to wonder what it feels like to have a popular child...

[Rory786]

Just that really... I wonder if some parents feel embarrassed that their child is popular and everyone is fighting over them....or proud that their child is so loved?

As long as my child has a few wee friends that are nice and enjoy their company, I’m happy.
My kids 100% know they are loved.
I think this is a bit of an odd thing to think, OP, can you elaborate on why you are thinking about this?

Neither. My dd is ‘popular’ from the outside but tbh she’s just fairly laid back and will play with everyone. She’s more interested in what they’re playing rather than who they are especially so she ends up with lots of friendship groups. Of course things might change as she gets older.

She’s the youngest in our family and due to my job, used to playing with a variety of personalities and aged/ sex children.

My kids are pretty popular. I think you should be proud if you have raised kids who are nice to be around.

I always worry about my kids but try really hard to not let that worry come across to them if that makes sense.

Sometimes my 6 year old will say that no one wants to play with her and then she went off to school and I felt so sad. Then my mind started thinking it must be so different to be the child who everyone wants to play with....

I wish I knew. DD (18) has never been popular. She has a few friends, but leads quite a solitary life. I feel sad for her as she is an only and we have no family within hundreds of miles.

I have one DD who has their little group of friends but she's a sensitive soul so I do worry about 'friendship group' angst.

My second DD is very popular - she is so confident she's fine playing by herself but inevitably has a crowd of followers trailing her like the pied piper! I have no worries about her at all which is nice but I do work on making sure she doesn't take it for granted and is kind to everyone.

My DS is popular in that lots of kids like him - although he's not 'cool'.. He's started a few clubs at school, has friends in all year groups, gets invited to all sorts of parties.. I often have children that I don't know call out 'Hi, Mrs DS's Mum' to me!

I think, like a PP, he's pretty laid back, he likes talking to people and he's not shy about going up to other kids and asking to join in, he'll also see kids on the margins of groups and ask if they want to play too - I think that earns him some loyalty and a reputation as a 'nice boy'.. He's happy to hang out with younger and older kids and he really doesn't tolerate nastiness..

He's been buddied up with children with behavioural problems and has been 'successful' in bringing them into the class fold..

I'm proud of him because his popularity is a result of him being a kind, empathetic child - not because he's particularly cool or sporty or academic ..

His youngest brother is the opposite - he absolutely will not ask anyone to play and waits for them to approach him.. which they often don't! He spends lunchtimes writing stories, drawing or reading..

Please go and talk to the school about your DD and friendships.

From reception onwards my DD was in a tight friendship group with two other girls, she spent all her time with them and didn’t seem to have other friends. Then in y4 both those girls left the school within six months of one another, DD was devastated and without any friends. I spoke to the school and they were fantastic, they actively helped her build new friendships. She’s now in y6, I don’t know if I would use the word popular to describe her, but she has a nice group of friends and that’s enough.

Does she generally have friends? Is she invited to parties or play dates occasionally?
My eldest has aspergers and is the sweetest pet, would give you the shirt off his back. He did have friends but found junior school tough. He much prefers secondary school.
I’ve also known super popular kids that had issues over the years too. No ones life is easy all the time.
Just focus on helping your dd to be a good friend and encourage play dates etc. I find having some friends outside school is helpful too.

I have also encouraged being friends with everyone as opposed to having a ‘best friend’ too.

Sometimes my 6 year old will say that no one wants to play with her and then she went off to school and I felt so sad. Then my mind started thinking it must be so different to be the child who everyone wants to play with....

Aw that's sad but in my experience they all say that. Ask them what they did at school "nothing" ask them who they played with "no one" and then you speak to the teacher and find out they're inseparable from their 3 friends.

Do you encourage friendships by inviting her friends to play after school?

My son is considered popular, he's sporty, is very handsome (obviously I'm going to say that but so many people say this about him) he has made decisions that have made him stand out which makes me feel very proud in a way. Other mums say he's so nice, popular, friendly and knows his own mind. This is what people see on the outside.
What people don't see is he has crippling social anxiety, has adhd, many sensory issues and we are awaiting an autism assessment. He can't go into shops, doesn't sleep, is on medication for bed wetting, out of school he's either with me or his dad, he won't go with any family members, has major meltdowns. He is also very funny, loving, caring, he has me in stitches everyday.
He is amazing to me, I couldn't love him any more than I do.
This is longer than I expected, just wanted to say the 'popular' kids aren't always what they seem on the outside, on the inside can be very different.

Thank you everyone for your thoughts, she had a birthday party recently and everyone from her class came and the year above too, so quite a decent amount of kids. That gave me some comfort.

She is a funny old thing. Shy, very reluctant to try new things. She likes being at home with me and her younger sisters but I have to actively encourage her to take part in clubs etc. If she had her way she wouldn't go to school!
We do playdates very regularly, I genuinely like the other mums and are good friends with the school mums.
I spoke to the school last week and they said they will keep an eye out for her. She is in yr 1.
Her younger sister is super confident and friendly, such a contrast.

