Bullying what to do first?

[beachysandy81]

My son is being bullied by a 'friend' at school. I know the parents and am not sure whether to approach the school or the parents first. Would it be odd to go through the school without telling the parents?

My son is so upset, I don't want to make things worse for him than they already are. We have taken photos of messages between the two so you can see what is going on but if I show these I am worried this boy will make matters worse.

Speak to the school
Do things formally

Oh your poor son. Contact the school Not the parents. They will have an anti bullying policy in place and should deal with it. Keep all copies of anything online. Really hope you get it sorted

Thank you. I have copies of everything. Feeling really stressed that we are handling everything in the right way. I had already contacted the school the other week to ask them to keep an eye on things and separate them where possible.

Unfortunately from reading the messages between them, I now realise things have escalated since then. He is being violent as well as extremely mean and is getting others to be threatening to my son. I am a bit worried that my son will get in trouble as he has fought back but it is clear he has never started any violence. This boy also has bullied others before so has form for it. They are in Year 7 so its a new school but they have known each other from primary.

I will see how things have gone today when I talk to him and then will contact the school tomorrow and ask for a meeting. He is having a tough time at the moment generally so could really do without this.

He is heartbroken and doesn't understand why his friend has turned against him.

If he does get in trouble for defending himself, stand up for him so he knows you have his back. I did tell all my kids to never start anything, but if they get hit by a bully I will be there for them when they flatten the bully.
I would start with going to the school with all the evidence and let them know that you will not stand by and let your child be hared by this bully and he will defend himself if needed.

hared? Harmed.

Always the school. I once had a very good friend whose daughter hit my daughter so I raised it with her and she said she would talk to daughter about it....but my friend quite rightly said if there are any more issues between the girls to raise it with the school. Whenever a parent has ignored this and spoken to the other parent - in most of the cases it goes belly up and the parent's friendship ends.

Thank you. Yes, we will always have his back. I just don't want it made out to being 'boys being boys' if they realise they have both been fighting.

I have also heard he reduced another boy to tears at school by verbally humiliating him in front of others. Apparently, this poor boy is really quiet and shy and came to the school without knowing anyone so I will be sure to mention that too.