What is most important in being a good parent?

[howtobehuman]

I find parenting really hard and often wonder if I'm doing a good enough job. I don't really have parenting role models so I want to know what things are most important. Things that if they are there, the kids will be ok and grow up to be decent human beings, even if other things are far from perfect.

love, loads of it, you can't spoil a kid by telling/showing them you love them.
consistency. Doesn't matter what your house rules are really, (within reason) just be consistent, and expect them to do it.
boundaries, if you love someone, you teach them that sometimes the answer is no, and that they can't always get what they want.

But if you don't have love, the rest come from the wrong place.

I always try to be calm, especially when they’re not.
Showing them they’re loved. Letting them know you’re proud of them. Praising them loads. And apologising if I need to, like when I’m not calm because they’ve just pushed it too far!

Love, understanding, getting down to their level & experiencing things with them.
Remembering they are learning but also that you are human too.

But my sons just love when I’m mucking about with them or reading stories together, or big snotty kisses.

Definitely love and affection. If a child feels adored by their parents that makes a huge difference to their self esteem and ability to cope with the world. It is the one thing that when missing, regardless of how perfect the rest of their upbringing is, they will be unhappy. Genuine warmth and affection is number 1 in my book.

Love, boundaries and picking your battles. They're the main parts of parenting I've focussed on and I've tried to teach the DC a sense of humour so when we're at def con 4 we can laugh and get over ourselves rather than continuing the battles, which helps.

I genuinely don't think there is a 'perfect' way to parent. I think we all just wing it and hope that what we're giving is enough; for most it is, and doubting yourself is part of that.

For my boys, it's knowing I always have their back. They can be in a world of trouble at home, but outside the house, they know I am always on their side.

Making sure they know your love is unconditional.

It doesn’t matter what they do (or have done) because they can always come to you and ask for help. You might be angry with them or disappointed but you’ll always help them sort it out.

Make time to listen to the little problems and they’ll tell you the big stuff. Because to them it has always been big stuff.

Love, because then everything is provided for.

Love and affection and a sense of stability. Shield them from adult problems until they're old enough, so they can get on with being kids (sounds obvious but you'd be surprised how many kids deal with problems way beyond their years). Set reasonable boundaries. As they get older teach them basic life skills by having them help to cook dinner, clean, etc.

Generally the people worrying about being a good parent are most likely to do a good job as they're conscientious. It's the ones who don't care that are more likely to screw up their children.

Love is first of course. But how you show that is what matters, in my book. Like being present with them, really engaged and listening and on their interests not yours. Consistent boundaries. Affection - however they like it. Keeping perspective - not taking everything seriously or getting dragged into petty arguments. Laughing together and just enjoying being with each other. Being the role model for the adult you'd like to them to become is key - mine are grown up now, and it's a bit confronting to see how their values and attitudes are similar to ours, even the ones they rebelled about when they were teenagers. And not all good either!

Obviously love. But love isn't enough. Stability, kindness, boundaries, consistency and safety. And sometimes it's not about quality time - quantity time and showing them you'll do the boring shit for them, like keep their uniforms clean and nit comb them is important too.

Showing love is important but varies for different children and different dynamics. My eldest hates cuddles but needs 5 minutes lying close but not touching listening to Little Mix to ground her.

This is great, thank you. I'm really glad I asked.

Unconditional love and affection.
A stable and secure environment.
Your attention and time.

Obv love and lots of affection, in whichever way suits them.
Show them you value them and their input into the family, no matter what age they are - this is their life.
Listen to them whenever they talk, no matter how busy you are. Talk to them, ask them their opinions. Let them help make decisions. Talk to them about your day too. Just constantly show them how important they are.
Also sometimes you can't be their best friend, as you are their parent and discipline is good for their long term self!

Also OP - no one is the perfect parent! Everyone makes mistakes. The fact that you are thinking about it probably means you are doing a great job and your kids will turn out just fine