Farts. What do you say when they happen? [Very serious]

[Goldenbug]

Because I work with somebody who loudly trumps and makes no reference to it. Surely you have to say something? "Pardon me", or "Was that thunder?", or blame a passing small child maybe?

Bonus points for posters who use a new synonym for trouser cough in their posts.

Creaky floorboards.

Oops, popsicle.

I say to my bf, ‘did somebody step on a duck?’

The 15.03 to Trumpton is running early

On the very, very rare occasion it has happened at work, I've pretended it didn't happen. I could not think what else to do. It was very tiny though!

With family and very close friends, we normally laugh!

Carpet frogs.

or

Was that the dog?

or

Say again?

Are you sure that they are farts? Because there are some conditions which cause insane tummy rumbling which can sound not dissimilar.

Fido! Bad boy!

I love a good farting thread. I remember crying with laughter at one about 10 years ago which involved treading on a duck.

I love it when DP farts in bed. I end up shaking with laughter.

XH took farting very seriously. His lack of humour about it still makes me laugh when I think about it.

In work I can understand saying nothing. My dmil has stomach issues and tablets she takes causes loud frequent farting. She is mortified and often the easiest thing to do is ignore it en masse.

It's when they move about in strange positions. Other people have confirmed them as parps.

I would pretend it wasn't me if nobody heard, but if that's not possible I would pick an obviously fibby excuse for my bottom bubbles.

"Barge coming through" is DH favourite

Colpermin makes you pass wind
Better out than in

Bum burp

If it's when they move it's likely to be uncontrollable - a medical issue. As I say my mil has something like this and it's as much a surprise to her as anyone- no warning or sensation beforehand etc. I'd go along with their false ignorance, save any hurt feelings.

"Speak on, sweet lips that never told a lie"

(OK, it might have been my sister who taught me that, and I've never actually used it at work, as such).

"Foggy on the river today"

If my DP farts I can't say anything because I'm laughing so much. He trumped really loudly in his sleep once and I lay in bed shaking with laughter.

I always figured that when I grew up properly I wouldn't find farts funny. I'm 51 now and still find them hilarious so the maturity ship has clearly sailed

I used to have a client (long since passed away) who used to fart then would say “birds are awake in the trees!” DH often says there’s a duck in the room; I tell him he’s a poor imitation of a true master!!

'More tea, vicar?'

I say aw pardon you trumpet bum to our 18 week old DS even tho it was me 😂 😂