Seeing a rape crisis counsellor at 12.... terrified

[feelabitsilly]

I wasn’t raped ... but assaulted and suspected child sexual abuse.

I’m so scared , I’ve never talked about this stuff before :-(

I didn't want to read and run, but I have no experience to offer.

Just breathe, and know they are there to help
You can get through this, and come out stronger at the end.

I’m assuming you want to talk about it, in which case you probably need to. Plan a treat for yourself for afterwards.

Deep breath, you can do it.

Counselling is your space to get what you need at your pace. Lots of luck, I hope it goes OK

Its terrifying before you do it, your brain will tell you to run away and make up all sorts of reasons why its a bad idea, so make sure you go.
You may find yourself thinking that you misunderstood, it wasn't so bad, no one will believe you, people will think you are a liar - and none of those are true.

My best tip is dont wear clothes or perfume that you love. Wear something comfortable and relaxed, and have something to fiddle with and some tissues.
Good luck, you'll be fine

Been there- I promise you'll feel lighter when you leave than when you went in.

They know talking about it can bring stuff up for you again and they prepare you to manage that. Light, relaxing exercise like yoga or swimming was really good for afterwards- let's you process without thinking too much if that makes sense- and helps your body relax.

You're doing a really difficult thing and it won't be easy but it will be so so worth it xx

It's very hard, but I used to be a rape crisis counsellor many years ago and I can promise you that people do this because they want to help you. Nothing you have to say will shock them or hurt them, and they won't expect anything of you so you can say exactly what you want and stop where you feel it's right for you. They won't try to push you into any course of action, or tell you how you should feel or how you should cope, because everyone is different and has their own way to deal with things. They won't judge you for what happened because they know it was not your fault.

I've also had counselling (not because of assault) and it was really helpful just talking about things, and hearing what I said myself. Most of the benefits come from within, the counsellor allows you space where you can talk about things without fear of hurting anyone close to you or being judged.

Very best wishes to you, I hope it goes well for you.

Hope it went ok, and that you get what you want from it 💐

Thinking about you and hoping you're well this evening.

It didn’t go as well I imagined ...

The counsellor was lovely but she just sat in silence the majority of the time . Very similar feel to when you talk to Samaritans ie they aren’t allowed to advise you at all? She didn’t say anything really , but suggested I could come back for 8 weekly sessions . I’m not sure I want to do quite so much .

I had a quick thread the other day on this (can’t find that one now); the thing is I think I might have been sexually abused as a child but I can’t remember . I know no one can say yes or no either way , I just wish I could explain to someone the reasons I think I did it happen and if they could help me understand why I might have felt the way I did or did what I did at a young age. There’s a lot of stuff that just feels weird to me and makes me think ... I’ve had training in child protection and if the child I was looking after was me iyswim , I’d be reporting it ...

It confuses me a LOT. I have PTSD from undergoing 20 years of Gynae treatment and surgeries beginning at age 8, and they said likely outcomes in terms of trauma aren’t far from what they’d expect an abuse victim to feel like (some of the treatment I had wasn’t consensual or done in a dignified or caring manner), so it’s hard to understand at all. And I was sexually assaulted too, as a child and in my early teens .

I just wish I could know for definite whether the person I think hurt me , did hurt me . How can you not know what happened to yourself ?

I don’t know if I’ll go back, its a horrible feeling to feel so muddled up though .

Cognitive analytic therapy works by helping you frame and make sense of your experiences. Maybe you could try that?
I know when I attended rape counselling that was what I hoped for ( different situation but still...) That wasn’t what I got, what I got was someone listening in silence with occasional exclamations of “oh, that wretched boy!” (He was neither wretched nor a boy.)
I really hoped I’d just been unlucky and wanted you to have a better experience. Sorry.

I wish things had gone better for you, and Howmany it sounds like your counsellor just wasn't very good at it! I've had one excellent counsellor and one who was not so good and I didn't persevere with her.

I think it's going to be hard for any counsellor to get you the result you need, OP, because they can't direct you. It's inherent to rape crisis counselling that you don't tell people what to do or think, because they need to regain control of their own lives and also because it would be an abuse in itself to put your own ideas in there.

Having said that, I don't think a good counsellor needs to be completely passive, they can ask relevant questions about why you feel the need for counselling and what you hope to get from it. Sounds like you're pretty clear about that. They definitely can't tell you whether something did or didn't happen in the past though. I can imagine talking about your past with a non judgemental person might clarify things but if you don't feel it's working or it's not on your own terms, perhaps it's not right for you, or not right for you just now.

I don't see why you should have weekly sessions if that feels too intense. I hope you're able to find something that gives you peace of mind.