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Original poster

Should I report this to the school?

29 replies

worried00003333 · 10/10/2018 19:49

DS IS in year 10. Just before the summer holidays I saw some messages on social media from a boy threatening to punch him again. I found out from DS that he had punched him at school 'a few months before' DS was very vague and adamant that he didn't want me to speak to the school. It was literally the last week of school so I left it.

I keep an eye on Ds's social media, but he doesn't know this. I have just seen more messages from today and the same boy has punched him today. DS doesn't know that I know and hasn't said anything about it. Should I report this to the school and ask that they look into it without implicating DS?

The other boy is very cocky and popular and mixes in circles I wouldn't want ds getting into bother with. I don't want to stir up a hornets nest but know that I need to do sonething

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GreenTulips · 10/10/2018 19:52

I've found senior schools very helpful in these matters .... theyvusually say 'it's been reported to us that .... ' and the kids usually admit it quite quickly .... they tend to make sure DS is in class and accounted for so it's appears he hasn't snitched (I hate that word)

You have nothing to lose!

MacosieAsunter · 10/10/2018 19:52

The school grapevine will be rattling anyway, and HOY and pastoral care will know there is trouble brewing. I would call them, screen shot your sons social media and offer it to pastoral.

MaisyPops · 10/10/2018 19:54

I would let school know but make it clear you don't want to be the source.

We've done a few "so we've heard about X on the grapevine... It has come to our attention..." interventions.

Original poster
worried00003333 · 10/10/2018 19:57

Do you work at a school maisypops? It sounds as though he was bragging about it so I was thinking they could say a staff member overheard? Ds would be fuming that I had looked at his messages and even more so that I contacted the school.

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MaisyPops · 10/10/2018 20:14

Yes. Secondary.

I've had parents call me up to pass on information about things being planned during the week that they've heard at the weekend end, issues linked to girls bitching on social media (but very very nasty) etc.

We tend to say 'it has come to our attention...' and take it from there. Most won't ask how we found out. Even if they did our line is always 'almost 2000 students and a few hundred staff and you think we don't find things out...' We don't lie or create cover stories. It's just not discussed.

Does the social media and messages give you some indication of when/where it happened so that you're reasonably sure someone could have seen/overheard people?

Original poster
worried00003333 · 10/10/2018 20:19

It happened on the football pitches at school at lunchtime. There's lots of cctv at the school so it might even be on there.

I'm just worried that his natural assumption will be ds has told the teacher and/or us and will make his life hell. He really does hang around with some vile violent people and I'm concerned things will turn ugly.

Teenagers are so bloody awful to eachother you couldn't pay me to be one again

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MaisyPops · 10/10/2018 20:23

In which case definitely make school aware of it.
With the best will in the world, any child who thinks they can anonymously go for other children in a school is arrogant (or the school isn't as slick as it should be).

We don't always hear everything quickly, but we do put puzzles together.

I've heard about fights by 1st lesson after lunch that happened at lunch time in a different year group.

Original poster
worried00003333 · 10/10/2018 20:27

Arrogant just about sums him up to be honest. The problem is nobody is likely to speak against him he is much more popular than ds and quite intimidating.

I will ring school tomorrow and really spell it out to them that DS doesn't even know that I know and to be very careful how they go about looking into it.

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DeathyMcDeathStarFace · 10/10/2018 20:40

You definitely need to report this to the school. If nothing gets done about it it could happen again and again and again and you and your ds don't want this to be the case.

I would recommend contacting your sons form tutor or pastoral head, that is the first port of call at our secondary. Then the head of year if nothing is sorted, then a deputy head or head.

Explain what has happened and that you don't want the other boy to think your ds has reported him in case he retliates and things get worse. The school should know how to handle things like this and may have already had to deal with this boy before and know exactly how to deal with him.

Original poster
worried00003333 · 10/10/2018 21:12

Thanks deathly, I know I need to report it, it could escalate anyway whether I say something or not. I will speak to the school tomorrow.

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Original poster
worried00003333 · 11/10/2018 08:03

Feeling sick with worry this morning Sad

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JuliaSevern · 11/10/2018 09:52

I will ring school tomorrow and really spell it out to them that DS doesn't even know that I know and to be very careful how they go about looking into it
I'd put this in an email if i were you rather than call. I'd be concerned a message wouldn't be passed on properly whereas an email could be forwarded. Hope things work out ok. The boy sounds vile

Original poster
worried00003333 · 11/10/2018 10:17

I've left message for the head of year to call. I think I'm going to say I want them to be aware in case things escalate but not to go in all guns blazing, I don't really even want ds pulled out of lessons to talk about it, I'm not even sure he would tell them what happened.

I'm going to tell them I think they need to keep an eye on the footie pitches more closely at lunch times too.

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BettyWahair · 11/10/2018 13:44

This must be horrible for you. Have they called you back?

Original poster
worried00003333 · 11/10/2018 13:47

Nope no call yet. Getting annoyed now

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lackingimagination · 11/10/2018 13:48

Yes definitely report to school, they should be able to intervene subtly without implicating your DS.

Slightly off topic but I think it’s poor you are secretly monitoring your son’s social media and messages. I’m not saying you shouldn’t monitor it but he should at least be aware. Not fair, especially at age 15.

BettyWahair · 11/10/2018 13:51

Oh dear, waiting is hard!

Original poster
worried00003333 · 11/10/2018 13:53

I know and I do feel bad about it, he definitely knows that I used to check messages but I don't think he does now.

It's hard not to when stuff like this goes on though.

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lackingimagination · 11/10/2018 13:57

I agree. And difficult now to ‘own up’. Perhaps have a conversation with him about monitoring going forward. Or stop. Needs to be one or the other at age 15.

tinytemper66 · 11/10/2018 13:59

As it happened in school I would definitely contact the school.

Original poster
worried00003333 · 11/10/2018 14:00

It almost seems pointless monitoring if they know you are because they'd just delete anything incriminating.

I do need to stop though for my own sanity it makes me more anxious.

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tinytemper66 · 11/10/2018 14:02

I am a head of Year and I wouldn't be able to ring you back until the end of the day. I have a busy timetable and duty most lunchtimes so I would not be able to give you my attention until the end of the day usually. (I am off with a broken leg at the moment, which is why I have time to answer in the day.)

Aebj · 11/10/2018 14:03

Make sure you follow up the phone call with an email. You never know there might be a bigger picture going on and you may well hold the last piece of the picture

Original poster
worried00003333 · 11/10/2018 14:05

Only problem with them ringing at the end of the day is DS will be back and I don't want him to hear.

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tinytemper66 · 11/10/2018 14:07

I understand your concern there. Can you ring back and say you would like to speak to someone before your son comes home (if you didn't already specify this)?

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