I’m so boring. And bored. And fed up

[Boreted]

No two ways about it, I’m boring :(. Please don’t castigate me - I know it. I’m not especially interested in anything, have no hobbies, not very clever. I am a nice person and people seem to like me but I just feel I have no depth.

I’m lonely but frightened to put myself out there because I have nothing to offer once you get past the “nice person” stuff. Can I change this in any way? Feeling increasingly sad and alone :(

Choirs can be quite sociable and a lot of fun. Gardening? A walking club is a fairly gentle way to meet new people. Or try the Unitarians if you are not put off by the slight religiousness of it - they are a very lovely bunch. Maybe try a few things out and see if something ‘takes’. I totally get the book club thing. I am an avid reader and hated the prescriptiveness of it.

Frederica is everything!

Given you're interest in reading, what about finding a writing course?

Boreted you don't have to be good at anything. Most of the classes I've been to have been like lectures - you sit and someone tells you stuff you don't know. Sometimes it's interesting, sometimes its controversial, sometimes people ask questions or start up a debate. Then you get tea & biscuits! :)
As you like Georgette Heyer what about either something to do with literature more generally, or something covering the period of history she wrote about? Or the fashion of the times? So, something you've a little interest in/knowledge of...

Or just take a day out and go to an art gallery or museum? No need to have to make small-talk with people, no pressure to spend any length of time looking at stuff you're not interested in, and you can always explore the area the gallery/museum is in on foot.

Yoga, or pilates? Low-level stuff can be relaxing, good for making you a bit more flexible, and good for mindfulness too.

*Havalina” I’m so sorry - just realised I’ve been calling you the wrong thing .

Quarter I do have a degree but from way back when - I’m nearly 54 now. I do like the idea of further education but, and I promise I’m not just saying it, I seem to have no capacity to learn/retain/interpret any more.

Well, you say that ...

You’re out of practice, is all.

Indulge me - what subject would you pick? (Nothing reasonable or ‘gentle’ allowed!)

And don’t for a moment imagine I’m suggesting this randomly. I’m not.

Hmm. History maybe? Tudor period. Or archaeology for beginners? Egyptology?

Okay ...

History undergrad? Or? Any experience? Could you investigate possible places to begin/refresh your experience?

You don’t sound boring at all!
You have an interest in literature and sport and an engaging writing style.

If you are potentially interested in further study but aren’t sure what course to do or want to build up your learning skills again, you could try a short free online course. The OU run some
www.open.edu/openlearn/free-courses but there are lots of others - listed as MOOCs (Massive Open Online Courses www.mooc-list.com/

Some of the courses also have online forums where you can chat with other people studying with you.

Slight hijack, some of those courses look great! I’m going to try a Spanish course! Thank you, OP hope you find something to interest you.

Another little suggestion - have a look at Meetup.com. It’s a website (there’s also an app) where you can find groups for almost any subject or activity you can possibly think of, near to you. Hiking, yoga, book groups, conversation clubs, music concerts, general socialising, language practice, dining clubs; I think I even saw one for people who want to learn how to whistle properly once!! Seriously, pretty much anything you can think of will be on there, depending on your geographical location. They’re set up and run by other people with those interests or particular skills to share. Almost all of them are free. It’s a great way of trying different activities to see what interests you, or join some regular groups and make some great friendships.

You sound perfectly normal to me - looking after children, following a sport, volunteering and reading the most excellent Georgette Heyer. Thank you for the recommendation of D A Ponsonby.

I agree - why not gradually get back into academic study by taking an evening class, and then another one the next term. The first one will be where you flex your learning muscles, the second one will be where you get going.

Are you working? You mentioned voluntary work but not a paid job. Is there anything you could envisage doing part time which would get you out doing stuff, and help you improve your finances?

OP I feel like you. I get anxious about having to talk to friends/people in general because I feel I have nothing to say. Conversation is awkward and there are a lot of silences, I don't have any real interests and outside of parenting, I have very little going on.
However, I have taken up an Open University degree, and whilst I don't talk about it to real life friends, I enjoy discussions with other students through forums, Facebook groups etc. I feel like I have some sort of purpose and a little less boring inside my OU bubble.

You might be interested in a local history group. The library would have information.

I give the idea of a book club another go too. It's sometimes good to read something quite different to your normal choice and if you hate it that's a good starting point for a discussion. The group I go to isn't terribly high brow and we often end up talking have about something different anyway.

Please be kind to yourself. It sounds like you've had a really tough time for.a long time and it's taken it out of you. It's not a surprise that you feel lost and flat.

Have you got friends through your voluntary work who you could meet up with or you could get to know better? Or the idea of going back to.education sounds great too - meet new people, New ideas etc.

Please cut yourself some slack. You've clearly has a really tough time of it and caring for a poorly DH and 4DC must have been all-consuming. In circumstances like that, hobbies and TV can be classified as petty distractions and it’s difficult to transition back to wanting or enjoying them. It doesn’t mean that you are boring or thick, just that you had other priorities for a long time.

I’d recommend trying lots of different things once, just to see if you like them. You may surprise yourself. I’ve found the things I enjoy the most are the ones I was most reluctant to try.

Just wanted to come back and thank you all for the nice posts and further suggestions. I’m definitely going to look into an online course.

Re working - I’m not but I’d like to be. But my cv is pretty dire as I was a sahm, and latterly my Dh’s carer. I’ve been looking around recently and omg it’s frightening! I don’t even understand what half the job titles are, never mind the descriptions themselves! But I’ve only just begun to look so this is something I will persevere with. Have to get over the lack of confidence too.

Anyway - thank you again. I was feeling especially sad last night - today not so much after the kind posts/ideas :)

I think an online course would be great for you, good to have something to get your teeth into and working towards submission deadlines will help your motivation.
Your friend sounds absolutely amazing but these people are very rare! Don’t be so hard on yourself setting your expectations so high, what your friend has achieved and the life she is living would probably be impossible for 98% of people!

Have you considered U3A? (Aka University of the 3rd Age). It's not a university, it's a group for people who are not working, and there's a branch almost everywhere. Our local one has 43 different interest groups - painting, local history, ukelele, French conversation. You pay £10 to join and then pop along to anything you think might be interesting. I only belong to one group but my friend (childless) belongs to 11. Google it?

You have so much ahead of you to look forward to now. For me, going back to work after a long time out was absolutely fantastic. I felt so full of purpose! And although it was a minimum wage job it eventually led to mehaving a great career. I’m gearing down now to part time but would be so loathe to stop working completely. This is a nice balance for my lifestyle.

Good luck and keep looking for the right thing.

Glad you feel better. Good luck trying out a few new things!