At the end of my tether.

[NameChangeNeedsSleep]

Sorry posting here for traffic.

I have an 11 month old son who, from the day he was born, refused to sleep anywhere but attached to me. Ended up co sleeping as I’ve two older DC and I was absolutely exhausted. 11mo has always been breastfed - though trust me I have tried since he was 2 weeks old to get him to take a bottle as he was always so hungry. He refuses to even drink expressed milk out of a bottle or cup. He took a dummy for a couple of days when he was around 2ish weeks old but since then has always completely refused that too.

He uses me as a dummy to get himself to sleep and to stay asleep. This means that I’m in bed with him from 7pm - 7am. He wakes every hour through the night because my nipple is no longer in his mouth. If I get out of bed he wakes within a couple of minutes screaming.

I am losing my sodding mind. Someone please please please tell me how the hell I get him to A) self settle B) stop using me as a dummy C) help me get my evenings back!!!

It’s got to the point where I can’t leave him during the day because he screams bloody murder at me even leaving the room. I am desperate, somebody please have some advice?!? I am almost willing to even try the cry it out method at this point

Anyone? Please?

I don't have any advice but helping you bump here! Hope someone is along soon who can offer some more support!

Sorry I haven't gone through it with my DC but I hope it is just a phase he is going through. Sending hugs 🤗

Thanks :) I swear I’m losing my mind over this, love him to pieces but genuinely regretting breastfeeding these days!

OP, my ds2 was like this. He wasn't bf but I couldn't put him down without him screaming bloody murder. He was attached to me constantly. On my hip whole I cooked tried to tidy and the other things where I couldn't hold him I had to listen to screaming until I picked him up. I honestly thought I was going to lose my mind. At one point I could have given him away (I know that sounds absolutely disgisting but I was so stressed and my mental health was definitely suffering and do did not understand). It got slightly better when he started walking and gradually got better and better after that. I really feel your pain though and I'm sorry I have no actual advice. He is now nearly 5 and is still overly attached to me but thank god that time is over and I will never have another child because of it.

Sorry also don't have advice. I am currently going through similar with my 11 month old DS. I couldn't cope anymore so we have just started sleep training which involves night weaning. My DH goes in to him to resettle him during the night (I feed him before bed and then he comes into our bed again at about 4am and I feed him and he stays till morning). Last night DH had to resettle him 14 times!!! I have co slept with him since birth so it's a big change him being in his room in his cot. Only been doing it a few days so hoping he'll get better. There is a bit of crying but not too bad. I just keep telling myself he is with his dad and safe and he needs to learn to be comforted by someone other than me for his own good.
Sending hug OP. It's SO hard! Xx

You sound like me with my DD, trapped in her room from early evening - trying to get older brother to bed as well - just hideous. I broke at 8 months and paid a stupid amount of money to speak to a sleep expert. Did the in and out every 2 mins til she slept. She woke up every hour the first night and only a couple of times the night after and oh my god, I was back in my own bed! After that I could pretty much put her down and she'd go to sleep. I would really recommend doing something like this - dd was miserable - I was tipping into PND and had to take action. I knew everything the sleep lady suggested, just needed someone to make me do it as I was too depressed and sleep deprived to do it alone.

Oh, and cold turkey on the night feeds as she was well on her solids by then.

Thanks everyone for the advice and support, honestly I think I’ve been like you Bird and I know what to do I just need a kick in the ass to do it. I bypassed PND months ago, pretty sure I’ve gone into full on mental breakdown territory now and it’s definitely not pretty!

OP my third baby was like this. Wasn’t breastfed for long but she had to be touching me constantly Day and night. It was horrific and went on for 20 months. I couldn’t leave the room, leave the bed, without her screaming. It was particularly grim when I had norovirus and she was climbing all over me whilst I puked and shat.

She had reflux, colic and allergies.

Unfortunately I have no solutions. By the time she was 12 months I had a breakdown. Zero support from family and I was a single parent to her, ex not around at all. Then had to suffer through that with no help and no respite.

At 18 months old I went to college full time. The nights were still awful but the break during the day meant I coped a bit better with it.

She’s almost 3 now and still sleeps with me. I’m at Uni and spend my evenings doing my work on my bed from 7pm with my study lying empty. Still up to my eyeballs on antidepressants.

Cry it out never worked. Tried it twice. Horrific. If I put her in a room with her sister, I’m up every hour resettling her, so I gave up a few weeks ago as it was sending my MH hurtling backwards.

Can you encourage him to suck his thumb? (And take it out once he is asleep/calm) One of mine wouldn't take bottle or dummy but did self settle with a thumb.

I think you may have to just accept that to break this cycle it has to get worse before it gets better.

The dr once told me ‘no child ever died from crying’

If you know they are okay and that the crying is just for you to come back then you can stop this.

If the dad is around he needs to help.

I had to make my DD go cold turkey on the BF, she wasn’t going to take anything else if the breast was available.

Start small.
Naps- in own bed before they get really tired, read a story, sing a lullaby, have some soothing music(hushabye mountain was the fav here). Let them have a little toy. You could potter about the room quietly humming while they are being good in bed or leave the room. If you have to go back in don’t pick them up. Lay them down, don’t make eye contact and repeat ‘bed time now, your okay’ in a soothing tone.

At night it might be best for someone else to go in and settle. You need to go out or have a good technique for dealing with your own instincts to respond to the crying.

Whatever you start you have to stick to. Don’t cave in, it makes it so much harder as they know you have a breaking point then and will hit it sooner.

You can break this cycle I promise. There aren’t many teenagers sleeping in their parents beds still.

You can do this.