‘Makes you look like a saint’

[CantankerousCamel]

Do people take this as an insult?

For background, my husband and I had a bit of a tiff last week because he was slacking a bit round the house. No dramas we dealt with it and whatever.

Yesterday I went I a clients house and her husband was absolutely useless, like not even capable of entertaining their 2 year old for half an hour so she could get a much needed massage, wasn’t adding anything to the home etc. She’s recently separated and I exactly see why. He lives in a different country so has to stay there when he comes... anyway, not the point.

I said to Dh ‘that man made you look like a saint’ and he claims this is an insult, that I was calling him useless but not as useless as the other guy (lighthearted it’s nothing that wasn’t sorted quickly) but I wondered if this is universal.

For me, I didn’t see it as an insult to Dh, just acknowledgement that he does chip in and this guy did next to nothing. He saw it as a dig

What do You think?

I’d consider it a minor insult

Thanks.

Okay, well guess he was right then.

Good to know

hi op,
i have to say i would probably take offence to that in that sense i would take it as the person was implying i was a lazy cow but not as bad as that person, however, i think that would be my own insecurity in i know i could probably do more but choose not to! maybe that is why your hubby took offence, deep down he knows he could and should do more to help you so it probably touched a nerve

So you essentially said 'this guy is really bloody awful as a parent and husband, so awful he makes you look like the best parent/husband ever'

Whereas in his head he is the best already, and you implied he was only brilliant when compared to this guy.

Not the worst insult ever, but definitely implies he has a way to go to become a better parent.

Yes, it's an insult. It's like saying 'and I thought you were useless... check out this guy'. You're still saying he's useless, just not as useless as this guy.

Yes, it's a mild insult. 'He's so bad he makes you look good'.

What did you hope to convey?

Well that IS I what I was saying. I mean we’d Just had a major barny regarding his physical and emotional input into the house (where I received lots of ‘helpful advice’ regarding post it’s and writing him lists). But no ones perfect. I mean (though I’d never say this) to me it’s like saying ‘that person was so unintelligent it made you look like Einstein’

I don’t see that as an insult either but I Suppose it is

Hmm....back handed compliment at best (and if it makes you feel better) verging on insult - flip it around - would you be happy if he said the same to you? Therein lies your answer.

I suppose I would take it as a comment about the other person rather than about myself?

But I’m honestly just trying to establish other people’s feelings (which I think I have really)

It's an insult. It's damning with faint praise.

Yes it’s an insult but the truth can hurt! Say that to him.

Yes it's an insult but I can see why you said it.

‘that person was so unintelligent it made you look like Einstein’

You are not saying "you are nearly at the top", you are saying "you are only one step up from the absolute bottom". How is that not an insult?

Its damming him with feint praise.

Yup,it is insulting because for it to work the person receiving it needs to be considered bad at the thing. To use your Einstein example. If you said that comment to a person know to be very bright it wouldn't work.

The premise of a comment like that is there is shock that someone could be so terrible they made someone bad actually look good.

Yes it's an insult. Did you say it without knowing what it really meant? Just tell him you thought it was a compliment and have now come to realise how silly you were.

Its a bit of a back handed compliment. Its like saying you're the best of the bad bunch.

Yes, a minor insult. Or faint praise. It sounds like that’s the way you intended it anyway, so why he surprised that he took it as such?

bus

We had this convo last night. Obviously as soon as he expressed that he found it insulting I explained myself and we were fine. Being reasonable people and all.

Just honestly wanted other views.

Einstein isn’t ‘just off the bottom’ though, he’s the most clever

That’s what I don’t get really but I take on board what everyone says