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Original poster

Someone I used to know, homeless and askinf for money

26 replies

MishMashMosher · 12/10/2018 16:40

When I was about 18/19 there was a girl I kind of knew, went out with a few times, wouldn't class her a proper friend but she was nice enough.

Anyway, haven't spoken or seen her in about 8 years and randomly get a message from her saying her boyfriend had kicked her out. She's homeless, doesn't have family and had been asking for donations from people for a hostel which is £10 a night.

I'm guessing she is desperate to be asking me after all this time but I realise how lucky I am to never worry about where I'm going to sleep and we've always got food in the fridge. I said I'd transfer £10 to her for one night in the hostel and now she's asking if I'd be able to pay for a second night too.

I feel so bad but I'm going to say no. If this was one of my friends then I would be doing everything I could to help but I barely know this girl.

What would you do?

OP posts:
gamerchick · 12/10/2018 16:42

I would find out if it was really her for starters. This is a common scam through SM especially.

No I wouldn't pay for a second night. Hostels cost more than a tenner I think.

Parky04 · 12/10/2018 16:42

It may or may not be true but If I can I like to help people. I would give her £20 but no more.

WerewolfNumber1 · 12/10/2018 16:43

Can you ring her and check it’s avtually her?

This is a common scam.

Surfinbird · 12/10/2018 16:43

The same, you can offer one night - but after that it’s not your problem - you aren’t a cash point for the desperate.

You could always pass a link to woman’s aid or something like that too? X

gamerchick · 12/10/2018 16:43

You could ask her for the hostels details and pay direct maybe. You'll find out if she's legit or not.

tectonicplates · 12/10/2018 16:43

I said I'd transfer £10 to her for one night in the hostel and now she's asking if I'd be able to pay for a second night too.

I'm probably going to get flamed for this, but life experience has taught me that when you help someone, they will ask you for the same help again and again.

Put your foot down and say no, otherwise this will go on for a very long time.

Original poster
MishMashMosher · 12/10/2018 16:50

I'm glad you don't all think I'm horrible.

I've transfered her £10. She said she would pay me back Monday but I'm not expecting it back. I don't mind helping someone out.

Im pretty sure her story is real as I saw last week that she had posted in a housing group on facebook about being kicked out.

I moved away from my home town so can't even give any practical help.

I get paid in cash (I'm on the books, all legal, my boss is just lazy!) so hardly ever have money in my bank account so i'll not be able to get to the bank in time to replace the money for my direct debits coming out.

OP posts:
LittleMissedTheSunshine · 12/10/2018 17:43

I know you've already done it, but in your shoes I would have paid the hostel direct just in case she has a drugs problem and it's actually all going on crack.

EvaHarknessRose · 12/10/2018 17:48

No, its either a scam or not the answer to her problems. Tell her to visit the salvation army local to her.

Original poster
MishMashMosher · 12/10/2018 20:19

I've told her to contact shelter which she said she was going to. I've done what I can. I probably should have contacted the hostel direct but never mind. I won't be giving her any more money but hopefully she's telling the truth and I've helped her a bit. Thanks all.

OP posts:
Sunflowersforever · 12/10/2018 21:21

Sorry, but if homeless you don't pay for a hostel. Common myth.

This is usually a scam for drug money. Probably exhausted everyone else.

HollowTalk · 12/10/2018 21:27

I think it shows how many other people won't lend her the money because she isn't reliable, if she's asking you when you hardly know her. Don't give her any more, OP.

LanguidLobster · 12/10/2018 21:33

Oh is that a scam?? I've frequently given money to people on the streets as they said they had to get enough to pay for a night. Never knew!

OP you've helped out a bit which is kind of you but time to detach

tectonicplates · 12/10/2018 21:40

I've often wondered about this too - I thought it strange that homeless hostels would charge people to stay there.

LanguidLobster · 12/10/2018 21:41

I just assumed homeless hostels had a small fee.

Write off the £10 and mentally wish her well whatever is happening to her.

LanguidLobster · 12/10/2018 21:42

Me too @tectonicplates

Sunflowersforever · 12/10/2018 21:42

Local authorities pay for all emergency (ie. I need a hostel tonight) hostel provision so it's free at the point of access. Longer term hostel is paid from housing benefit. Homeless are never asked to pay for a hostel.

If someone on the street asks for money to get a hostel for the night, unfortunately it's playing on good will and more than likely for drugs or part of a gang.

Give to a homeless charity instead. 😊

WitBeyondMeasure · 12/10/2018 21:44

I used to work for a hostel and there was a small service charge after the first week. In that first week we would support them to claim benefits and help complete forms etc. Once they had an address - the hostel - they were able to claim.

Whatsthisbear · 12/10/2018 21:52

Like you I would feel bad and pay BUT realistically I know thats not how hostels work so, now you have already transferred money, you have done your bit
BLOCK HER!
Before she sends another “help me” request. She is not your Responsibility.

CheekyRedhead · 12/10/2018 22:57

I live in Manchester. Lots of homeless. Many stay in the private backpacker
Hostels. They feel safer there so don't assume.....

formerbabe · 12/10/2018 23:15

I wouldn't have given her a penny to be honest

xyzandabc · 12/10/2018 23:22

It was a generous gesture on your part but if giving away £10 means you are unable to pay your bills/direct debits, then you really aren't in a position to be giving anymore.

HMRCfail · 12/10/2018 23:25

Our local hostel charges £3 a night.

Original poster
MishMashMosher · 12/10/2018 23:51

Xyz, it's not that I won't be able to afford to pay my direct debits, it's just that I only have enough money in my current account to cover direct debits so I'll have to put soem more in. Without going into loads of detail I either just use cash and the rest goes into my savings account. I can afford £10 no problem. I doubt I will hear back from her or get the money back but I won't be giving her anything else.

I know the council will pay for hostel stays but only if you are officially homeless. I don't think she has gone down that route. I think she is having to pay to stay somewhere herself.

OP posts:
RB68 · 13/10/2018 00:02

I look at it differently. If I knew enough detail to know she had been kicked out and had been out for a few nights I think I would say OK - but paid directly and at £10 probably for a couple of nights but made the point she needs to sort herself out otherwise she will be homeless for a while so getting a claim sorted or an advance from work if she has any to get herself somewhere etc.

If it was someone closer to me and - yes I have experienced this recently - I would do more - give what I could spare to ensure they were safe and had a small amount of cash in hand, look out clothes or actively seek people that can donate clothes, toiletries or food stuffs. You have to be entitled to housing benefit for housing benefit to be paid - she may not be for whatever reason, e.g. in my friends case leaving an abusive relationship where they owned 4 properties - she ran but not entitled to any HB as owned properties and had to get a solicitors letter at £80 plus to prove she had no access to properties etc. It is never as simple as it sounds and when you are in that situation a fiver in your purse for phone credit to phone housing or benefits or whoever can make the difference.

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