Feeling lonely as a sahm

[Springtimeflowers]

I'm a sahm to two lovely little girls - a two year old and small baby. I love staying at home with them, and they (along with my husband) are my whole world.

But I wish I had a friend.

We moved here a few years ago, and it's just never happened. I really have tried. I take my girls along to toddler groups, and have tried to start up conversations with other mum's, but it just never really takes off. The other mum's are nice, but I've never really clicked with anyone. I don't think they dislike me, but I feel I've boxed myself into "she's nice, but no one really talks to her". The other mum's main conversation is gossiping which I don't like, and I'm also very shy so struggle to keep a conversation going. Most of the other mum's are very outgoing and chatty, and have known each other for years - and it can feel a bit overwhelming to join in.

Most of the time I don't mind not having friends. I'm very introverted, and enjoy a simple and quiet life with my family. But then there are times I wish I had a friend to talk to. My toddler also keeps asking for children to come to our house, and I feel like such a bad mum that I can't seem to make that happen for her. There was one mum from a group I no longer attend (we moved to a nearby town a year ago, and I no longer have a car) who I really liked, and I gave her my phone number but never heard anything. It made me doubt myself that she obviously never really liked me.

I just don't know what I'm doing wrong. I know this post probably sounds really negative, which really isn't who I am; but I think it's just sleep deprivation with a newborn making me a bit emotional!

Does anyone please have any advice for me, or can perhaps relate to how I feel? Is this unusual or pretty common?

I remember those days so well....and you're not alone. There are lots like you.

It got MUCH better when my children started school. You see the same mums every day...and parties ensure that you get to sit with them and have a coffee and a chat.

Friendships formed after about a year....we had a few nights out and so on.

For now, dont stop going to toddler groups but you could also consider joining a club. Something you enjoy...walking groups are very friendly.

Sorry I didn't mean for that to be so long!

Thank you so much for your reply - to be honest it's nice to know I'm not alone, as it can really feel like I am.

That's a good point about school; I hadn't thought of that before.

Keep going to the toddler groups and see if you can ask one of the mums round to yours. Asking for advice about nursery or school applications is a good way to start conversations.

Thank you - asking about nursery is a good idea, as I actually have no idea which nurseries are the 'good' ones round here, or even how to go about it! I can feel like I literally don't really have anything to talk about with them.

Yes, school is much better, because you're all in it together...you've all got something in common. More than at playgroups.

And playdates are another chance to get to know people too.

Which nurseries are you considering? How does the application process work? When should you put Dd's name on the list and where? What are the different nurseries like? I'd avoid asking outright for the 'good' nurseries. Some.people.may have older children at the not so good ones. Also you'll visit them to get a feel yourself. If your DD is 2 you'll want to be putting her name down soon anyway.

try other groups , messy play , art and crafts , sessions and the libary , sign and sign, sensory classes there is so much to choose from but it will take a effort to get to know people and so etimes you will have to make first move ( I know this feels horrific I hate doing it ) but it will be worth it. Go to the local park just try and chat. Have you heard of the app mush ? you join and then can connect with other mums in your area you get a selection of all the mums on the website and can match with them. Most write a little profile about what they like doing ECT. Then people post saying of I'm trying this group on Monday any one interested ? going for a walk the anyone fancy ECT. There is lots of meetups some just with mums for a meal but misty with the children. I think you children are the perfect she for this my little boy is older and a lot of the things organised everyone was a lot younger.

excuse typos oh phone

Don't worry, I wouldn't actually ask which ones were the "good" nurseries; I was just saying that here. Thank you for the questions to ask, I have been feeling a bit lost with it all!

I've also never heard of that app before, but will take a look later.