Leaving work? Please help me.

[Troodon]

This will be long.
I am desperate for some advice. Currently working PT, 4 kids in childcare. DP works 40++ hours. We. Are. Skint. Basic cost of living is crippling us, I budget to the penny, we have nothing left over after all essentials paid for, in debt to school b'fast club and ASC. Trying to pay off as much as we can but obviously it increases weekly. I'm interviewing for FT job next week which is also a higher band (NHS band 4). I have gone through the entitledto calculator which says we will end up with £94 weekly SPARE after all bills, etc are paid-this is if the CTC amount is accurate. So, that's great. However, if I don't work at all, taking into account decrease in petrol etc we would have £140 a week spare 😲. I've gone through it with a fine tooth comb and haven't made a mistake. I'm seriously tempted.
My DC are ages 9-2. Other than Mat Leave I have always worked. One of my children has severe behaviour problems and is under CAMHS. On my 'days off' I take on the majority of the domestic tasks, drive him back and forth for appointments, have the 2year old at home, usual stuff. We have had a horrible couple of years with illness, bereavement, massive money issues which we are still dealing with (tax credit cock up). I'm miserable at work due to shitty office politics and a hefty dose of clique/nepotism. I'm beyond exhausted. I now have to attend a parenting course before CAHMS will progress with DS, who daily assaults me, bites, punches, headbuts etc. The temptation to just fuck off work is HUGE, especially as it seems it will be financially the better option. I am not lazy, work shy or precious. It could be a chance to take some pressure off, actually make a substantial dint in our debts and maybe even find some joy in this drudgery existence. I would be 38 when DD2 goes to school, so plenty of years left to work.
I guess I'm wondering if this is a terrible idea, and would be interested if anyone has done something similar?

I’ve not stopped work but have gone very part time after adoption leave, the only thing I’d suggest thinking about is whether you’ll end up caring for your 2 year old 24/7 and if so, are you ok with that. I know I couldn’t cope with being home all the time with a small child, work gives me some grown up headspace and company which I really need.

Also think about your wider supports, do you have friends or family to sound off to or who can relieve the pressure of you need a break.

The other thing is you refer to DP, if you aren’t married I wouldn’t even consider stopping Work because you leave yourself very vulnerable should the relationship breaks down.

All those things being ok, I wouldn’t hesitate to stop working.

Giving up work will mean less pension / career progression as well. But you will also save on work clothes / travel(?) / could you get rid of your car if you have one? More time to shop around etc. It's a tough one! Would you be able to go back to work in a few years?

If you voluntarily leave work will you get benefits immediately or will there be a 6 month sanction??

I wouldn't be applying for any out-of-work benefit, it would be Tax Credits, I don't think they are the under the same sanction thing? I could lose the car if I didn't work, it's essential otherwise. I'm so torn, I love working (apart from current unpleasant office situ) but also see the positives of not working.
It's difficult to get any respite due to DS's behaviour.

I would definitely go back in a couple of years, it would always be a temporary thing.

Oh and yes we are not married, had a wedding booked and planned but had to cancel due to above mentioned financial nightmare 😕

I'd leave work. I recently decided to stay home after my maternity leave since we were worse off financially. I don't regret it and I'll be going back once she's older.

It's a difficult one. I work part time, dd's are in school now but when they were in nursery with childcare fees, petrol etc I came home with very little and at times it didn't seem worth all the stress of long days and juggling everything. Work did however keep me sane, I just wasn't cut out to be a full time sahm and work gave me a break! In your situation though I can see the benefits of having a break from work until all your dc are all n school.

Do you currently work in the NHS? Can you use parental leave to cover holidays and reduce your childcare bills? Are you already using some of your entitlement to cover the CAMHS appointments? Or apply for a career break so you have a job to go back to in 2/3/5 years?

It's difficult to get any respite due to DS's behaviour.

Is work your respite currently? Don't underestimate the impact of not working can have on your mental health.

I think any change in circumstances triggers Universal credit, so please ensure you would be better off on that too. I had a support worker do the calculations for me, no change of circumstances, but I am considerably better off on UC than I was on TC.

As I am disabled and DP works full time, they are not pressuring me to look for work either.

You have a 2 year old, so should not be under pressure either.

Wow, it really doesn't pay to work.

Most people would think "don't live on benefits/take taxpayers for granted" but if the system allows you not to work and have more money in your pocket, then go for it!!!

Do your sums for how things will be when your 2 year old gets their free hours and when they're at school. Could you arrange the little one's hours to give you a bit of respite in terms of time off then, as well as easing the financial situation?

I do hear you but little ones in fully paid childcare is a temporary situation, if not a a brief one with 4 children! Don't make a permanent change in response to a temporary situation unless you have to. Could you take a sabbatical from work until free hours kick in or anything? You sound absolutely exhausted and you know if you're at the end of your tether.

Have you looked whether you can take a carers break from work? I know in some public sectors this is an option?
Also have you considered looking at applying for DLA for your son? Might be worth considering

Thank you all I've relaxed a bit and thought logically, if I get FT job then I will stick with it. If I don't, I'll keep looking. If school decides to stop the ASC/B'Fast club places, then I'll have no choice but to leave. I am in NHS and a career break is an option I hadn't considered so thank you for that 😊. My AL is pretty much all used up for childcare, I don't think I would mind being at home with the little one. I have plans to dig up the garden and grow veg/fruit next year, I'm very keen on fixing/making clothes and batch cook from scratch when I can. I think I will have plenty to keep me busy. Also, my ex-husbands father is unwell at present and needs a bit of help. I wouldn't be bored. But I do love love love my job, and would be working with complex and vulnerable discharges if successful, it's a bit of a dream job. But I am also so tired. Childrens Social Care are getting involved as DS tells school I hurt him (I don't). I am told to cuddle him more, but he has broken my nose . Work is sometimes a respite but as it stands at the moment I have no escape other than sleep. And I don't get much of that either.

Absolutely take a career break if it's right for you. Sometimes just knowing that we have options that we can take can is all it needs to carry on.