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Leaving DS with grandparents: any thoughts?

11 replies

Solasum · 15/10/2018 14:46

My DS is 4yo, and completely exhausted after his first half term in reception. He has been noticeably more clingy to me in recent weeks, though skips into school perfectly happily. He is now on halfterm.

His grandparents (ex’s parents) are over from overseas to look after him for 3 days. One of them speaks no English at all, the other speaks a tiny bit. DS has been exposed to their language from birth, and uses a few words, but it isn’t clear how much he understands. On their last visit they estimated 80%. I think it is less than this, maybe 50%.

Twice over the last few days he has become completely hysterical when being left with them, to the point he has made himself sick. It is very upsetting for everyone involved, and makes his dad extremely angry.

DS has contact with them about once a week on Skype,and has always done so. He has spent time alone with them in the past with no issues. If I am there too he will happily play with them.

Does anyone have any advice to make this easier for him? I have to go to work,and cannot stay with him much as I wish I could. He understands this, but has said he could come with me and sit quietly all day and play and would rather do this than stay home. It isn’t possible sadly. His GPs give him lots of treats he isn’t usually allowed so bribery doesn’t seem to work.

I am dreading a repeat performance tomorrow morning.

OP posts:
Solasum · 15/10/2018 15:24

No one?

OP posts:
user1471459936 · 15/10/2018 15:53

To be blunt: if he is getting upset to the point he I being sick you cannot leave him with them. Find alternative childcare.

olympicsrock · 15/10/2018 15:57

It may be fine. My 6 year old son got completely hysterical and anxious about going to stay with Grandmother with a dog. We approached it gently with great trepidation but it was fine. After a day he realised that he loved the dog. Sometimes children build up anxiety about things but are fine in reality .

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pinkhorse · 15/10/2018 16:07

I wouldn't want to spend a day with 2 people I didn't understand and who hardly understood me so I can understand why a child wouldn't either. I think it's very unfair on him to make him stay with them.

Pissedoffdotcom · 15/10/2018 16:10

I'm usually pretty laid back with this sort of thing but sorry, no way in hell. Your son barely understands them & gets hysterical to the point of being sick?? Why would you do that to a 4 year old

Pissedoffdotcom · 15/10/2018 16:12

What arrangements will you have for other school holidays? Unless they are coming over for every holiday i assume you will need to cover those...might be wise to do that from now!

Hotpinkangel19 · 15/10/2018 16:13

This is awful - no way would I put my child through this. You need other childcare.

Solasum · 15/10/2018 16:20

I will definitely be finding something different for all holidays in future. I had NO idea he would react in this way.

OP posts:
Pissedoffdotcom · 15/10/2018 16:21

The thing is speaking to someone over FT is completely different to spending actual time with them. Your lad has a safety net in the fact it isn't 'real' contact.

The language thing alone would have done me tho

user1471459936 · 15/10/2018 16:22

If he absolutely must be with them can you arrange for them to take him to meet a school friend at soft play or the park?

Solasum · 15/10/2018 16:48

Trying to sort that now user

OP posts:
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