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Original poster

Pet loss

19 replies

ChestyNut · 12/10/2018 10:37

My Beloved Dog had to be euthanised the day we went on holiday two weeks ago.
He was 11 and had epilepsy and various other illnesses through his life and needed regular medication etc.
He was my DF dog originally who sadly died when ChestyDog was two.
He was a giant part of our days.

How much grief is normal as I’m not coping very well?
I go back to work on Monday so can’t still be sobbing in my pjs all day Sad

I think I also may have jet lag.

How do I pull myself together?

OP posts:
LanguidLobster · 12/10/2018 10:45

Oh I'm sorry :(

It can hit very hard and not all people understand what it's like losing a very much loved little pet. It does break your heart.

Just remember you loved his furry little soul and try to take good care of yourself

ToadOfSadness · 12/10/2018 11:09

I am sorry for your loss, they are a big part of our lives. You need to cry until you stop and eventually you will feel better about it, there is no 'normal' with this kind of sadness. Be kind to yourself and remember the happy times and the love.

pontefractals · 12/10/2018 11:24

Sympathies. I know that losing a pet is hard anyway, but I wonder if you are also re-grieving the loss of your Dad (DF)?
I know this happens to me when something that my parents were attached to or involved in comes to an end. No real advice, but it might help to acknowledge it, even if only to yourself.
Apologies if I'm completely wrong on this, and look after yourself.

Original poster
ChestyNut · 12/10/2018 22:48

I think your right ponte about DF and it’s just my family getting smaller again Sad

Managed 4 hours without crying but bedtime is so hard, no barking to go out, medications or being used as a dog bed Sad

I have no idea how I’m going to manage to be a put together professional by Monday.

Thankyou all for understanding Flowers

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LanguidLobster · 12/10/2018 23:45

Flowers to you.

You'll manage on Monday as your dad and dog's memories of love are with you, even if you feel a bit shaky

KeepServingTheDrinks · 12/10/2018 23:58

I feel for you too. They really get into our hearts, don't they. Esp dogs, because they just love and adore us owners.

And yours sounds especially hard because of the extra emotional baggage, so Flowers for that.

i think it's fine for you to be sad on Monday and beyond. Just as long as you're realistic. So saying things like "I know it's just a dog" = people will be fine to cut you some slack. Don't say things like "It's as if I've lost my baby" in case someone you say it to actually has but hasn't made it public.
It's ok to be sad. Dogs are amazing. We lost ours in January, and we still mourn her.

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 12/10/2018 23:58

Pet loss is so hard and it’s something not everyone understands, when you loose your beloved companion who you have cared for, nurtured, nursed, put their needs before your own, have an amazing bond of love and then they die after many years together so many people expect you to have a bit of a cry and be over it within 24 hours, it seems to be the least socially acceptable form of bereavement, I wish there was more acceptance and understanding on how devastating pet loss is. Can you take a couple of days leave rather than go in on Monday? I’m so sorry for your loss xx

Original poster
ChestyNut · 13/10/2018 00:17

I’m aware that other people probably think “we’ll it’s just a dog” so only my DM and close friends know how badly I’ve taken it, I’m a bit embarrassed by how hard it’s hit me.
I can’t really take anymore leave as am still off following our holiday abroad.

I feel dreadful, sore eyes, throat and like I’m getting the flu too now!
I should try to go to bed but jet lag is keeping me awake and can’t stand laying there replaying stuff.

OP posts:
StillMedusa · 13/10/2018 00:36

It's never 'just a dog' (or cat) it's a much loved member of your family, someone who gave you unconditional love...

The love of my life (yes I am happily married with 4 children) was a 24 pound Maine Coon cat! He wasn't really a cat as he gave me unconditional love for the 12 short years he was with us. When he died I cried more than I did when my Dad died..because he was my soulmate in a fur coat, always there always ready to wrap his massive paws around my neck and snuggle in. The loss was huge and 4 years on it's still a massive gap in my life. (I loved my Dad too but the relationship was tricky!)
Don't apologise for feeling as you do... those who have beloved pets will understand, those who don't... well they have missed out on the joy that loving an animal brings.

It will ease, and you will cope at work, but it's ok to feel fragile xxx

StrangeLookingParasite · 13/10/2018 00:52

I lost my Tortigirl (Burmese cat) over three years ago now, and I still miss her terribly, every day.

Inthetropics · 13/10/2018 08:06

I'm very sorry for your loss! They are not just dogs or cats, they are members of our families and we love them so much. It's normal to be very sad... i still feel sad and miss my cats whenever i stop and reminisce...

Original poster
ChestyNut · 13/10/2018 18:33

The house is so quiet without him.
Feel guilty today that he went to the vets as he had many times probably expecting to come back to his house and food and we put him to sleep and he never got to come home Sad

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Rowgtfc72 · 13/10/2018 21:50

We had our dog pts in may. I was fine. Bit upset but hey it was just a dog right?
Last month I was reading a book about a big dog called Gisele that was put to sleep. It wrote every emotion I had. I howled and couldn't catch my breath. I didn't cry like that when my dad died. That little furry dog was everything to me. I still chuck scraps on the floor for her-and then have to sweep them up.

sonjadog · 13/10/2018 21:57

I was knocked down by my dog’s death. It was one of the deepest griefs I have felt. My best and closest friend died. It was like any other deeply felt grief. Some weeks of shock, emotional imbalance for months, finally being able to move on. In other words, it takes time. Go back to work, but give yourself time to grieve when you are home.

Keeoe · 13/10/2018 22:54

I had my little cat for 20 years. I was heartbroken when the time came for her to be pts. She'd been with me through so much. My house was so empty without her, I honoured her memory by adopting a greyhound 2 weeks later then 12 months later adopted another. I adore animals and my life isn't complete without them in my life. Perhaps, in time, you can think about another to share your life with.

Original poster
ChestyNut · 23/11/2018 06:57

Just to update, over a month later and the painful moments of expecting to see him when I get up or come on from work have gone.
But I feel so sad still in general, teary most days.
I’m not sure whether this is normal after a loss of a pet or it’s a build up of things making me a bit depressed.

Thanks for all your comments Flowers

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Ollivander84 · 23/11/2018 08:35

Normal I think. My horse was PTS - my whole life has revolves around horses from being tiny, the routine of feeding and mucking out before school, changing in the car after school to go and ride. He was with me all through college and came to uni with me. I remember my dad asking me to get up and me saying "what for? I don't know what to do"

It's been 16 years and I still remember exactly how his nose smelt and how his neck felt under my hand, the sound of his whinny and every lump and bump of him

After quitting riding due to him being PTS, a horse turned up for me to loan. Turns out I met this horse before, about 17 years ago, she was in the stable next to my old horse. I always say he sent her for me Smile

BMW6 · 23/11/2018 09:08

Of course your grief is normal - you loved him and you miss him. In time you will not feel so raw, but you will always mourn the loss.

I have had lots of loved ones die, some of which were not human. My pain was not different when the death was of a pet.

Original poster
ChestyNut · 23/11/2018 09:27

olivander your Post set me off again!
We are getting a puppy next month and I’m excited but feel guilty at times.

BMW Thankyou, no one tells you how long it’s acceptable to grieve for, I feel like I should be ok and wonder if it’s something else making me depressed but maybe I should give myself a break and accept that it takes how long it takes?

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