12 year old frequently ruining the weekends with stroppy behaviour.

[losenotloose]

I'm sick of it. Nearly every weekend he'll ruin the atmosphere with his mood. He only wants to play on the computer. Or look on YouTube. I've recently really relaxed the rules around technology as the arguments were affecting the whole family. However, I'm not just going to leave him playing fortnite indefinitely. It was a beautiful day yesterday and he played for 5 hours (with a break inbetween). Today he played for 3 hours, then watched ds2 play for an hour. He'll spend an hour or two moping around then expect to go on again. It's too much! He's claiming that today it's because the weather's bad but yesterday it was lovely and he still didn't want to go out!

The gist is he can't handle not getting his own way. And he's relentless. And before anyone says go cold turkey, been there done that. He's hard, hard work. I'm not expecting any answers, just need to get it off my chest.

Ps he has no interests at home. He does table tennis during the week and the gym. He could go to the gym at the weekend but he'd rather spend his time complaining about being bored. Unless he's on technology.

What did you want to do with the beautiful day?

I’m inclined at that age to let them spend their downtime the way they want. Maybe curb the Xbox time but I wouldn’t try and force them into something they’re not arsed about. Because they ruin it

Have you tried turning the internet off? Not forever, but for certain time periods.

Maybe get him a Raspberry pi for Christmas and try and channel his computer interest in something more constructive. Ie. Coding.

I've heard such horrible things about Fortnite and what it does to children.

Could you say that as long as he goes to the gym on each weekend day and does a chore, that he can do whatever he likes, then?

Does he have any friends? If so, what are they doing at the weekend?

Anything he wanted to do! Park, swimming. Curb the Xbox time and do what? If I left him to his own devices he'd be on a screen permanently and I just don't think it's ok. Personally I think 5 hours is a pretty long time as it is.

I think you are right he needs other things but I wouldn’t push the beautiful day thing so much.

Some people don’t like the heat

He's got a raspberry pi and shows no interest in coding. He went to a coding club for a few weeks then gave it up.

Unfortunately most of his friends seem to spend all their time at home. He sees a friend occasionally at the weekend, and they mostly spend their time GAMING! I don't think he's being overly limited, I just feel he's bloody spoilt. He was making a fuss today because we wouldn't get him an air rifle! Acting as if we were being totally unreasonable. And when he starts on something he doesn't stop until you really lose it with him.

Re switching the internet off he does stop playing when we say, but it's not long til it's back to can I look at YouTube/go on pubg etc.

Yes but today he's saying look at the weather, that's why I want to go on the computer. What about yesterday, when it was dry and sunny?!

As a thought. He goes to school all day. He is out learning. Playing with his friends for five days a week. He learns. Plays. Talks. And is out in the fresh air five days a week.
So if he wants to play on the computer for his downtime at the weekend I would let him.

Maybe get him to join something. My son has gone to scouts and has just moved up to the next level. He goes out camping climbing air rifle shooting. He has a scout evening every week.

I had words with my son age 12 about his moods. I was very calm and chose a good moment to say that he was affecting everyone around him with his black moods, and that it wouldn't be accepted any more. That we don't always get to do what we want and he was old enough to not strop about it. That of course we let him have his own way sometimes but sometimes he would have to do family things that he wasn't keen on, and I expected him to do them with good grace even if it wasn't his first choice. That we spend family time together because we like him and want to be with him, that we care about him.

I give him a rough idea of what is happening, I don't worry about a couple of hours on the consoles etc but he was affecting the whole family with his moods and it was awful. Much much better now.

My son is 13, he has no Xbox time during the week. He does football training twice a week and normally a game on a Saturday morning. He has a Friday night and a Saturday on the Xbox. Maybe a little while on a Sunday, he was getting moody and that’s why we cut it completely during the week and it has helped. All his friends seem to be on all the time so it’s hard to say no when it’s what all his friends are doing 😕

I wouldn’t let him for that length of time. Can you not go out as a family for the afternoons? Make him cook supper too, maybe.

We banned fortnite and youtube about 6 weeks ago. Not allowed tv on at all in bedroom through week. DS is expected to read, play, go out and play football, do homework. He's more than welcome to help cook or he can watch tv in the living room if there's literally nothing else. We invested in some Lego and a fishing rod. He now plays with that and has all of a sudden taken to fishing (it's taken a good month of every weekend tantrums when we went) it wasn't forced as such but we needed something he could get involved with that was away from the temptation. He also joined a local football club. Friends parents are also aware of the ban on YouTube and fortnite and respect it. It's hard but cold turkey was the only way. Expect at least 4-6 weeks of complete stroppiness but my DB ended up on the sick and now on anti anxiety mediation. Due to continued use of fortnite

Oh yes and also about to take up Air rifle shooting!