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Original poster

My sons best friends dad is in prison

17 replies

Blackberry10 · 12/10/2018 08:55

He is in prison for 14 and a half years for armed robbery and had a string of convictions before this. The boys mum has washed her hands of him.

The thing is the other mum and dads in the class are avoiding the mum and excluding the son at parties and not inviting him round to play. He is also being ignored in the playground as a lot of the parents have told their child not to play with him.

I have carried on as normal as to me he is a lovely little boy who is not responsible for the sins of the father but I have now noticed I am being ignored as well and my DS is being excluded.

I just want to scream at the other parents to grow up. This little boy has already been through so much he doest need this at school as well. The mum is really upset and I am thinking of talking to the head to see if anything can be done.

I know she can’t help with the stuff out of school but she could intervene with the in school stuff.

OP posts:

Original poster

Blackberry10 · 12/10/2018 08:57

DS is upset at being excluding by some but he is very protective of his best friend and stands up for him.

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 12/10/2018 08:58

Good for you.
It s not child s fault.
And yes ask school to address it in pshe lessons

PiperPublickOccurrences · 12/10/2018 08:59

The boys mum has washed her hands of him

I think this is the important bit. I wouldn't have an issue with a mum who was having nothing to do with her violent, criminal ex. If she was peddling the "misunderstood and he's a softie really" line, i would be steering well clear.

I'm not sure that having a word with the Head will have any effect though.

Original poster

Blackberry10 · 12/10/2018 09:01

I will also add it’s not all the parents but there is a click of about 11 parents who are doing this. Unfortunately their little darlings are the popular ones and are influencing the rest of the class and the other mums and dads to some extent

OP posts:

kaytee87 · 12/10/2018 09:03

They sound horrible. The poor boy. Yes I would address with head.

silkpyjamasallday · 12/10/2018 09:04

Good for you, and well done for raising a conscientious child, many would have abandoned the friend for fear of being ostracised themselves. It happened at my primary school where some parents were splashed across the local paper for being heroin addicts, their children remained at the school for a while but were pariahs because adults chose to judge the children along with the parents and actively exclude them. It's very very sad.

I would speak to the head, because maybe in the interests of the child being excluded it would be best if the parents were told how shitty they are being to a child.

BitchQueen90 · 12/10/2018 09:06

I was that child at school OP. You and your DS sound lovely. The boy will need a lot of support.

2cats2many · 12/10/2018 09:07

I would say that there's not much you can do about their behaviours. Just stick to your own principles as you are already doing.

They all sound like fucking dicks though.

RickOShay · 12/10/2018 09:09

Snap op. Ds1 best friends dad is in prison too. Just carry on regardless of other people, invite him to your house and be gracious in the face of any snideyness.
Talking to the head also a good plan.

TeachesOfPeaches · 12/10/2018 09:14

My dad was in and out of prison when I was in primary school and my parents stayed together. I don't remember being treated any differently but maybe I was just lucky.

Rainbowtrain · 12/10/2018 09:22

Here is society cornering a child into failure, and possibly crime at the end, if he is led to believe what those people are showing.
Ahhhh.
Good for you 😪

AnElderlyLadyOfMediumHeight · 12/10/2018 09:26

Talk to the head and the class teacher. This sort of behaviour should be covered by a good anti-bullying policy (which in the ideal case extends to all those involved in the life of the school, including the parents).

The poor boy and mum.

WhichSchoolForDS · 12/10/2018 09:28

That poor boy. Even if both his parents were awful, which doesn't sound like the case, excluding him is awful. If he's also being excluded at playtime at school I do think it's worth bringing up with the teacher.

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 12/10/2018 09:29

I agree that the school need to intervene here.
It's bullying.

WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 12/10/2018 09:30

(on the part of the parents)

yorkshireyummymummy · 12/10/2018 09:39

Talk to the head.
Although in all honesty the teacher and head should already have observed what has been going on and should be addressing it.

The head should speak to the poor lad and his mum in the first instance and discuss what path to take to address this.

I would be looking at the head doing a very pointed assembly with parents in attendance with the theme being ‘ don’t blame the child for the sins of the parents’ and ‘ excluding is not allowed in this school ‘.

This child AND his mum need support at this time- this poor boy has lost his dad for a minimum of the rest of his childhood. I’m aghast at the parents who are excluding and ignoring - what judgemental ignorant bastards they must be. I would be giving them a mouthful but that’s another thread.....

You are being kind and setting a super example for your child.
Help this mum and her son - I’m sure you won’t regret it.

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 12/10/2018 09:47

This is heartbreaking.

Something similar happened with a girl in DDs class except the parents went out of their way to made sure the girl wasn't treated like that and encouraged our kids to stand up for her. Whatever her father did, it wasn't her fault.

Same should be happening to this boy.

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