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Original poster

Feeling lost. Wave of light.

11 replies

Hedgehog80 · 15/10/2018 20:16

I can’t go on fb. It’s too painful, lots of pictures etc 😔
I wanted to light a candle but I feel like I shouldn’t because of my circumstances

18 years ago I was forced to have a termination in second trimester. I e posted before about it. It was traumatising.
I wanted to do the wave of light but then I felt like I didn’t deserve to as others lost their babies through no fault of their own. I’ve had mc too but my first was much further along. But I don’t know if I should I just don’t want to when maybe I shouldn’t even if nobody else was aware ?

I’m not making much sense. Sorry
😢

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 15/10/2018 20:18

If lighting a candle will be meaningful for you, you should do it. Nobody will judge you. Being forced to have a termination is awful and nobody should have to go through that.

Sorry for your losses. Flowers

Original poster
Hedgehog80 · 15/10/2018 20:22

I was 18 and it completely traumatised me. It hard at times like this as to me it feels very much like a ‘true’ loss but like I was reminded and laughed at after it was me that signed the form. I never dealt with it
I feel almost like I need ‘permission’ to grieve for a loss. From strangers on the internet all these years later.....half my life ago 😔

OP posts:
mineofuselessinformation · 15/10/2018 20:25

I lit a candle, OP, not just for myself but also for others. You can include yourself in that.
Go ahead and light one if you want to - it might be the start of healing. Thanks

Mokepon · 15/10/2018 20:27

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
This is about you and how you feel about that loss.
You signed a form, so what? Does that mean you are not entitled to grieve? Of course not. Do what makes you feel better and be kind to yourself. Think of how you would advise someone like you were then, I'll bet you would be much kinder than you are to yourself.
xx

sparklyfee · 15/10/2018 20:31

Light your candle 

sparklyfee · 15/10/2018 20:32

Sorry, posted too fast. Of course you deserve to xx

Loyaultemelie · 15/10/2018 20:33

Light your candle op you deserve it as much as we all do 🕯

FruitCider · 15/10/2018 20:34

Of course you can light your candle! I've lost my lighter so can't light mine 😭

Peach1886 · 15/10/2018 20:34

Light your candle lovely, loss is loss, however it happened Sad

Original poster
Hedgehog80 · 15/10/2018 20:41

Thankyou. I think this year is just harder for some reason
I keep thinking how I’ve lived with this pain for half my life and that really really plays on my mind especially now my eldest dd is nearly 17 I can’t imagine her going through the same in just over a year I was so young

OP posts:
sourpatchkid · 15/10/2018 20:43

Light your candle. I know someone forced into an abortion as a teenager. I've never known anyone so shattered by a loss. You have every right to grieve and remember.
Thinking of you both Thanks

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