The popular ones aren't always the nicest. There was a boy in DS's class that was one of the bright ones, amazing at sports, had a band of followers but he is a massive bragged and pretty sneery and a very sore loser. Even those who were his friends weren't huge fans of his. Plus the popular ones when I was at school were the bitchy twats who I wouldn't have even wanted to be friends with.

I think my DCs seem well liked but I'm not sure they are popular.

Ds has asd but his classmates all seem to like him. All I feel is relief. According to their teacher they are a very inclusive bunch of 6yos and I cant express what that means to me.

DS1 wasn't popular at primary school; it took him til he hit high school to really find his tribe. Now he's there, he's popular and well-liked by pretty much everyone, but at primary he rarely went on playdates or to parties, he just wasn't in the 'in crowd'.

DS2 is much more popular - DH calls him Mr Party because every week a party invite arrives from someone or other. I think it's genuinely just their differences in temperament; DS1 knows exactly who he likes and what he enjoys. He's quite one-track-minded and absolutely not a people pleaser. DS2 is the polar opposite and wants to play with everyone, gets on with everyone and wants to please everyone. Both are lovely, DS2 just seems to 'fit' in every friendship group he goes near.

So long as DS2 is kind, I'm alright with it. I don't like popular kids who get that way through manipulation or unkindness; that's where I'd draw the line.

My dd’s have always been popular despite being quite reserved people. For whatever reason, children seem to flock to them. They’re naturally ‘cool’ I think and don’t give a fuck what others think which helps.

My DS also doesn’t give a fuck what people think but he is nerdy and not at all popular. He has one or two friends at any given time but that’s it. He’s happy playing alone if needs be and doesn’t care for popularity. I respect that about him actually, he’s happy for now just being himself.

It's a bit of an odd OP.
I'm proud of my dc because of who they are. Not sure how you quantify 'popular'.
It did take me quite a few years to understand that people have different ways of 'doing friendship'.
I have one dc that, on the surface would appear to "be popular" - in that he is very confident, and is also quite thick skinned, and doesn't worry about what people think. He just assumes the whole world is nice and everyone wants to be friends with everyone. He 'gets on with people' very easily, yet it worried me for some years when he started school that he seemed to 'move round' friends, and never really have a 'best friend'. Next dc, OTOH, had the same solid group of 6 friends from Reception through to Yr6. I don't consider one to be 'more popular' than the other They just have different personalities. dc3 has a different experience with friendships altogether, but I don't in any way relate this to how 'proud' I am of of them.

To me, being 'proud' doesn't seem in any way to be connected to 'how many friends they seem to have.

My ds is definitely one of the popular kids. Lots of friends...on the football team blah blah. On the one hand, it's a good thing. It's one less thing for me to worry about as I know he is happy and has friends. On the other hand, I spend a lot of time trying to make sure he is kind and empathetic to the kids who are not like him. I do get a little concerned that he is a bit too sure of himself iykwim.

They have their own issues. I was popular, but also bullied horribly online because of it for years, had eating issues and was quite depressed inside as a teen.

Not from the outside though....

My eldest son of 9 is popular and sociable and just generally gets on with everyone. He is also into sport which I think helps a lot.

My middle son is the complete opposite and struggles socially a little, however I admire middle son because he sticks to his guns, doesn't do things to people please and is very independent!

I would not worry about your child, most children find their own little group to hang round with, my 5 year old often tells me she plays with no one however the teacher tells me she has lots of children she plays with so I think sometimes she says these things. Also out of school clubs can be a great way to make good friends - although the children love their school friends the friends they have out of school through clubs and my friends children are the ones we see the most and spend lots of time with in holidays and after school etc.

I have also tried to do some nice parties for middle son, lots of play dates at ours etc.

My ds surprises me as he is so popular. He makes little effort, is completely laid back and treats everyone exactly the same. When he was young he just played with whoever was there. And as someone already said he was used by teachers to keep the dc with issues calmed down as he didnt engage with the carry on and his peacefulness calmed them. He has his own mind and is astute in sussing people out. But if you met him you would not immediately thing he is one of the popular guys but he has loads of friends and they are always seeking him out.

Do you mean popular as in lots of real friends , or popular as in cool, with lots of "friends" who are also cool but who would cut the rest dead if someone cooler comes on the scene?

Dd1 is 14 and has a small group of lovely friends, we affectionately call them the Geek Squad. They don't get invited to the "gaffs" (parties), but it doesn't seem to bother them as I think they are a little immature (in a good way!) They do their own thing and enjoy their time together. Dds ambition is to be school dux.

Dd2 is 13 and in with a much cooler set. Her friends are obsessed with boys and make-up, seem desperately insecure and are always falling out and trying to get in with people cooler than them. Dd2 isn't truly happy, but feels a bit stuck. She is under pressure from her friends to bunk off school (she doesnt, as she knows I would find out and go mad). She is much more concerned about her image than dd1.

I worry far more about Dd2. "Popularity" isn't always a great thing

Thank you everyone for your replies.
I worry about my dd. She is my eldest daughter and she is a worrier and doesn't want to join in anything. Im torn between nurturing and pushing.

Rory how does your dd feel? Does she wish she had more friends or is she happy as she is? What age is she?

Both my girls have had tough patches at school with friends. Both did activities outside school which helped. Is that something your dd might be interested in?