Funeral etiquette

[myohmywhatarainyday]

Didn’t know where to put this, so apologies if it’s in the wrong place.
It’s my DH grandads funeral next week.
I’m obv happy to go along with what he wants, but he’s said it’s tradition to meet the funeral car outside the deceased persons house and to drive behind it in your own car to the church or crematorium (about 30 minutes away in our case)
I thought that just the funeral cars did a procession. I’ve never seen random cars tagging along on the end before, although I may be wrong.
He’s not asked family about doing this, he just thinks it’s the way things are done and I don’t want to cause a big faux pas.
I’ve always driven to the church or crematorium first and met the hearse there when it arrived.
Is there a correct way?

I have gone from the house behind the cottage for every family members and close friends funeral.
I would consider it traditional and respectful.

When I see funeral cars driving down the road, there are always normal cars tagged on the end which are obviously part of the funeral procession.. sometimes they have a black flag on them. It is the done thing.

The only time we've had people follow the funeral cars is when they've been unsure on how to get to the service location.

Yes I think a lot of people do this. You probably haven't noticed because they are just normal cars.

Why not speak to the funeral director re concerns it will take time to park etc after following the hearse. They do this all the time and are professionals so they will reassure you they are aware it takes people time to park etc and they won't start without you.

Have always done this in my family, as pp the main funeral cars normally wait a short while so the cortège can park & assemble.

Are they not having funeral cars to transport the family?
Most people usually follow the hearse & funeral cars in their own vehicle and then go into church/crematorium just before the service starts.

I have taken funerals where extended family have met the hearse at the crem and others where they have followed the hearse. It is personal preference
We have a fairly small crem but there is always ample time for those cars to park up before the coffin is taken from the hearse. Often the extended family will be bearers so they have to wait for them to park up. But actually there is always a bit of a delay as the funeral directors have to check everything is ready for them to go in the crematorium first.
Sorry for your loss.

A friend of mine accidentally got into the middle of one of these car processions. In her daughter’s pink Beetle.

It's coming up to two years since my dad died. For his funeral, it was direct family only following the hearse (although it was lovely that the neighbours came out to see him off and pay their respects if they weren't attending). Grandchildren also came in the funeral cars, but that was because some of them had come from another country, and the others were young.
Everyone else waited at the crematorium.
Perhaps you could check with other members of the family to check what they're doing so you all do the same?

My dad’s funeral 3 years ago we all met at my sister’s house and the hearse met us there and we children went in the limo with Mum. Our spouses made their own way to the crematorium. Mum’s funeral earlier this year, we all made our own way to the pub next door to the church then met the hearse outside the church and walked into the church behind the coffin. We then went by limo/family cars to the crematorium for the committal. We only had immediate family at the crematorium so didn’t have a massive procession.

This is quite normal.

Two types of mourners.

Yes, all family and close friends, neighbours etc gather at the house and follow the hearse/funeral cars in their own random cars.

Some people ie work colleagues who aren't close to the deceased may chose to go straight to the church/crem.

I would have thought that you and your DH would be in the first category.

I think from this thread I've learnt that everyone's different.

I've never followed a funeral car have always headed straight to the service.

It depends on the relationship?

For family I would expect them to congregate at the house, close family go in the limos, extended aunts, uncles and cousins tag on to the procession in their own cars.

People coming from further a field, or who aren't family would meet at the crem or church.

We followed this tradition. It was only immediate family in the cars following the hearse. We had our lights on so hopefully we looked like we were in a group & cars did give us leeway at roundabouts etc so we could stay together. Everyone else met us at the church.

I've only seen funerals where the cortège picks up family members from the funeral directors and a rag tag and bobtail collection of cars follows on behind.

The cortège detours to pass and slow down outside the deceased's house and/or a significant place in their life (for one uncle, we paraded slowly past his local pub), before finally getting to the place the service is held.

The service is performed and then we end up, quick smart, at the cemetery.

After the interment, the hearse takes off back to base and the rest of the 'official' cars take the family to whichever venue the wake or funeral meal is being held, with rag tag and bobtail cars following them.