Childs trauma on divorce.

[Nickold]

Usual problems with daughter's divorce (husband left and now has other woman) but eldest son (6) is piling pressure on her with "I hate you" and unreasonable behaviour at home, school and childminders. Daughter having to take time off work to cope and I'm helping as much as I can but mother died some years ago. I am frightened my help is inadequate or even wrong and I'm frightened for her mental health given the constant pounding she is having. She is trying for counselling to help her but does anyone know of any way I can get advice or counselling to help me be sure my approach is helping rather than making things worse?

The simple caveat all feelings allowed, all behaviours are not might be helpful to keep in mind. The child is hurting desperately and needs an outlet (play therapy or peer support group for separation if his school offer one could be a great help).

I wouldn't punish shouting/crying, even slamming doors for now as I just think you're on a hiding to nothing as he's probably brimming over with rage and is not able to deal with it. There are books and websites that would be suitable and helpful too. Allowing him to say what he needs to, eg I wouldn't be cross re I hate you etc, he needs to feel heard and hopefully he'll come round.

www.janetlansbury.com/2016/06/when-parents-separate/ This might be helpful. She has a few articles on it.