twins needed me i would always say something like 'oh that cheeky baby is interupting our play time DC1! I would rather be playing with you but let me just go and sort them out and then we can get back to our game!' - it made DC1 feel i still wanted to be with him even when i couldnt rather than feeling that the babies were more important that him. I would also say things like 'no baby, I have to finish this with DC1 first' - usually when it was a very quick thing and baby had only just started grizzling a bit, so DC1 got 'picked first' as it were whenever i could.

i would also leave the DTs with DH and have 1 on 1 time with DC1 when i could.

Remember that as overwhelming as twins are for you, it is also a big change for your eldest.

I had the same set up as you with a 2 year old who was really jealous of the twins. It was hard.

I used to just get through each day and try to get out of the house. The first year was a complete blur.

I live hundreds of mile from family so ended up employing a mothers help for an hour each weekday morning just to help get them fed, dressed, push the hoover round, look after them while I had a shower, or anything else that needed doing - best money I ever spent and worth £10 a day to keep my sanity.

They are now 8 and 6 and life has been really lovely and easy for a long time, they’re all great friends (yes they squabble sometimes).

It was so worth it for what we have now.

Hang on in there

May I advise you to be very careful with contraception and not get pregnant accidentally with a 4th under 5 like I did😅 But honestly, a difficult baby (my 3rd in our case) brings the whole house down to its knees. You will get into the swing of it and it will get a LOT easier in 3 yrs time and a bit easier in 6 months time. Don’t dispair, 3 yrs flies by shockingly fast when you’re living Groundhog Day and dealing with small kids.

Hang in there. It’s not fun in the slightest for periods of time but these people you’ve created are pretty special and will slowly but surely start cooperating with family life.

Thank you so much for the replies. My phone broke (the work of my DS!) so have only just got MN up and running again.

Had a rubbish day yesterday, felt like I was failing. Shouted at everyone and felt like an awful mother.

Thank you for your tips and reassurance! Playgroups are a pain at the moment as DS is going through a hitting phase. I've tried to make an effort so that he has some 1 on 1 with me but its very hard, even with help. I shoud also try to ignore the twins for a little longer sometimes and put DS first, but its hard with all the screaming!

I think thats what I find hard the hardest the constant crying...

I'm so glad it gets better in time. My DS is actually ok with twins and is showing more interest now they're smiling. There is hope yet.