How did you "grow a pair"...

[Pusheenicorn]

...so to speak?

I NEED to learn to stand up for myself in a professional setting.

I normally wouldn't say boo to a goose, I am gradually getting better but seem to have reached an impasse.

E.g. today at work, a manager did something which I believe to be immoral, against policy and procedures and when speaking to my line manager, she told me to challenge it as part of my CPD.

I couldn't. I felt sick. I went to the bathroom to psych myself up, went back to my desk and chickened out and ended up not saying anything at all.

That's just one example, there are loads more. Have you overcome anything like this and how?

I think I reached a point where I saw other people standing up for themselves and not getting walked all over and just thought "stuff it".

I see it like ripping a plaster off. Just say what you need to and get it off your chest. Once it's said then the whole stress is gone, you're not sat on it stewing and feeling rubbish. That moment of being brave is hard at the time but the relief soon comes and it's a good feeling.

Placemarking!

Just say it.
As ems says, rip the plaster off.

If you're telling the truth, and you have the courage of your convictions, trust yourself and just say it.

I have to do this virtually daily in my job. You get used to it with practice!

I'm new to managment and definitely need to toughen up so to speak in watching this thread with interest.

Don't grow a pair of balls - they are soft and vulnerable! Do you have a vagina? Those things are tough! Women's bits are tougher than men's!

I don't know that I got harder, as such, but got better at doing what needed to be done. I can now have the 'difficult conversation ' for example in work and be super professional but still go home and cry in the car. Some people are just fucking nails, I'm not. But I've stopped being a public wuss, just save it for private times!!

I learnt to stop giving a shit if people like me or not. If I'm pulling someone up on something that they have done wrong and that one thing makes them dislike me. Fuck them! It took many years for me to get to this place... but it's like a weight was lifted when I realised it!

I am actually getting worse at this with age. At work I feel on the verge of tears constantly and the thought of confronting my aggressive narcissistic egotistical domineering senior 'colleague' makes me feel sick. I have pretty much stopped talking to her altogether because she receives everything like it's a personal attack on her. Very draining.

justlikedevon - I think that's the better way to be though, you can still be empathetic to their feelings while telling someone they're a bit shit at their job. It means you're still human!

A big part of it is separating out in your mind this is my job and this is me as an individual.
Someone once asked me 'dont you mind that everybody hates you're and my reply was 'Erm, my kids and my husband love me very much thanks'. She didn't know me to hate me, she disliked my job role, which was to critique her work standards.

I take pride in my work, I'm honest and do it well. If people can't follow simple instructions to do their job properly, they need to be told so they can sort their shit out.

Remember it's about owning your space.
If what you have to say is legitimate, then you do no one any favours by not doing it. It's a duty of your job, not a personal preferred behaviour of yours; once you can be comfortable with separating the two, stepping up feels much easier.
I am not a commanding person, not bossy, nor inclined to make others conform to my expectations - all interesting personal characteristics for a (now former) Sixth Form Teacher. But, as a professional, it was incumbent upon me to enforce a set of rules (not all of which I agreed with).
So (practical advice time) my technique was to be very open about why I was engaging in the discussion. In your case, you are highlighting a behaviour that was against policy and could be harmful to that person, you, the company, etc. You are not sniping at them. Be open and clear about what you need to tell the person and why you need to tell them this. Their reaction after that, if negative, is their problem, not yours. Being liked and respected tend to go hand in hand. You can be liked and doormatt-ish, but not respected.

For me it's about not caring about what others think so much. I still have wobbles but I know it's because I sometimes don't want people to think ill of me. I'm getting better at not caring as I get older.

I do like saying 'no' too.

do it and do it again! practice builds confidence. start being more vocal on the small things, speaking up in meetings, challenging comments. I watched how the men acted and copied it.