Umm... can you cheer me up about schools?

[badger2005]

Mumsnetters I know I'm being pathetic, but could you just make me feel better?

ds is in our local boys (hard to get into) grammar school. the results for dd (two years younger) have just come through, and though she passed I am pretty much certain she won't get into the girls' local (hard to get into) grammar school. There are other good schools nearby. But will dd mind? Does it matter if one got in and one didn't?

I have no personal experience of this so don't really have much of an insight. But have you asked your daughter how she feels? Can you chat with your son first to ensure no boasting that he is better etc?

Thank you user1471459936 for replying!

My daughter is at her school residential week till Friday (great excitement for her). The timing is good in that way - am guessing she will be pretty focused on getting back from the trip, and hopefully not too bothered about the result. Plus then there is no comparing of notes at school till after half term, by which point hopefully everyone will have lost interest.
Luckily my son is not the boasting type really.
I guess my worry is about my dd's self esteem. What can I do to make sure that she doesn't feel less clever (she really isn't!). And I'd like to give her the same opportunities if I could. Not quite sure what opportunities she would miss out on by not going to the grammar, but just feeling a bit guilty and worried about it all (normal state for a mother perhaps!).

Oh to clarify, so we got the results today, and my daughter won't find out till she gets home on Friday (or whenever we tell her). How is the best way to tell her? I am thinking of telling her that she passed the test, and we can put the school on the form (all true), but that chances are not great because lots of people applied there (true - just avoiding a focus on the marks and rankings!)

I suppose manage expectations, but let her apply. Then think of how how to make it a positive. So the alternative schools and then on to a great college? Explain that sometimes exams don't go as well as we are capable of etc.

Why do you think she won't get in, is it because of the ranking - is that the order of the admissions?

Where I am the grammars are super-selective so if you pass they will usually say where you are on their admission list. As there is more than one grammar, you often find that you have a different position on different lists!

Thank you so much user and sassitude.

I think she won't get in because her score though above the pass mark is pretty close to it, and many more children pass than get in. Of course I can't be sure, and we can put it down, but if things are pretty much how they were last year then she won't get a place. There is just one grammar in our area, and yes I think it is what is called a 'super-selective' (never quite sure what that means).

And yes thanks for the idea of thinking of the positives. I am wondering whether it is possible that it will turn out to be a good thing really. There are other good state schools nearby. Part of the problem is that we have not managed to settle on a choice of school yet, and now we really have to do this. So hard to know which to choose and dd hasn't got a strong view on it...