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Original poster

Sister in Law dramatics

22 replies

ThunderOnlyHappens · 09/10/2018 22:48

Just need to vent. SIL rings up at 9.30pm to ask what we are doing on the certain date in December (not one of the bank holidays). She is calling in on her home town and requests our presence Hmm.

DH explains that a) I am moving jobs do might be working and b) there might be a pre-existing family commitment. He asks to let her know in the next few days. She starts complaining and pulling a guilt trip...'we never see you' etc etc.

I have little sympathy, she moved a four hour drive away, we are both busy and working most days, leaving Saturday afternoons and Sunday mornings free. There's nowhere to stay at hers, and she was an absolute cow when she stayed at ours last time (drank all the booze, insulted me to my face etc etc).

Anyway, I know blood is thicker than water but ffs, she boils my piss so to speak!

Am I being a tosspot wanting her to go back in her box and stop the tantrums??

OP posts:
BackforGood · 10/10/2018 00:10

You are clearly responding to whatever has gone on in your relationship before, and not this request.
Seems to me, if someone lives a long way away, and will be 'home' on a certain date, it makes a lot of sense to try to get people together to spend time together. Great that you can get it in the diary now. Of course, if you are on a shift at that time, then you can't, but presumably dh (and dc?) could get the date in their diaries.
From what you've written, it seems it is you having the tantrum, not her.

Original poster
ThunderOnlyHappens · 10/10/2018 07:30

Thank you for your opinion. However, her shouting and getting angry when asked if we can let her know by the end of the week is not her throwing her dolly's out the pram then?

Gawd forbid we don't drop everything for the arrival of the prodigal sister.

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 10/10/2018 07:37

Sounds like there is 2 of ye. She is being considerate giving plenty of notice and maybe immediately giving a negative response is quite a rejection to get. My db lives that distance away and we make a big fuss when he arrives even though he is not the best at keeping in touch but always best to be welcoming. If you can't do it fine but sounds like you never want to see her again and are determinedd to make no effort. Anyone can move away and don't have to pay a price for it forever. Be nice!!

LoniceraJaponica · 10/10/2018 07:41

TBH you come across as badly as she does.

ILiveInSalemsLot · 10/10/2018 07:42

I’d remind her that she insulted you and tell her you don’t want to spend time with horrible people.

flumpybear · 10/10/2018 07:44

Ask her to be flexible and you'll try to sort work out

averythinline · 10/10/2018 07:50

I wouldn't put myself out for her - so leave it to your DH ...
he is quite capapble of saying you wont know due to your work patterns

its up to him if he wants to see her or not ! it would be reasonable for him to make the time as its his sister and its not very often... howver it is not being reasonable to expect you to do teh same and/or blame you if he can't be arsed...

just tell him to leave you out of it.....

Singlenotsingle · 10/10/2018 07:58

Why can't she arrange another date? Or you suggest a date when you are available?

CwtchesAreTheBest · 10/10/2018 08:17

I don't see what she has really done wrong! She wants to meet up and is giving plenty of notice, it's not like she has left it to a few days before.
You obviously don't like her and are letting past history cloud your thinking. Does your husband want to meet up?

Chocolala · 10/10/2018 08:33

She threw her toys out of the pram because you couldn’t give an immediate answer?

Well, it shows that she continues to be a self centred numpty and it’s great that she moved 4 hours away. Let her know yes or no at the end of the week. If the answer is no, be sure to cut short to conversation thereafter or you’ll be listening to her whine for hours.

Notonthestairs · 10/10/2018 09:34

You sound as bad as each other.

You don't like her. You don't have to see her. Surely your DH can spend some time with his sister on his own.

MistressDeeCee · 10/10/2018 09:47

You don't like her. & she doesn't like you. Why get involved? Leave your H & DCs to see her, why do you have to be there?

You can go out, can't you? Nice day out, meet up with friends, etc.

She will always be your husband's sister. I think it's absolutely pointless to keep up with grudges. Leave them to their relationship and get on with your life.

starfishmummy · 10/10/2018 09:54

Well apart from not knowing if you will be working in your new job (which I can understand) why on earth couldn't your e.g. have checked the diary there and then and booked in for him and the kids?

SassitudeandSparkle · 10/10/2018 09:56

So she's given you plenty of notice when she's next around yet you think that is demanding that you dance to her tune? That's not how it will come across to others tbh, quite the opposite.

It's very clear that you don't like her OP, and it does come across that you are looking for reasons to dislike her behaviour. It is normal to let your family know when you are visiting if you live away and ask them if they are free to meet up.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 10/10/2018 09:58

I thought your husband handled that call pretty neatly, ie played for time and has given you time to consider.
To be fair it's up to him if he wants to see his sister or not.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 10/10/2018 09:59

Let DH arrange to see his sister and keep out of it, you obviously dislike each other, you more than her by the sound of it!

IrmaFayLear · 10/10/2018 10:00

If you don't like her, why doesn't dh see her by himself? You are presumably not joined at the hip. It seems that if you went too there would be an atmosphere anyway so it is better that dh goes alone.

lackingimagination · 10/10/2018 10:01

Sass could not have put it any better.

Living far away (through choice - so what) makes it tricky to make arrangements. Not being able to give her an answer for a whole week is unreasonable when you can just check your diary there and then. You’re just leaving her in limbo and unable to firm up any other plans for another week.

You clearly don’t like her, and are letting that cloud your judgement of this situation.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 10/10/2018 10:08

If you're busy then you're busy. She'll just have to see you next time.

Original poster
ThunderOnlyHappens · 10/10/2018 10:37

New job- on a rota not decided immediately. Will need to request the day off and surprisingly my manager wasn't available at 9.30pm

Have I wandered into AIBU? HmmConfused

OP posts:
SassitudeandSparkle · 10/10/2018 11:17

Have I wandered into AIBU? hmmconfused

No, but from your first post, OP:-

Am I being a tosspot wanting her to go back in her box and stop the tantrums??

Going by what you've said so far, it seems an overreaction to the majority (not all) of the posters on the thread. You clearly don't agree and I'm not sure what you were expecting.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 10/10/2018 11:28

People can still disagree and say it like it is in Chat if need be OP Shock

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