Daughter’s first week at nursery- sick with worry and guilt

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Daughter just over 2.5 and started a couple of mornings at nursery this week. She is quite independent and has done really well so far. Speaks to and plays with other children and staff. But each time she has come out at the end of the session she has looked so sad and upset i thought something awful had happened even though it hadn’t- staff said she was fine. I know every parent will feel like this and obviously it will take her a while to settle in properly but I feel so sick with guilt. It is such a terrifying feeling giving care of my child over to somebody else. I am not sure if I have done the right thing really and just thought it might help to see if others felt like this to begin with. Although I trust the staff obviously and they all seem very nice, when I went in with her today to fill in some forms at the beginning of the session it took a few minutes for a member of staff to come and encourage her to sit at one of the tables. It was only when I started encouraging her to that they did so.

I work in a private nursery. I'm disappointed to hear you're not getting much from staff, however three hours is not a lot of time! Maybe just say 'how has she been?' rather than specifics about toilets?

I would tell staff about the toilet at drop off for a few weeks and just say 'just to remind you X needs a bit of help at the moment as she's scared of falling, please let your colleagues know too'. They should support her with that, poor love.

I think it's a bit much to ask them to remember what she played with in one very short session. If she's playing, that's all that matters and I'd hope they'd tell you if not.

We'd encourage parents to ring on first settling in sessions too. But yes as a practitioner I would absolutely try and keep the conversation short - we have so much to do that stopping for a ten minute conversation with a parent means our ratios/pairs of eyes are out! A good nursery would call you if there were major problems.

Momasita, do tell us more about the course that you have ‘done on all of this’

Op, how many children are there, do they all arrive and leave at the same time? How does you getting there 5 mins early help? Do you want them to open 5 mins early every day to give more feedback to you? Are you arriving so late at pick up time that they are all ready to leave/go on to other jobs/meeting/training? I don’t see that the nursery are doing anything wrong, more that the op has unrealistic expectations. Her daughter had never been anywhere without parents so of course it will take some time to settle. Nursery staff also can’t provide 1:1 care as parents did at playgroup. Staff also don’t have to spend time every day going into detail about her child’s every move (especially when they probably work long set hours and don’t want to work extra time for free). She needs to allow a proper amount of time for settling and no doubt there will be a parents meeting coming soon enough to discuss such things. Building positive relationships with parents doesn’t mean going over the top and giving in to every parents whims and demands. Parents need to be reasonable too.

It's a course training people to work with dc in nurseries etc.

Diploma.
The approach is supposed to be child centered, focused on the dc and helping them transition by working with, hand and glove the parents.
The past week has been directly focused on the crucial relationships between parents and nursery staff.
The hand over chat... Had child had a good night, any worries.

Op. The irony is that if the people in this nursery were actually doing what they are supposed too you wouldn't be ringing up worried, you wouldn't be on here worried and that's kind of the point.

It's all supposed to be child centred everything in best interests of the child, everyone working together for the child.

Ignoring the child leaving them unsupported in anew setting, not chatting to mum.. Being distant busy etc with a brand. New. Client....

Is piss poor practise. Its appalling to excuse this as staff to busy etc.

Once you have worked with child and mum, making both feel secure.. Both working to get child settled in... Then the relationship is one of trust.. Where there is trust... There is less likely to be worry... And less likely to have anxious parent.

But its the onus on the nursery... The. Business.... Taking money for this to establish that.

Op. Its shit.

Thanks. Was only expecting to speak more to them in the first couple of weeks until she is settled so didn’t think it wasn’t too much to ask to speak for a couple of minutes a day. They haven’t asked anything about my daughter at all really, even how to make her feel better if she is upset. It has only been me suggesting how to make her feel better if she is upset etc when I would have expected they ask me that on the first day. There are no young girls there, all about 30-45 as I know it’s a hard job and would expect younger girls may find it harder. But they have obviously all been in childcare a long time so not sure if this is how they always do things. When I pick my daughter up, there are only two other children left and those parents don’t speak to the staff so it is literally just me to speak to. I get there 5 minutes early so have left before the actual paid hour is up

I wasn’t told if she spoke to any other children or staff so don’t know if she has interacted at all or been stood on her own, like she was when I went into the room at the beginning of the session. A lot of the children are there most of the day however a few do a 3 hour session like my daughter

I suppose I don’t know if I am worryingly unnecessarily or a different nursery is better. I wouldn’t want to change her to anothe nursery if it was the same situation. To the poster who said this, my daughter is definitely not picking up on my worry. Very positive to her about the nursery and have never acted upset when dropping her off etc. Obviously would never want her to pick up on that