About a troubled teen who won't talk?

[AmabelleOnabike]

There is something wrong with my just 16 year old. She has lost her joie de vivre, her enthusiasm for everything except hanging out with friends it would seem. She is so different to the 13 or 14 year old version of her. I've been putting it down to just normal teen stuff. She's very confident at dealing with adults but has zero confident where her peers are concerned. She is sociable but lacks confidence in herself. She used to thrive on doing well at school and being good at dance but her doubts about her ability are becoming self fulfilling or maybe she is disimproving at everything.

She is on the pill for the past three months (for acne) which has possibly contributed to the mood change but if I'm honest I think it started about last March. Nothing obvious happened (I am a sahm and see her a lot) but she is unhappy and I do not know what to do. I don't know where to turn but I'm afraid if I don't help her (but how can I when she tells me there is nothing wrong) then it will get worse. She has given up her part time job and now wants to give up any extra curricular activities, but this will give her more time to mope in her room.

What would you do if this was your child?

Talk to her gp or ask the school nurse to catch up with her - could be early signs of depression. In the meantime, don’t focus on talking, focus on nurturing, connecting, spending quiet time together, and aim to decrease demands on her, so no pressure to do activities, but do come and walk the dog with me, watch our favourite show that kind of stuff.

I'll mention it to the gp (no school nurse). I do the nurturing thing but it's like a dark cloud is hanging over her and she doesn't seem to be able to see any brightness and she hates school!

It is an absolutely horrible feeling not being able to fix your baby As easily when they were younger

Agree with PP, take her to the doctors. I know there are various contraceptive pills and there are more than one that seem to have a negative effect on mental health so that could possibly be it.

If you can't speak to DD I'd possibly try to change the contraception first and if that doesn't seem to have solved the issue then maybe it's something deeper that she needs to address.

Poor girl. How bad is her acne? That could be making her feel very down and leading to her loss of confidence which is why she just wants to stay in her room?

Seconding the just hanging out advice.
Also do you text? ‘Hey babe, hope your day is ok,’ or whatever your style is.
No pressure for her to answer but a drip, drip of your love to her.
I have a teen now diagnosed with BPD who doesn’t talk (not implying that your DD has anything like that). I have to tread very carefully but somehow just be there. Keep inserting yourself gently, positively into her life.

When my dd was a preteen she would write me a note if she was feeling 'off'. Maybe try texting and see if she could tell you - easier not face to face?

I'd get that pill looked at. If I take any type of contraceptive pill, even the mini pill it seriously affects my mood. Within days the shutters just come down on me.

Could the acne be getting her down too? I had a laser called nLite and it completely sorted my skin. It was done by a Dr at my local hospital and I had to pay privately but it was worth every penny.

Regarding the talking, is there a female friend or family member of yours that she might feel comfortable talking to?